Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › On and off break up
- This topic has 10 replies and was last updated 3 days, 1 hour ago by
Maddie.
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Elektricka
Hello ladies, please talk some sense into me🙏🏻
So I live with my (ex)boyfriend and I broke up with him about a month ago. He didnt want to break up yet, so we decided to take a break and at the end of the break to talk to the couple therapist.
We did that and after the therapy session we decided to give it another chance. That was on Friday, and on Monday we had an argument over the stupidest thing and he broke up with me in anger. Today we talked and he said with better plan and help from therapy we can save the relationship.
The reasons why I decided to break up: his poor anger management; him saying I made him yell because I dont listen; name calling; whenever I bring up my feelings, he says they are arbituary; his bad relationship with his family.
I know it sounds bad, and I question my decision because of this “maybe therapy and work on the relationship will help”. He says he is betrayed because I dont want to try again, after being together for 5 years.
Please let me know if you need more information.Raven
He’s right to want to see a therapist, but should be mostly focused on HIS issues…
Maddie
Yes, let him go to therapy on his own, and save yourself the trouble. Anger management problems stemming from bad family experiences can take years to fix, and that’s only if the person wants to change for themselves. He won’t change for another person (you) and he’s only agreeing to therapy so you won’t leave. It’s manipulative, just like blaming you for making him too angry to stop himself from taking it out on you by yelling and name calling is manipulative.
The only thing you may need to worry about is if he’s ever laid a hand on you. If you’re dealing with someone physically abusive, the most dangerous time of the relationship is when you try to leave.
Elektricka
Thank you ladies. It is difficult, since we have a dog together, who had accident (ex forgot to close the window when he left the flat and she jumped out of the window. Now she has her paw paralysed). Sometimes I worry that the fear of being alone and taking care of handicapped dog alone will make me stay. He is also good at talking and even today he gave me speech that we should stay together and try to fix it.
He has not been physically abusive towards me, however, sometimes in anger he bangs at the wall or slams the doors very strongly. In May we were on holiday and had a huge fight which went for hours. I went to sleep, telling him to talk again when we will be less upset. While he was brushing the teeth and I was already in bed almost sleeping, he came to me, took off my blanket and spat at me. Since then I think I started to fall out of love with him.
He says I dont try enough to forgive/move on/ work on things.Tammy
Gosh!!! Spat at you? And your still with him¿ Usually i am in favor of saving rwlatnships. but this sounds quite bad sis.
Maddie
“He says I dont try enough to forgive/move on/ work on things.”
I’m sure he learned this and all his unhealthy behaviors from his family. Someone taught him this, and it’s wrong. You do not keep patiently waiting around for someone emotionally abusive to get their $hit together. That is called, you’re abandoning yourself and neither of you have any boundaries.
Instead, you leave. It’s normally to fall out of love because someone SPAT on you. That’s an escalation of abuse and disrespect. Don’t make excuses for him.
Raven
He Spit on You?!
Girl you should have been gone…
AngieBABY
This is emotional and verbal abuse and it’s no less damaging than physical abuse. You are right to want to break this up. Get out of that house as soon as you can. He’s not going to change no matter how much therapy he has.
Elektricka
Hello ladies,
I just wanted to updated you on my situation – I am finally moving out from the flat where we lived together with my ex on Monday and I am taking my dog with me :) Made a peace with being a tripod dog owner and really look forward to my next capter of life. I will alone for the first time as well, it is exciting.
Thank you!Raven
@Elektricka, Thanks for the update 🙏🏼
Good on you for moving forward, You will love your next chapter!
Maddie
Thank you for the good news update. Glad you are looking forward and not back. You’ve got this!
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