Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › One date but we had amazing fun and he struggled to choose. Day 1 no contact
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mg.
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mg
I met someone online. He was legit and then his ex came back, which is the typical story. He was with her for 5 years and they broke it off because he would not get married. That was 2 years ago apparently. We had fun on the first date. Agreed on a second: 2 weeks from our first date. (Suspicious because I felt he was already trying to mend things with her) (This was recent.) He was Greek and I am greek. We had strong physical and emotional chemistry. It took him a week to decide between the both of us. I knew he would choose her with 5 years under his belt with her. She left him. Then, after we meet, she decides to show up. I blew it and went off the deep end with the clingy. Today is day 1 of no contact. Do you think it will last with them? He wanted to be friends and I blew all chances of even that when I went clingy on him. Any chances of getting him back? Day 1 of getting off the radar begins today. Any insight? Will it work out for them? Will he come back?
mg
Just to add, she was not Greek. His parents are old school Greeks. I am sad that I blew it for at least a friendship. Do you think he will return if he had a strong physical and emotional chemistry?
mg
I am heartbroken.
mg
Just to add, she left him for another guy. I am so sad. I struggle with the clingy. I blew it yesterday and called all day. I told him I was dating other people and showed him pics of hot guys I am dating after he told me he decided on her.
The damage is done. Will he return if we had every connection imaginable? I need some deep insights. How long do I not contact him? What do I say? What do I do?
mg
I am dying inside. The se… was good. Yes, we had fun. He wanted to remain friends and I blew it. I knew he struggled to decide because he liked me, alot. It was a perfect date and I met his needs on every level. We connected. Any insights?
Tallspicy
You are heartbroken after one date? You met his needs on every level?
Yikes! You may want to consider if you are emotionally stable enough to be dating.
One date. And you slept with a stranger. No judgement except you would like someone who casual sex is not a good idea for.
Newbie
Insights? Yes, its not normal to be so attached to a guy after one date. You barely know the guy and probably got doped up on love hormones due to sex. But thats infatuation, not in love or love. You just need to delete this guys number. Going no contact with a guy is useless after one date. There are no deep memories to be fond of to remember. In the future: sex on the first date may not be your best strategy if it causes you to become clingy.
mg
He still struggled making a decision between she and I, so he felt something strong with us. He was not with her for 2 years. He even got drunk after he learned of her coming back because he did not know what to do.
mg
He wanted to remain friends and I got clingy. Will no contact work for friendship?
Honeypie
goodness OP, you sound in pain and turmoil. Its awful to hear this and I really hope you feel better quickly.
If he went back to her then no one is to say if it will or won’t work, but he’s made his choice.
If you can do it, delete his chat and number as the sooner you can’t contact or look through anything that keeps reigniting your feelings the better and quicker they will calm down and go.
Although it was one date you guys slept together and that will feel really tough for you. You have to put your energy into letting this one go in every way you can.
Liz Lemon
You don’t want friendship, admit it. You will not be able to be just friends with this guy. What if he goes back to his ex, or starts dating other women? You’ll want to be his friend then? Yeah right.
I agree with the other posters. You should not be this hung up on a guy you had one date with. It was one date! You don’t know the guy! For one thing, he sounds like a total mess– an emotionally healthy woman would not even want to deal with a guy with this much drama on his plate. But you don’t seem emotionally healthy. It’s completely over the top to be this heartbroken over a guy you basically had a one night stand with. Please take a step back, you probably should not even be dating. Let him go, delete his number. He is not healthy, and you aren’t in a healthy place now either, so having him around will just hold you back.
And in the future think twice before you sleep with a guy right away (like on the first date)- it doesn’t sound like you can handle it. Not all women can.
Liz Lemon
One more thing– you have to realize that you and this guy did not have “every connection imaginable”. It takes time to develop true intimacy and a true connection with a person. That can’t possibly happen in one date. It takes weeks, months, years to develop connection and intimacy. You have to go through different experiences, both good and bad, with the person. So please understand, you are feeling infatuation, you are maybe even feeling obsession, but you did not have some amazing connection with this guy. He is a stranger. You have to let this go.
Raven
Honey, You had one date…
mg
But it was amazing. He will be back. I need to disconnect completely. His ex wanted a ring and that is why she left. I am sure she brought it up several times to him before she left. So, why didn’t he just do it?! Then, she had another guy lined up. Even then, he should have given her an engagement ring.
He told me that and he also told me that he didnt wanted her to push but to just let it happen and not push. He said he wanted her to just let it happen. But, after 5 years and no ring and leaving him for another guy and then coming back after 2 years tells me that he probably wasn’t a 100 percent into her and her other guy dumped her. She is being thrown back and forth, which tells me there is something missing within her. Whether or not he decides to engage her, 5 years is long to be with someone you don’t put a ring on. A man will know if he is a woman that is marriage worthy within 6 months.mg
My editing sucks. Hope it makes sense.
Honeypie
if he were to come back, how do you think you’d feel? Secure? Or watching him with what he’s done hanging over your thoughts and doubts… Will she be back again, why after two years was she still meaning so much, will she again, its clearly unfinished business and after two years- how would you ever feel the new fresh excitement you had as it would be so very tanted now, you have no history with him why are you pursuing this? Is it because you slept together then he did this? Its a crappy thing for him to have done. He’s acted really badly. Odd she’d pop up after you slept together on your first date. Are you sure he’s not lying? Quite a coincidence if you ask me, the timing
Mg
Of course I think he is lying that she all of a sudden showed up. She was around. I think they even had sex even though I confronted him about that. He vehemently denied they did have sex when she showed up. I was attracted to him and it was impulsive but it was fun too. I could feel he was holding on to something as I left the date. When I left the date, he waited to leave until I left and I saw him in the car waving bye to me but also looking like he was texting someone and his face looked tight like it was telling someone to come back. On my way home I texted him I had fun and he said me too. He wanted to see me again in 2-3 weeks and I think he waited that long to try and rekindle things with her. Whatever the situation, she left him 2 years ago and met someone else. The way he described it, it was like she blindsighed him and he was posed. No control over it. If he treated me like that, something tells me he will treat her like that. No one is that special. May have been great sex with her but the fact is that she was dumped by the guy she left him for so karma. One of them will get karma. Someone will get hurt and he will be back and I will blow him off. A guy I dated over 15 years ago wants me back after he dumped me for another chick that he had a kid with. He’s been trying to reach out for the last 1’5 years. In Facebook, plenty of fish, WhatsApp, he’s devastated but I’m just not feeling it anymore. Now he wants to make it happen. 😂😂
mg
Meant to say he was pissed, not he was posed.
Sensy
I feel working on your self love will get you where you want to be.
mg
To address your question about how I would feel: Happy! I think he would too!
redcurleysue
He is not amazing – he is taken – find another.
mg
Thanks. I have. I survived my first day of not contacting him.
Honeypie
survived it? I’m concerned for your emotional health. That’s genuine. If you feel so attached and thinking about this and him so much I wonder if having a therapist to talk through what that’s about is worth considering? It sounds excruciatingly painful and you seem decent, it must feel so awful for you and you deserve to not be in such turmoil
mg
I am good. Day 2 of no contact. My excitement for him is dwindling. Thanks!
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