Home › Forums › Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? › Online dating – is he interested in me?
- This topic has 15 replies and was last updated 8 years, 3 months ago by
Hannah.
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Scientia
A guy messaged me on OKCupid, and it turns out we have a lot in common. He seems really interesting and I could see myself meeting him in person someday. My concern is: he doesn’t ask me questions about myself or my interests. Like I said, I think he’s interesting so I make a point to ask 1-2 questions about his interests in each reply, but he pretty much only responds by answering my question and volunteering a few bits of information about himself.
Normally when I see a guy who never asks about me or expresses an interest in my interests/personality, I move on from messaging that person and stop responding. The point of online dating is to at least try to get to know each other, right? But I think this guy is great and I don’t want to do that with him. I also don’t want to fall into classic traps like seeming needy or desperate for his attention, so I’m feeling kind of stuck.
In your experiences with online dating or dating in general, if a guy doesn’t make efforts to ask you questions about yourself but continues to talk to you, do you think there’s any chance he’s actually interested in you?
Jules
He may not realize you’re carrying the conversation. I agree with you though, under most circumstances if a guy is not asking me about myself and I’m having to do all the asking, I’ll normally stop talking with them.
In this case this is what I would try. It’ll probably work best if you guys are sending multiple messages a day. If you ask him a question and he doesn’t reciprocate, just wait. In my experience, when they’re interested, they will notice my absence, check our messages and send another, asking me something. I then reply and continue on with our talking. It’s a subtle way to put them back into the role of pursuer and you back into being the receptive one. And if he doesn’t come back with a more conversation, you have your answer.
Amy S
If a guy cant engage in a bit of online chat and rapport i would say hes dull. Why do you think hes great btw ? I would never describe someone i never met as great x
Scientia
Jules – thank you, that’s a good plan. I’ve had a truly busy weekend and haven’t responded to his latest message, so I’ll respond when I get a chance (when I’m not on here :]) and see what happens.
Amy – I meant that he’s great compared to the other guys I’m seeing online lately, but I’m trying not to build this guy up in my imagination. I’ve done that before and it’s just not good. The things he does respond to are well thought-out and articulated and that’s what makes him interesting to me.
Amy S
Scientia exactly when u date online its a very gradual process and i was concerned that you are maybe setting yourself up for disappointment by building up expectations before you meet someone. Theres a lot online that are nothing like what they make themselves out to be. x
Scientia
Exactly! I have done that so many times with guys online who I never meet, so I like to evaluate what I’m expecting vs. what I’m seeing. It’d be easier to do if I talked to him in person, because then I’d have a better understanding of him. Just can’t tell if he’s interested in that yet.
Ticky
Sometimes some guys are just nice and polite and may not be interested, yet will respond to you anyway. That’s just my personal experience, if it’s too much work, it’s not right.
If you feel you’re having to carry the convo, don’t ask him anything else and see what happens. Talk to other people. And I agree, hard to tell if someone is “great” without actually spending time with them.
Lisa
Chatting to a Guy online..flirted, got to know him over 3 mths, cybersex twice, hes chatty, weve talked about meeting up. He calls me sexy and bright. Seemed keener a week ago…backing off since i said i might want more. How do i get him to. Chase again? Hes a very bright guy.
Jo
You had cyber sex with a total stranger, he is probably married or has a gf, which is they he won’t meet you.
Kelly
I read that a man can actually keep the video of a sex chat/Skype,.. And can share it with friends or other strangers.
I would never Skype or have video sex with a mani didn’t know.Terri
My online experiences have included a dude similar to yours. He would never ask me anything personal. But if I asked him something, he would reply back with “how about you”, so some interest was shown there. It seems like he was mirroring everything I said, literally.
After several weeks, it went on like this. He would always reply to my messages but never asked me out on a date or wanted to talk on the phone. I was not interested in a pen pal so I just dropped him. It is possible he may have already been attached or married, I was never sure.
Wait to see if he shows any genuine interest in anything you have to say that’s personal about yourself. What is his response when you do ask? Does he follow up with any further question or make a comment about it?
If there is a glaring lack of any interest from him to get to know you, or if you are complaining about his lack of interest on his forum, there is a good possibility he is not interested. Likewise, if he never asks you our or wants to speak on the phone – there is your answer. Either you are a filler when he is bored or he is otherwise attached.
Go with your gut!
Hannah
I’m with the others. Cybersex with a guy you don’t know is a really bad idea. Not only isn’t it safe in terms of your privacy, it’s absolutely not the way to go to gain someone’s respect.
A guy that’s interested in you doesn’t leave it 3 months to meet you. I think you should forget this guy. He’s not going to start chasing you.
Mich
I beg your pardon, Hannah. You are hereby FIRED as the Morality Police, okay? Keep your irrelevant and extremely judgmental views to yourself, honey. We are adults and we know exactly what we’re doing without your tight lipped Duck Dynasty flavor. As Shannon said in another thread, you can bring light into the world or bring darkness.
It’s 2016 with the AIDS virus floating around. Welcome to the 21st century. We don’t go to bars, we occasionally cyber. And boy oh boy, they respect us in the morning because we’re amazing.
OP, if it’s long distance sometimes it takes a few months but pay the $2.95 for InstantCheckmate to find out if he’s hitched.
Michele (Mich)
Raven
Really, Mich …?!
Maria
Mich, you missed Hannah’s point. She was trying to help you. Cybersex is ok if you are looking only for sex, if you want more, it is smarter not to do that with a guy you have not met. Nothing to do with morality, plain common sense. Long distance is another red flasg situation to avoid, just like cyber sex.
Oh and you are not in the position to Donald Trump anyone here from expressing their views. Have respect for the time people take to reply to you. Your language is demeaning and unwarranted.
Hannah
Mich I’m not the morality police! I have no issue with cyber sex or any kind of sex.
I just think it’s silly to do it with someone you don’t know. Look on any porn site. You’ll see loads of uploads from Skype/webcam chats. I doubt most of the women know their cybersex is all over the internet until a friend/family member finds it and tells them. And that’s public sharing. A lot of guys will send clips to other guys via forums. If you don’t know someone, there’s a real risk that could happen to you. Not great for friends and family to see, bad for your career and really damaging to future relationships. I just don’t think it’s worth the risk.
Plus Lisa was taking about meeting this guy and it sounds like she wanted a relationship. As Maria said, cybersex is fine if you want something causal or a virtual relationship, or if you’re in a real relationship and apart for some reason. But it’s not great for forming a real relationship. This guy certainly hasn’t respected Lisa in the morning. He’s backed off and hasn’t invited her on a date…
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