Home › Forums › Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? › (Online dating) What do you think about guys who message late at night?
- This topic has 13 replies and was last updated 7 years, 9 months ago by
T from NY.
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Scientia
My girlfriends who are also online dating have always told me not to respond to guys who send messages very late at night, especially on weekend nights. I guess the idea is that you might not expect a guy who is interested in anything more serious to message that late at night? I do tend to get some of the more blatantly obvious hook up invitations late at night online but don’t quite believe that it’s so black-and-white. What do you think?
I’ve been talking to a fairly interesting guy online for a week now. He responded to my latest message around 11pm on Friday, and ended up giving me his phone number to “text him to chat more.” Part of me is disappointed he didn’t specifically ask me out, especially as I’m nervous when texting a guy for the first time. The ball is really in my court now and I’m definitely the shy type!
Janet
Just send him a quick message back and say, hi thanks for your number, but I don’t like to take the lead – here’s my number so you can call me!
Then I’d just go one text for text – let him chase. If he’s interested he will.
I think some men message late at night because they are lonely…ignore rude messages and treat the others as you would at any time of the day. I was often online late, I’d go to bed, read and get bored then check my online date stuff – it’s no big deal.WaitWhat
I don’t care so much about the time if their profile and previous chats have been high standard.
However…
I have a no-texting before the first date rule other than to make plans/cancel/etc. So really, I don’t give them my number until after they’ve made actual plans for a first date. I have a few reasons.
1) I’m often talking to many people at once. I don’t want to clog my texting with that. I save texting for friends, family, people I -am- dating… I set aside time during my day to go to the dating website and don’t want my dating life to “ping” my day at random too much. I find this is being active rather than reactive with my dating life.
2) Early in my dating (after my divorce) men would just text me forever without making plans to go out. No bueno. I don’t have time for that. And, frankly, if I haven’t even met you I don’t really give a care that you’re going to IKEA today (dude, this one guy was obsessed with going to IKEA- texting me about it 5-6 times a week… we never did meet).
3) Texting too soon gives you the impression that you’re closer than you are, thus allowing you to over-invest too soon.
I will usually lightly, quickly state that “Oh, I’d love to text, but I don’t text until I actually meet someone.” This helps weed out men. Those who are truly interested will either 1) keep talking to me on the site or 2) ask me out already!
redcurleysue
Nip the texting thingy in the bud. Tell the guys you do not like to text.
End of transmission.
Raven
He’s texting you late at nite…
You’re smarter than that!
i
Yeah the logic is that guys looking for hookups who wouldn’t otherwise give you the time of day are suddenly messaging you at 11pm on a weekend night… Then this one chats to you for a bit, realises you aren’t going to hook up with him, and so gives you his number so you can chase him later on… Because he wasn’t really interested in you in anything other than someone to have sex with. Sorry but this is how men really are, how they really think. The sooner women wake up to it the better.
Shanaya
If I were you I would not give my number out until I have a date set in stone. I think you should make it clear to him that you will not indulge in text conversations which sometimes just remain conversations and don’t translate into a date.
Sherri
I never really paid attention to the time when they would text/message. I am really busy and so if I am free whether it is at 10 am or 4 pm or 11 pm, I would reply. Most of the “hookup” guys I would weed out even before giving them my number so that very rarely happened. I know my boundaries and did not have any issue telling them right from the start that I tend to take things slow.
I had to set a couple of them straight and never chatted again with them but never had the problem of anyone wanting to come over late at night.
Amy
I would not respond to late night text messages until the next morning because I sleep early. But it’s a case-by-case basis. Maybe the guy has a good reason for texting late at night, such as he works the night shift so he’s sleeping during the day. I wouldn’t listen to your friends; this isn’t a black and white issues.
You said you get a lot of hook up invitations. Look through your profile pictures. There’s probably a reason you’re getting a lot of the wrong kind of attention.
Linda
I’ve been talking to a guy on a dating site for over a month..he’s asked me out 4xs and gave he his phone #, I won’t call him he wants to get to know me but never asks about me. I feel I f he’s not asking questions about me he’s not worth my time? However I’ve asked him a few and he replied with a nice reply and feel he was honest. Should I meet him or move on? He seems nice he’s willing to fly his plan to meet me and we only live an hour away. I wouldnt go on a fight with till I know more about him
Peggy
Amy,I have 2 nice head shot photos with nothing below the shoulders showing. I still get icky sexual invites/messages-that is a fact of on-line.
vanessa
Peggy – this is an old post. Linda just bumped it up.
Heather
A guy just recently did this to me. I gave him my number and told him on tinder to text me to make plans to meet sometime. So he texts me the next night at 11pm I didnt answer because of course I was sleeping so I texted him the next morning telling him I was asleep and we should meet up for a drink that night….. its been 2 weeks havent heard from him! Clearly all he wanted was to hook up and guys who text that late just want sex.
T from NY
I don’t know. I sometimes text late because I live my life and then answer when I’m in bed. For the guy that asked you your number to “chat some more” — I would have just said — I actually like to do my chatting in person. Let me know if you want to grab a drink sometime! — and then see if he asks you out.
I’ve also told guys who were extra chatty at night that I had to go — to get my beauty sleep. That always makes them laugh. And I only give guys a couple of days MAX of sporadic messages on the dating site to mention meeting up. If they don’t I let them know — it’s been nice getting to know you — but I only continue talking to guys after meeting up. They get the hint usually immediately and step up or step off.
Have fun!
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