Over 2 weeks no contact

No, don’t do it. You’d be doing yourself more harm than good.
He does NOT need to know “you’re thinking of him” or anything like that, you will setting yourself up for disappointment, because you’re expecting a certain response from him which in all likelihood you will not be getting…

Understandable that you were in touch with your ex…sometimes in our deep love for our partners we tend to make mistakes. And we learn from those mistakes. I had my first breakup a month ago…. did everything, from begging him to crying and all. But now I know I wouldn’t be doing that for anyone. Lesson learned!

Now regarding contacting him. It is your birthday. He should be the one contacting you not you. Let your birthday come and see if he wishes you. If he doesn’t you know where you stand. My ex broke up with me on our 2nd anniversary, I had given him our anniversary gift in advance BBQ that he really wanted… yes pretty big of a gift. On our 2nd anniversary we had a fight and broke up. I didn’t even get a gift haha.

Sucks for me

Has he been responsive at all when he reaches out? What is he like?

You really need to stick to NC. What you have been saying to him the last 8 months hasn’t been enough to change your situation, unfortunately. You haven’t given your ex enough time to miss you and experience what life is like without you in it.

Give him a lot of time to miss you and you also need to go NC for YOU to heal. Talking to him and sending him messages is only doing more damage and you need to see that.

Not sure why you broke up, but I think you really need to focus on NC! 8 months is a long time to drag out a breakup IMO.

I know its super hard, but it really is the only option. Best of luck!

Dear Megan,
YOu have made it to two and a half weeks with NO CONTACT, you will be able to do longer. You CAN do this. Practice self talk more often.
Every break up is painful, especially when you still love the other person.
Dont expect anything, If he wants you, he already contacted you.
The more you expect, the more disappointment you will get.
Post here when you feel the urge to message him.
Happy Early Birthday.

Yikes, I know what you’re going through is horrible and painful right now, but I wish so much that you could fast-forward to when you’ve gotten over this, and re-read what you’ve just written. It’s not pretty. Sorry, I don’t mean to be harsh, but the mind set you’re in right now will not win back your ex.

It sounds cliché but you need to be on your own, stop obsessing over your ex of 9 months(!! look at the time/energy you’ve already wasted!!!) and become happy, happiness that is not in any association with him. Love can make you do and think crazy things, you’re not thinking logically right now.

NC all the way. This isn’t temporary “I’ll not contact him just now so that he will…. or to see if he will …..” You’re not doing it for any reaction, you’re doing it for you, because the relationship is over. Therefore, there is no more communication to be had. He is just someone you once knew.

Sorry this is of no comfort to you, but the sooner you change your mind set, the quicker this misery will be over and you can start living your life again and feeling content.

Hopeful—

This is why I asked him not to message me. I want to heal. temptation is there but I think about it this way. I am disrespecting myself by being available for him whenever he wants to message me and whenever his other girl is busy.

Hey Megan,

You mentioned you have kids…does he have kids? was he involved in your kids life? Maybe he has realized that the baggage is too heavy? I am not trying to make you feel bad, but all it is that you need to focus on yourself. Make yourself busy with your kids, do activities with them. I have two kids, my ex messaged me after a month on kids first day of school. I replied back but it didn’t go anywhere else. The problem is people say girls are complicated I think guys are, you never know when they just snap out of a relationship and are gone forever and we women, emotional fools keep on thinking of getting them back.

Try to think positive about yourself and try to think of the reasons you guys got to this level. It might help you heal.

He doesn’t have kids no and has never wanted any but he had been with us for 4 years and living with us for 3. I know he liked his alone time and I feel with my two and my puppy even tho boys are older I think he may of wanted more space to himself. It felt to me like everything was a chore. He was good to them treating them and things but it’s always been just him. I was his first proper girlfriend and he moved in with me he proberly realised he feels better living alone plus me nagging at him to do things he didn’t make effort to do didn’t help he does enjoy his own company its what he’s used to.

I blame myself for messaging him too much if I could turn the click back I would have gone no contact straight away but I just wanted to save us before it was too late before he got a new place and moved on but he was already doing that whilst I was messaging him and whilst he was responding occasionally. It was a mutual friend of mine that told me he’s got a new place now but Im still hoping after everything and still feel the same for him.

Meagan, this isn’t love, its an OBSESSION. You are addicted to him like an addict is addicted to heroin, and heroin isn’t good for the body or mind, is it?

You need to completely DETACH (wean yourself) from this man, and the only way to do it is to never talk or see him again. He doesn’t want you in his life, has made it very clear, and you need to HONOR and RESPECT his decision.

The problem is your need to feel loved is too consuming and it suffocates/strangles the man you look to for it. Its a heavy burden and responsibility to place on one person, which is why you need to learn how to ‘self love’ and be responsible for most of your own happiness through work, friends, family, activities/hobbies, so your not so reliant on another human being for it.

“…i didn’t want to cry in front of the kids but then I go and cry again and they know why and they keep telling me mum I don’t know why your so upset about him. He doesn’t care about u I can’t believe your so upset about him and I cant either.”

Your kids have more self pride and self love than you are showing them and you’re supposed to be their role model.

“At 36 I should be settled and happy with someone now and looking to the future with them and I thought I had that with him.”

At your current mindset, you’d be 46, 56, 66 and not with anyone and rightly so. How can you even begin to meet the right man for you when you’re still wallowing on this guy after 8 months!!!