Please help, I'm just over thinking. I'm hungover, my brain hurts.

This topic has 2 replies and was last updated 3 years, 7 months ago by ANM Staff.

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June 28, 2021 at 12:24 pm #887893

hin2

Starting hanging out with ex again, we fell into a situationship.

We talked about boundaries at the beginning, and I said I was open to things progressing but not open to Friends with Benefits, so if we are doing this it has to be more meaningful and like, you know…dating.

So this has been going on for a few months and everything is great. However my bday was this weekend and I made it known that’s a thing for me, like, you know…important.

He ended up not being able to see me on Saturday because of work.

He made plans last week for Sunday (prior to knowing he would have to work, but while knowing he has a job that often has him work Saturdays) for dinner with another woman, and this woman is someone he was dating before me, and continued to hang out with, even when we were official, and it always seemed like she came first. I have examples but won’t get into it. Most important thing to note here is I’ve never met her, which I find super alarming.

I asked…Could you possibly reschedule? I mean, at least ask? He says he’s annoyed and doesn’t want to reschedule etc.

So I’m like at a level 3999999 freak out. I told him I get this work stuff isn’t his fault but that it’s hurting me more than anything.

We are talking about it tomorrow. I don’t know what to say or do, all I know is I’m so upset I’ve been considering this a potential dealbreaking thing and I went over to his place drunk last night and tried to end it with him but then felt embarrassed the next morning (I slept, separately, over, he didn’t want me driving) and said I wouldn’t do anything overdramatic or rash without talking it over with him. I feel awful about it.

If it were anyone else, I probably wouldn’t be so triggered, but this is a girl he saw as a romantic interest (literally they had one small fight and then he met me, and we hit it off/dated…and they ‘worked through’ their fight and remained friends. it seemed off to me because she always seemed to get first rights on everything.)

Am I overreacting? I have a tendency so I just need some outsider insight. is he a Chad or is he a Vlad?

June 28, 2021 at 12:38 pm #888606

Lane

Honestly, it sounds like you are overly dramatic, and too much work!

Men don’t want to be ‘bossed around’ or told what they need to do to make you happy! A man who is in love with his woman would do it without you saying a peep because he knows what makes you happy but will only do it because he’s the one who thought of it and did it on his own accord.

In these events, the last thing you do is PUSH as you will push him right out of your life. I think he may have been testing you, to see how you would react, and all you did was solidify to him that you haven’t changed, he hasn’t changed, and this is a waste of time for both of you.

Just know, “do overs” have an abysmal success rate because the problems for the first breakup are still there, neither has changed, and you just go through another round of wash, rinse, repeat. End the cycle, and start te work on the areas you need work on (such as drama, jealousy, need to control, etc.) before you date or get into a relationship again.

June 28, 2021 at 12:45 pm #888614

ANM Staff
Keymaster

Hi everyone – We can continue the discussion in the original topic thread called “any advice welcome“.

I accidentally published this duplicate thread — this was caught in the forum filter, and I didn’t see that the topic was successfully posted before I published this duplicate. That’s my fault – I’m sorry about that!
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