Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › Please help me move on
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 4 years, 3 months ago by
Lane.
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Lottie
I feel so stupid, pathetic and sorry for myself. I have tried really hard but I am struggling to move on from a relationship that ended 2 years ago. Basically, I was seeing a guy a fair bit younger (10years) who I knew wanted to settle down and start a family. I should have walked then but we were having such a great time so I decided to live for the moment and accept that it was fun dating and not leading to anything serious. Stupid I know but I genuinely thought I was okay with that because I had just come out of a 16 year relatiohship.
We dated for about a year and then he started ignoring me. Because we weren’t that serious it took me a while to notice that I was doing all the running. Eventually I ended it and we agreed to be friends. I kept in contact but again it was always me initiating. I kept checking out whether he wanted to be in touch and he kept stressing how much I meant to him.
Yes, you have guessed. Turns out he met someone whilst we were seeing each other and did not have the guts to tell me. I kept travelling to see him, dressing in my pretty undies, buying him little gifts and all the time he was seeing someone else. I hate myself for being so stupid and unquestioning. How did I not see the signs – at my age too?
It now turns out that she got pregnant whilst we were still semi seeing eachother and that they have had two babies in the space of two years (looked ONCE on instagram). I could not have children and my heart is aching. I miss him and wish it was me that was with him. After our last conversation when he told me he had met someone (lied about the dates but I figured out the truth afterwards) I wished him well and blocked him.
The trouble is I am really struggling to move on. That was almost 2 years ago. I am doing all the right things – no contact, no social media stalking, investing in my own life etc but I miss him so much and am so jealous of what they have. I also regret that I was so innocent and nice to him when we last spoke. He used to go on and on about being such a nice decent guy and said he would never hurt me. I feel like giving him a piece of my mind but I can’t because it is totally my fault that I am in this position.
How do I start forgiving myself for getting involved in the first place and how do I begin to put this behind me? It still hurts. Would I feel better if I told him how I feel? To get it off my chest and closure or is this just opening myself up for more hurt? I think I know the answer.
Annie
What about finding someone else? Going on a few dates could take your mind off him. You were clearly too good for him and deserve so much better
Ss
Write a letter or email. Give him hell for his crappy behaviour. But DO NOT SEND IT.
Its cathartic to get things out but sending him anything is pointless. At best he says sorry. Big wow. It won’t make you feel any better. At worst he ignores you and tells people you are bonkers.
Honestly do not waste any more of your time on this man. There is no resolution to this where you get to feel better. You own your feelings not him. You have the power to overcome how you feel not him.
Hayley
This is a tough one and I’ve been there – 2 years ago as well actually.
You need to get to grip with the fact he doesn’t want you. It’s a hard pill to swallow and it is absolutely NO reflection on you whatsoever, but he has moved on and I know that creates all sorts of feelings of jealousy, regret etc but he’s not losing any sleep over it so why should you?!
I was there – so many things I wanted to say but you need to get on board with the fact he doesn’t feel the same and it would be pointless unleashing your wrath on him.
I have only recently started getting back out there after feeling so stupid and worthless but I’ve come to realise that its my ex who’s losing out; not me. I am a great person who has so much love to give and I’m not going to let someone who wasn’t worthy of my affection and love stop me from leading a full and wonderful life.
At the end of the day he treated you appallingly, and you need to think about this; What if he did turn around one day and say he wants to get back together? Would you REALLY want to be with someone who has cheated on you before? How could your relationship progress knowing that he has treated you in a way you would never dream of treating him? It would be a disaster, so I know it doesn’t seem like it now but trust me; He’s done you a favour. GET BACK OUT THERE! x
Newbie
I think you need help. You are selfsabotaging your life. First you wasted a lot of time chasing after a way younger man who you knew didnt want to stay with you. Then you let it go on for way too long and not even noticing he was packed to go already. And now its two years and two babies for him. I dont really know what to say except whallowing and jealousy will not get you anywhere in life, only more resentment. Off course i understand the pain of not being able to have children but i know plenty of ladies (and their partners) for whom that wasnt an option and they had to move on. Some ‘adopted’ kids, others just accepted, others found other purposes. It will always be a hole for you, but you have to move on. I would do this with professional help honestly. Because of the long time frame. Plus i feel you posted about this before. But anyway you are stuck. But trust me, life sucks. But you can make the best of it by doing voluntary work, help other people etc. Anything to get stuck out of your head. Being kind. Also to this guy, he found his familie so good for him.
Lottie
Really helpful comments thank you. Yes, l am stuck and now need to take charge of my future instead of wallowing in self pity. I WILL do it x
Newbie
Yeah please do. Good for you. Focus on going to the light
Lane
Sounds like your stuck in unrequited love (limerence). Unfortunately there’s no cure for it but finding someone else to take up that mindspace. Are you dating, meeting or chatting to other guys? Really need to try everything in your willpower to get over this. Yes, it will take a lot of perseverance (willpower) on your end but you have to learn how to force your brain to stop thinking about him. There are methods out there to help and suggest you google them as you might stumble upon one that works! Don’t stop trying :o)
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