Home › Forums › Texting Advice › Please help me respond to his apology
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 9 years, 7 months ago by
Vanessa.
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Laurie
So I’m not looking for an opinion on if he’s interested or not. I’m looking for help on responding to this “apology” text. Here’s the story:
I started dating this guy a little over 2 months ago. Things started out great. He initiated all of our dates. He’s complemented me. Introduced me to friends. Always pays for everything. In the past week his texting skills started to taper off a bit. So I pulled a why men love bitches and stepped back as well. He did what the book said and continues to come back to me. I have never nagged him about his texting. I made a comment once a week ago because it was my turn to ask if he wanted to do something so I asked on Friday if he wanted to do something on Saturday, he didn’t respond until Saturday night at 8pm. Of course it was an apology then asked if I still wanted to do something. I stood my ground and said “hey you. Since I didn’t hear back from you I made other plans for the night. Do you want to do something on another day?” He apologized again for not responding timely. And said yes he wanted to do something and asked if I was available on Monday. We hung out and things were great. I always have 100% of his attention when I’m with him and he’s never texting when he’s with me. His texting may be sucking but when I’m with him nothing is wrong or seems off. Everything seems to be going as it should when he’s with me.
Now his next offense… He texted me asking me out. I said yes and then he remembered he made plans to go see a movie the day it came out (which I knew because he has been talking about this movie since I met him) so he cancelled but asked if I wanted to do something after he got out of the movie (btw he also knew I didn’t want to see if hence no invite). I said “it’s ok let’s just do something another day. Are you doing anything tomorrow night?” And then I never got a response until the next day at 9pm. This is what he said:
“Hey, I’m so sorry,I’m super terrible, and I’ll make it up to you, I promise. I’m out with some guys who are in from out of town and this all happened really quickly today. What are you up to.”
Now I do like everything about this guy except for this texting crap. He made clear from the beginning he’s a horrible texter but this is becoming too much because I’m left wondering if he’s done and ever going to text me again. So I do want to respond to him knowing that I do want to continue things with him as long as something changes. please tell me how I should respond because I don’t know what to do. Do I put my foot down and literally just say I like you but I really need you to be more considerate of my time when it comes to making plans because I’m will make others plans if you and I can’t do something. Either way he needs to know in a nice way that this does piss me off and he can’t keep doing it. So how do I say that and exactly what should I respond to him with?
red
First off, don’t respond right away. Wait until tomorrow night to text him back
This guy isn’t making you a priority and you are smart enough to know that backing off from him right now until he either steps up and makes up for his flakiness or doesn’t and then you’ll know where he’s at right now in terms of you and him.
I know you really like him but step back, go out on some dates with other people. Treat yourself and hang with your friends. Flirt and have fun. And just distract yourself from him for awhile.
Right now his actions are making it seem like you’re doing all the work. So the ball is in your court as to how you really still feel about him after he’s been wishy washy. You are in control and maybe you’re the one now who isn’t so certain about him. Why should you when he’s been blowing you off?
I know it’s hard but sometimes you have to stick up for yourself and what you know you deserve. When he does come around make sure he makes plans and tell him you’re hesitant because he hasn’t been following through. Once you guys do see each other, tell him that maybe calling would be best but only after he says sorry.
Just put space in between you two. Silence always means a lot more than words.
redcurleysue
You said, “it was my turn to ask if he wanted to do something so I asked on Friday if he wanted to do something on Saturday, he didn’t respond until Saturday night at 8pm.”
Did I read that right? You are asking him out? And you are doing it on Friday for Saturday?
WHAT?
This is backwards – a date is a man asking a woman out on a date…not “maybe we will figure out something to do…maybe”….you do see this right? And you are contacting the day before and wondering what is wrong? Dates have to be planned in advance otherwise life comes up…
This is all messed up. Step all the way back…all the way. He needs to contact you and ask you out at least a few days in advance…
If you keep doing the work he will let you…who is dating who here????
patsytshirt
<<So I pulled a why men love bitches and stepped back as well. >>
re-read over and over!
read also ‘Why men marry b1tches’ and ‘The Rules’.Harley
Your reply should be…No reply. His behaviour doesn’t warrant one .
But..you don’t want to hear that answer. You want to hear…’ I’ll grovel and beg and chase him. I’ll put up with his constant last minute plans and being the back burner girl. The girl who is the option….not the priority…the girl…who likes putting up with his shit’
we teach guys how to treat us..you are teaching him to treat you like crap.
so….continue on as I advised…Grovel. .beg and chase….I don’t think it will get you anywhere.
whiskeyagogo
There’s nothing wrong with chatting to him about your day – demanding a date isn’t good though. Would you rather he asked you out because he wanted to, or because you demanded it?
Look, my guy is a pretty shocking texter as well. It doesn’t have anything to do with me, that’s just how he is. If you’re playing this right, you shouldn’t need to “put your foot down”. Just relax and have fun. Date other men. He’ll either come around or he won’t, but if you go “putting your foot down” with a guy who isn’t your bf yet, you’ve already lost.
Cathy
Instead of texting have u thought about using a phone. Could be an alternative.
Lane
Hi laurie.
Do you want to date a man or a phone? You are putting way too much emphasis on texting instead of having enough independence and confidence to do your own thing—not waiting around for him to respond or text! He has a LIFE beyond the phone, so should you because your coming off as insecure and needy and that will stop a man in his tracks if he feels like he can never make you happy! The TOP TWO reasons dating/relationships don’t get off the ground is because of TEXTING, so do you want to ruin this one?
Men only text for a purpose—to make plans, order something, check in to see if your busy and that’s about it. The bulk of your communication should be when TOGETHER as men do not bond/connect through texting (typed words), they bond/connect when they are WITH the woman, so you need to lean back a bit, chill out and let him do the bulk of the planning and if he’s not then be confident in yourself to create your own plans and live your life the eay you were living it before you met.
Lane
Oh an as to the response just be honest and tell him what your ‘up to’ if you want. This is how a man ‘checks in’ to let you know he hasn’t forgotten about you but he’s busy right now and should respect that he has a life beyond you.
Vanessa
“Now I do like everything about this guy except for this texting crap. He made clear from the beginning he’s a horrible texter but this is becoming too much because I’m left wondering if he’s done and ever going to text me again.”
This is pretty simple! Stop texting for matters like this. Pick up the phone and you’re not left waiting! In the beginning, my boyfriend never asked me out via text…I didn’t play that. For dates, only text to let them know you’re running late, etc.
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