Home › Forums › Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? › Please help me understand this man before I lose my mind!
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Liz.
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Liz
Guy I’m dating have the tendency to want to see me but wont ask. When he doesn’t make any plans with me, I make other plans with my friends and he seem to be upset and will tell me that I dont want to see him one day then the next day I’m all hyped up wanting to see him. For example this weekend, Friday I had plans to go to the movies with my cousin’s girlfriend and hang out after that. So I told him about my plans and we can meet on Saturday. He was okay with that. When Saturday came he was upset or rather passive aggressive with me for not talking to him at all on friday and only talk to him on Saturday all excited to meet him and all. I mean we’re still dating I didn’t think I had to text him all the time. We ended up not meeting at all this weekend and I’m so confused by his behaviour because it somewhat felt like he was punishing me. I like to give the man the idea that I have my own life going on and that i dont have to be constantly needing attention. And also he has to booked me for the date and all so that he knows I am available that specific day, but it doesn’t seem to be working in my favour with this one. I dont get it. He seems like he wants me to be needy? It also makes me feel like he wants to spend time with me but won’t verbally tell me. However, I have tried to ask him to meet me spontaneously a few times and he told me he is not free all the time. I’m like crazy confused by this. I told him I cant read minds that if he wants to see me he needs to communicate this. That if he wants 100% he needs to give 100%. He responded that he understands where I’m coming from so I told him “then why make things harder?” and that’s the last I heard from him about 2 hours ago. Anyone with that experience? Cause this is a new one to me. We’re both late 20’s for crying out loud!!
T from NY
I’m sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. And you describe good communication on your part.
He sounds like a child. Date a man?
Rae Baha
I’ve been through this before, its literally likr how lots of girls want their minds read like the classic “No actually means yes”. If you like to be independent and your comfortable with not talking to him all the time or hanging out with him all the time AND you’ve expressed your frustration on the matter..sorry there’s really nothing you can do about it. Your right he does want you to be needy, it makes him feel powerful and super wanted, some people are a bit weird like that. But he doesn’t want to vocally express that to you cause that doesn’t come off as “MACHO”. Maybe you can try expressing it again but it does need to be sorted out cause it’ll just keep bothering you and causing you frustration in the future unless you magically turn into an actual needy, clingy girlfriend.
Liz
Thanks for the responses. Things are getting even weirder. He replied to my last msg and spoke to me all normal like the disagreement never happened. He was really nice to me. I dont want to fall in the trap of chasing this man. But the way he is going about things, I can tell he’s trying to get me attached to him. I’m scared. Im not 100% sure how he even feels. He has said before if only I knew how much he likes me and that he sees a relationship. I’m not one to fall for words or even actions but rather I look at patterns. But at this time i’m not sure what to do about anything. If I just pull away this might stir up same disagreement again, if I go full blown this might not be good for me. Maybe I should go at his pace here? How to carefully do that? I like him which is why this is important.
Andrea
You’re letting this man waste your valuable time. He’s either playing games, or he doesn’t have the skills needed for a relationship.
anon
Tell him this:
“If you want to see me, you need to make plans to see me in advance. If you do not make plans to see me, I make plans with my friends because I like to stay busy. So if you want to hang out on the weekends, that would be great, just get plans in place by Thursday (pick a day). ”
If he does not start making plans, then he is incompatible and you need to move on. I have dealt with men like this who refuse to make plans then whine when you can’t see them. They are probably used to women who drop what they are doing to see them or used to women who make the plans.
Liz
Wow Anon, I couldn’t agree more. Spot on! This is exactly how I’ve been feeling but couldn’t put it into words. Thank you so much. This is perfect!!!
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