Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Potential future location as factor
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 4 years, 4 months ago by
Liz Lemon.
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Maya
Would you consider a guy’s wish to “maybe move abroad next year” as an important factor (deal breaker?) when assessing (in)compatibility?
It’s still early days (2 dates) so I’m assessing him on many (other) criteria. He mentioned he wants to change his job next year, maybe move abroad, but hasn’t taken any concrete steps (e.g. applying for jobs or learning language). I myself am a person that moves to a different country every few years, but almost all countries that he is considering aren’t appealing to me.
Would this qualify as a yellow/red flag or should I leave such “maybe-maybe not” scenarios out of equation for now?
ThanksLane
This doesn’t even qualify as a topic of interest unless you’re IN a relationship. At six months in, as a BF, he would consider it IF he’s deeply in love with you but at two dates you are so far ahead of him it would take him a Kentucky Derby race to catch up to you.
Slow your roll. Its not a race or even a compatibility contest but how well you gel in majority of areas that truly matter to each of you. If you’re this far apart, on places you would even go to, I don’t see it this going any where but a few dates before he realizes you are planning his future before he has. Not a good attribute that men are known to fall for but run away from (aka “Ms. Clinger”).
Maya
Haha thanks Lane, your answer made me laugh.
Damn my question came out wrong, I meant it as “should I write him off now as he might not be a long-term prospect or am I overanalyzing”.No worries, I haven’t done/said anything stupid or clingy yet. Came here for guidance to avoid that ;)
Lane
You are overanalyzing way too much. He’s still a stranger, someone you hardly know, have no idea if you get on well in areas that matter to you, as this takes time to suss out. Trust me, men are *thinkers* by nature, heck they can even of NOTHING (they have a nothing box in their brain) so you have to know them well enough to determine if its a thought they are having in the moment because it sounds good to them in that moment, or something they are seriously considering (want to do) based on how many times they bring it up.
If I had a nickle for every idea or thought a man put out there, and actually followed through on, I would be a rich woman. That’s where woman come in. We inspire our men to follow through on their ideas by keeping their vision alive and being their biggest cheerleader (not doing it for them) until it comes to fruition.
At this point I don’t see the harm in getting to know him better as you may be too far apart in areas that truly matter or aligned in those that count but for, you haven’t had any time at all to even figure the basic stuff out, like you would with any stranger you just met, male or female to determine if you gel well or not and took the superhighway to a destination that shouldn’t even be a consideration until actual steps or plans have been fully implemented. That could be 5 years down the road or never happens, which is why you should stay on the road you’re feet are planted on and take it “one date at a time” until you have more intel to go with.
Liz Lemon
Yes, you’re overanalyzing. You’re way overthinking in my opinion. You’ve had 2 dates with this guy. It’s good to assess potential dates for compatibility but don’t overdo it. If you are analyzing every potential problem or flaw this early on, how can you possibly be enjoying yourself and getting to know the person in an authentic way? The first few dates with a guy should be about how you feel with him, the connection, the chemistry. He just made a random comment about maybe moving abroad next year but doesn’t have concrete plans. So it may or may not happen. I see no harm in continuing to date and getting to know him better.
If something actually came of this and you two fell deeply in love and entered a serious relationship, it’s quite possible he would not move anyway. I’m not saying that will happen, but people often have one plan when they’re single, and then after they fall in love, they change their plans– it’s happened to me. My point is, nothing is carved in stone at this point. Just get to know him for now.
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