Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Preparing for the conversation
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 3 years, 3 months ago by
AngieBaby.
-
AuthorPosts
-
S
HI! I’m having a conversation with an ex in a few days and I’m just trying to prepare for what the conversation may look like. Here’s some background: We dated very briefly (about a month) from June to July and then we mutually ended it because neither of us felt confident enough to continue. Of course it was sad, but we both went our separate ways without much fuss. We are still in the same circle so I see him very often and my feelings never quite went away. I reached out yesterday, to have a conversation and just be honest and I did tell him about my lingering feelings. He agreed that having a conversation would be good for the both of us and “help to bring both of us clarity.” He didn’t mention anything about my confession of feelings or how he felt about them and I guess that left me slightly confused. I’m really okay either way (obviously would be disappointed), I guess I just would’ve like to go into this conversation knowing if my feelings are one sided or not.. Any advice for preparing for this conversation?
Dex
I am so sorry but this just doesn’t feel good to me. Immediate thoughts:
-You’re giving him way too much power. He does not get to decide how this goes, you do. Like I feel like you’re already way leaning into “whatever he says I just go with.”
-I feel you’re way too into this for so early on. You should be light and carefree and living your OWN life and only in “happily receive, stand back and do nothing” mode when it comes to anyone, since you’re NOT yet exclusive with anyone. (I believe some of that should remain even into a long term thing relationship but that’s another story).
I just get major “you’re not quite ready for a guy/relationship” feels. Like, you need to work on your own self-confidence and worth more first.
Thoughts from others? AngieBaby? I called you out specifically since I feel your advice is usually stellar:)
-lots of self-love, always,
DexieEwa
Sorry but you dated for a month? That’s not dating briefly That’s not even dating really . How can you expect a guy to have feelings for you after a month? Of course it is going to be one sided
S
Hi! to clarify: we were exclusive for a month not only dated for a month! it was a few months altogether. not sure if that changes anything but from the looks of it, it does not lol. thank you for the advice :)
AngieBaby
Hey Dex thanks for the shout out! I do my best. :)
S, I wouldn’t worry about trying to “prepare” as there is really nothing you can do. You say you’re fine with how it goes either way, so just trust you will handle the disappointment if your feelings aren’t reciprocated. Just because he didn’t say anything to address it when you raised it doesn’t automatically mean he doesn’t feel the same.
But, it isn’t possible to go into this conversation knowing anything about how he feels. You were right not to raise it when you asked to meet. Sometimes that’s how life is. You can’t control others and you can’t control some situations. This is one of them.
I give you credit for having the courage to contact him and raise the issue, you will now find out for sure one way or the other.
Good luck, let us know how it goes!
AngieBaby
You say you mutually agreed to break up because neither of you felt confident to continue. Would you please clarify that?
S
Hi Angie!
I appreciate your words of wisdom! to clarify what I meant, there were certain aspects of the relationship that I felt we needed to slow down in (e.g. in his family it’s very normal to meet S/O early on and that was a lot for me) and our relationship had become super public in our circle that I think both of us were feeling the pressure to be this “perfect” couple.. it was just a lot for a very new relationship.AngieBaby
I posted a reply, but I can’t see it…
AngieBaby
Now I can see it.
That is a lot of pressure. I can see why you both wanted to back off.
Do let us know how it goes!!
-
AuthorPosts
