Quality time

Anyone have some advice??

It sounds as if this is a relationship of convenience for him. He has a set day to spend with you and then goes about his life as normal. You are at almost 3 months now and this man should be making an effort to bring you into his life by now.. If that is what he wants.

How did you go about deciding exclusivity? Unless the man locks you down as a gf, exclusive really doesn’t matter. You can become an exclusive fwb.

Have you talked with him, in general, about what he is looking for?

One thing you can do is not always be so available. The next weekend, tell him you have plans. Even if you don’t. See if he steps it up to see you outside of the weekend. If not, you have your answer. Unless he is traveling all week long on business, there is no reason why he can’t see you during the week.

When a man sees a future with you, he will make time to spend with you and want to be with you. He will integrate you.

Can you advise what the exclusive agreement was and how it came about?

To answer some questions..
Yes I’ve been many times to where he lives. We’ve only had a handful of sleeping over in the early days when he pursued me hard. I’ve met his best friend and his sister. We’ve spent time with his sister but not hung out with friends. I’ve recently asked him to a social event with friends of mine to which he said if he’s not working he would love to come. I know his routine pretty well.. He’s open as to what he gets up to during the week. He travels away from home every second week.

He’s 34. We became intimate about 5weeks into dating. I don’t think it’s just a fwb thing? We’re not intimate every date (but still a fair bit). He is very attentive, affectionate and sweet on our weekend dates. Occasionally when I’ve had a busy weekend with social things, he will plan a date around a time that suits me best not vice versa.

He brought up the topic of exclusivity about 2weeks ago. How did it come about? I’d been dating a few guys and done some thinking about out casual dating. He had been a touch distant for a week or two. I told him I need some time to think about what I want. When I caught up with him again after a few days, I mentioned that while I enjoy his company I’m not sure where he’s at, that if he’s not interested in really dating to just let me know and I’d move on. To be honest. He then asked if I’m dating other people, I said yes keeping my options open. He then shared that he’s looking for a relationship, wants to take things slowly but wants to see where we may go. He asked about us being exclusive while were together. I’ve never pushed a guy about the gf title..

Frankly it’s a fwb if he hasn’t given the title. Accepting exclusive without that means you are ok with being ambiguous. IMO

He is keeping you on a reserve list while he does his thing. Meaning that he knows you will be waiting around for him and will see him on his terms only.

Asking for exclusive should mean he wants you in his life and you are together doing things. One day a week is not a relationship nor does it foster building one. It takes a lot of face time to truly get to know each other and to create that bond. And men DO bond by doing things with you… Not just talking.

It’s not the best idea to stop dating other men if he hasn’t locked you down. A man will attempt to eliminate competition and yet not plan to get more serious, committed to you. What you did was just make it easier for him and now he can take his time and keep you in limbo without concern of you straying. Bad strategy on your part.

Taking it slow is man code for, I don’t want a relationship with you…..

Others may disagree, but I’ve never been with a man who has said he wants to go slow, that was wanting to commit to me.

The fact he gave you a less than enthusiastic response to spending time with you furthers my argument that this man is not looking to move things forward.

See if he changes, but if he continues with once a week and has excuses for not increasing it, i would tell him that you want a relationship in which you spend more time with that person. See what he says. If he says he cNt proved that, you’ll have to decide if you want to continue accepting. This or move on.

Here’s the thing.. It’s not a matter of being taboo… When a man really wants a relationship with you, he will make it happen. He will be the one wanting to spend more time with you. So, the fact you find yourself feeling helpless is because he never really stepped up or attempted to make this progress.

Men hate long freedom… bUT with the right woman, he will sacrifice that and his time because he wants to be with you and wants to bond by doing things and creating memories.

I think that’s kind of been in the back if my mind the last few weeks.. Surely if he was interested in a relationship things would have progressed a bit now. It’s natural to start integrating someone into your life. And if they don’t, they’re not interested enough. Maybe I’ve been partially in denial as the time we do spend together is great. Just not enough.. I’ll definitely raise the question if there’s no change in the nxt two weeks or so. No more half committal answers. At least then I can make a choice what I want

Thanks Diane. Not sure about asking about previous relationships but I suppose I could drop it into a conversation somewhere. Because i have some feelings for this man, i wanted to give him a chance. I definitely do know I will never wait around for months or years on end for someone who is half committed. Been there, done that years ago. I’ll be closely watching his actions now

sucesesful men do not have all the time in the world to spend with you. some women are not ok with it and prefer men to spend time with them.

Evening* not waving. I don’t spend all day doing that haha. Darn typos!

I’ve been dating my boyfriend 18 months and spend on.average one evening a,week together, not always the whole night and not definately every week. We have gone a month of just brief contact by phone and in person. We are both divorced, he is a,successful business man and has little free time, I am a single full time working parent. We.are both hard working and lead very busy lives.

My previous relationships,were needy abd abusive. My current boyfriend is a gentle man and has,a heart of gold. I have struggled with anxiety because you can read everywhere that if he hasn’t locked you in by 3, months he’s not serious, He has to do this and That in order for you to.know he’s committed. I have taken it extremely slow because thats what he has shown me, true love from a place of trust and respect. My anxiety about him leaving me is mine not his. Some websites have been so helpful in building my self esteem. Now I’m confident I trust him. It’s not the amount of time spent together or sacrifices, its the quality of yoyr relationship and trust that are crucial. Sometimes I’m jealous that lovers , couples, daters etc get to spend time every week together and worried the man isn’t prioritizing the relationship or isn’t committed. Whatever

Just my two cents worth. I understand where Sandra is coming from and I think there is something to be said for taking a step back and reading your situation as it is.

I’m one of those people who likes to do things ‘right’, who likes to pre empt, who has high walls and wants to be one step ahead so she doesn’t get hurt. As a result I spend a lot of time on websites like this and reading advice online.

The advice is great in giving you a general idea, but sometimes you rly need to look at your own situation yourself. A friend recently yelled at me when I let spewing this stuff I’d read online and applying it to my own case- he was like ‘life isn’t a page out of a magazine article. You know your guy the best. Stop judging him on others standards’.

So yeah, take a look at your guy for what he is. I’m guilty of not doing that and I’m starting to see that it’s rly working to my detriment. Trust your gut once yu have a little time and space to process things. He may be a rly good guy who just is pretty busy or who doesn’t warm up to pple so fast. If he’s showing you attention but is hesitant, look at how he treats his good friends, siblings, exes etc. Maybe he takes time to open up? Or maybe he simply doesn’t need that much contact. Then is up to you to tell him what you want and see if he’s willing to make you happy :)

Exactly Nicole. For instance I am dealing with this really passive, laid back and shy guy. But I keep expecting him to behave like a James Bond character in terms of putting himself out there, saying what he wants, initiating etc. He’s not that guy but he’s a rly good guy. And i keep following the magazine advice and keep doubting and faulting him based on this. It’s not a wise thing to do.

Im trying to change my ways. But that said I do need to step back and ask myself if I’m someone who’s looking for a more suave, confident, assertive guy.

And I think yu have to do the same in your context- realize that he likes you and is doing what he can, but then ask if that’s enough for you.