Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Quality time
- This topic has 36 replies and was last updated 10 years, 2 months ago by
LAgirl.
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LAgirl
Oops, auto correct…
First sentence is I believe….
Sherri
Nicole, from my own experience a guy can behave very lovey dovey when meeting and still it not going anywhere.
I have an FWB who treats me very well. We see each other once a week or once every two weeks depending on our schedules. We go out on dates sometimes. I have met his family, gone to a family function where I met his sister and cousins. Both of us are quite busy. But I don’t see it progressing anywhere. And I am not really interested in it progressing anywhere so that if fine for me. We are also exclusive – as in sexually exclusive.
He treated his two long term gfs the same way. Treated them very well but it did not progress further after him giving them the title. One gf he was with for 6 years and she finally got tired of waiting and broke up with him. 2 years later she married another guy and now she has two kids.
Another gf he was with her for 4 years. Again did not progress further.
IMO what they had was just an FWB with a title. If a relationship does not progress further then you have to think about whether this is what you want. Just how a guy treats you is not really the answer.
I was recently talking to a guy at a meet up and he told me that his sister was with a guy for 5 years and it was not progressing further. She wanted to get married and have a family. She finally dumped him and found another guy and they were married in 1.5 years. That first guy too treated her quite well.
Something to think about …………
Shanell
Are you familiar with Love Languages?
The way we receive or give love is different for every person. My boyfriend never understood my need to spend more time together because his love language was Acts of Service. Acts of Service are things like helping around the house, running errands for him or cooking for him. Those were the things I did that made him feel loved.
My love language was quality time. And not just being together watching TV, but having at least 20-30 minutes each day we see each other to catch up one on one made a world of difference for me. My other love language was Touch (so massages, cuddling, hugging etc).
Talk to him about how him spending time with you is not just because you want him all to yourself, but that when he does it shows you that he cares. I encourage you to read more about love languages. It changed the way that we viewed our interactions with one another.
And as a side-note, I think it’s very sweet that your BF sacrifices his weekends, EVERY weekend, to be with you. I live in NYC, so to our guys, the weekends are extremely precious. I think it’s a great sign that he reserves that time for you! Don’t be too pushy on the subject because it seems like you guys have something great building here. Keep pressing the issue and you may push him away.
Juliette
Why not just say that on weeks when he is in town, you would love to find more time to spend together… ??? It’s not needy.
Nicole
I’ve never read nor heard of five love languages, I’ll go check it out.
I know that quality time is important for me to progress things further. I’m certainly not going to wait months or years if my needs aren’t met. More like weeks. I wasted 3.5trs on one past relationship hoping a man will change. Lesson learnt. You have all given me a lot to think about.
Thank you ??
Diane
Sherri – what you described is what I called perpetual singles…. Lots of them out there these days… Especially those who have been married and who is doing well on his/her own…
Frankly I am becoming one of them these days, coming out of a 7 year marriage, and with 2 preteen now…
The OP seems to be at a diff life stage, so it is up to her whether she wants to wait around
Hannah
I’m in a similar situation. The guy I’m seeing and I have been seeing each other for 6 months now. This isn’t our first go at this but this time has been unbelievably different than the other times we dated. We only see each other once or twice a week because we have ridiculously busy schedules and kids. Things are progressing slowly but progress is progress. We recently had “the talk” which he initiated. We are both on the same page accept for the bf/gf title. I told him that I want my next relationship to be my last so I’m totally ok with pacing this out. I feel like I want more but, I don’t know what more is. I think everything that’s suppose to happen will happen. If we are meant to be, we will. It’s all about timing.
Sasha
Nicole, I’m in a somewhat similar situation as you, I have a bf whom I met 3 months ago. We are exclusive and we just recently put the title on BUT he too is very busy (hes a sound engineer and owns 2 companies in the film industry) so needless to say, he has very little free time. I see him sometimes twice a week, maybe one day is a quick lunch date and the next might be an evening together. However, we do have sleepovers. BUT due to his demanding schedule, we on average only see each others once a week, we’ve even gone two weeks without a date…BUT! i knew this before getting involved and invested. I liked what someone above said, “successful men are very busy and don’t typically have a lot of free time. But when they do and they give it to you, that says a lot.” I feel this way about my bf. The fact that he may give me his Saturday’s when he could be sleeping or going out for a beer with his buddies he doesn’t see often, means a lot and I appreciate it. Yes, i wish I could see him more but, I know he likes me, I know he wants to spend time with me and its the quality of time spent that has me feeling all warm and fuzzy, rather than the quantity. Also, we talk every day and he typically calls me at night before he goes to bed. I think that really helps too and makes for waiting a whole week not seem so long. :)
Jayne
I read some of the responses and there’s some good advice here. Just want to put my 2 cents in because I think I know how you feel.
I’ve been dating my guy for 2 years. Early on, we got together about 3 times a week but once we became exclusive (about 2 months in) that dropped off immediately. I guess, he thought he had me and could be himself. But isn’t that what we want when we care about someone? I want him to be himself.
Yes, I would love to be the center of his universe but I also think that would send me running.
My man is a committed bachelor or so he says. But he also has a daughter he is devoted to and he is also very much into routine…almost OCD about it. I realize that’s not going to change. I either accept it or move on. I get once a week but I am treated like a princess that day…doors opened, chair pulled out, money spent, good conversation, fireworks…
But I am over 60 with grown children. He’s 8 years younger. :)) I’m not looking for forever. (At this age, forever has arrived. LOL)
I do believe we have to keep up the tension. If he’s not stepping up then put him on the back burner. (I did that for 4 months. I started seeing someone else.) It is true that if a man cares about you, he will step up if he thinks he is going to lose you. And it really feels good when he does step up. I believe that also helps a guy clarify his feelings. Men are different. Sometimes they have to be hit over the head before they wake up. (I think of the V8 commercial where the guy hits his head with his hand and says: “I could have had a V8!” I think that happens when a man gets the opportunity to miss you.)
The nice thing about taking things slow and as it comes is that you can really get to know the person and learn if in fact he is quality.
Some of the best advice I have seen on any of these sites is to just enjoy being together and have fun when you are with him. That’ll give him something good to think about and make it more likely that he’ll want to see more of you.
As for the sleep over, he probably snores or has gas and doesn’t want you to know that about him yet for fear you’ll dump him.
Look for the good. If you are a fit, it will happen. It has to work for both of you to make a happy couple.
Delilah
I too have a guy I was only seeing once a week…. We’ve been seeing each other 7 months now. I think it’s important to understand what he’s doing when he’s not with you. What are his priorities? In my case, my guy’s love language was not the same as mine. He was amazing when we were together and brought me nice little gifts etc. My love language is quality time.
If he’s working or hanging out with the guys partying, you may be out of luck. If not, the door is open IMHO. I told my BF I had a wonderful time being with him and that quality time was really important to me — it’s what makes me feel close to someone. He responded by suggesting we find more time and we did. You don’t have to be needy or whine about it. If he doesn’t respond or doesn’t want to spend more time, don’t waste your’s and move on to someone better! :-)
Nicole
I don’t think I expressed very well to him about needing quality time. All I told him was I enjoy his company and would be nice to occasionally see him more. He did say his work is tough during weekdays but it’s workable. He’s now arranged a midweek date with me. A little bit of time and actions will tell where things go :)
LAgirl
See what happens… I’m Leary of men fitting you in.. That’s not a relationship in my opinion. Any man I’ve had serious with me makes it happen without my prompting or asking.
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