Quarantine crazies

I joined a dating site a couple months ago as soon as the lock down began and met someone We’ll call him “Blake.” We communicated daily..sometimes for hours, shared a lot of memes/Jokes, Planned a trip to my family’s summer home on the beach, etc. Overall, staying in these last couple months was great for me Mentally & physically but then things started to unravel.

One of my relatives passed away, my friend & his GF whom I’ve known 7 years took advantage by trying to move in after their week stay was up & heard some not so nice stuff they said about me courtesy of the cameras in my home. The icing on the cake was finding out my ex Fiance, who had been reaching out to me during Jan. was actually married 2 months after breaking off our engagement a year ago (His wife started calling me, No I don’t have feelings for him.)

Needless to say, I was harboring some not so great thoughts about my ability to pick friends or Bf’s. I tried not to show it bothered me so much but “Blake” was very supportive, I just felt it was too soon for him to see me dwelling so I downplayed it.

We Finally met on Friday night 8 pm till Sat 8 am: Everything was great until about an hour or 2 towards the end and all that alcohol we drank hit me. Apparently, I was nervous about disclosing some information about my sexual health (I always disclose prior) and was really in my head about it. Then after all that heavy petting I was frustrated with the lack of “action” on his lower half. He continued kissing me to calm me down but I became agitated, rude and dismissive up until he left. I apologized profusely the next day & he told me not to stress. Sunday I decided to see some friends and tell them ALL about my shameful behavior what over dinner (we did maintain our social distance.)

Suddenly, I got a pic text from Blake commenting on all the cop lights from a bridge. I smiled in relief and relaxed a little but reminded myself not to say much while sipping my mojitos.

Clearly booze, myself and this man do not mix. He then wrote “I forgot to ask you something and then followed up with Never mind” to which I replied “after Friday night you can ask me anything!” Well, Blake called a little later in the evening and I remember NOTHING about our 18 minute conversation yet somehow everything else I did throughout the night?

Monday–No messages I asked how his day was..but when I re read the above text and noticed the call log & I panicked. I asked if we spoke and what about–He called me “pathetic” and said “You would say I forgot.” I didn’t drink for over 6 weeks prior and these 2 days we’re just DISASTROUS.

Blake eventually said he understood,” it’s ok sh*t happens” & “Good Night (kiss emoji) ”

I doubt I’ll be hearing from him again, I really hope he can remember me for me before all this stuff this happened clearly, it’s a stretch. With the quarantine I can’t even get out and blow steam off by doing my own thing, so it’s really hard not to think about.

If I get a chance to be in contact again, how would I go about it?