Question for those who have given their guy space

It really depends on the person and relationship, but I’ve been in a serious relationship with my bf for 9 months and the longest break he’s taken was 5 days. That only happened once. A few other times it was for 2-3 days, but we don’t necessarily talk/text every day anyway. I’ll usually send him a quick text not expecting a response even though he always does, and then go back to being silent until he’s ready to surface again. It doesn’t bother me because I have a busy schedule as well. With the 5 day silence I asked him politely to at least check in with me after a couple days. He agreed and things have been fine since.

Maddy, do you know what it is exactly that your guy/bf is going through? That is a very important factor. My bf and I considered breaking up and I took some time/gave him space, and it lasted a week. My best friend, on the other hand, is in a relationship with a guy who’s mother passed away a year ago when they had been together for a little over a year and who himself went through a really rough time at work for about 6 months around the same time. The guy was depressed and not present at all for almost 8 months – even though he was texting my friend every day and they would see each other a few times a week throughout the hard time – and my friend grew more and more anxious and insecure. In the end they went on a break of about a month to get their heads sorted out (with occasional contact), got back together and are now moving in together.

The bottom line is of course, as others have said, that everyone is unique and people react to stress in very different ways. If your bf being distant is taking its toll on you, you may want to use this time to consider if this is the kind of person you want to be with. Are you ok with him withdrawing when something (possibly major) is going on in his life or would you be more comfortable with someone who is more open and able to talk about their issues. Men are generally worse than women at talking about difficult stuff but not every guy turns into a Neanderthalian under stress :)

Hi Carrie,

He went through the one year anniversary of a really terrible and unexpected death in the family, and he also took on a workload that’s a lot for one human to manage in addition to running into some financial issues.

NY2GAgirl,

We went all of not last week, but the week before without talking, and then last weekend he contacted me. Since then it’s been every day or every other day, and very casual conversation too. I haven’t seen him in a few weeks, but he also had barely made time to even see his mother due to his busy work schedule

I met him about halfway through September but we didn’t start dating until halfway through November.

“I just don’t know what his intentions are for this relationship” – That tells me that you are not a couple or exclusive couple? You are just getting to know each other and you’ve been dating him since mid Nov? Nothing wrong with that, I’m just observing your timeline. Technically you have been dating him for almost 3 months, have there been anything talked about being exclusive or do you call each other boyfriend/girlfriend?

This relationship is very new and I think observing his behavior is the best thing you can do at this time, you’ll learn about yourself too. Keep positive and don’t let the distance get to you. He’ll come around. When your relationship is more established, then you can communicate with each other what your needs are about certain things like this, but also just “know” that a man does need time to think, to re-gather themselves at times and it’s not something that you can schedule on a calendar lol, it just comes and learn to trust yourself that you know this about your guy. Obviously if his distance, followed by red flags come about, rethink your situation.

I feel like giving space is the greatest thing.
If you feel the guy you’re seeing seems distant, back off and give him space.
If you feel your bf is going through a tough time, tell him you’ll be there and stop contacting so much.
Almost always they will come back, in a few days or in a week.
If they don’t, do nothing. Giving space to someone means you are getting your space too! Take this time and nurture yourself and reflect what you’re about.

I know everyone says that in these situations, guys come around, and maybe I’m just really paranoid, but I’m so scared he won’t. He led me to believe that he saw us as being a long-term item, but I don’t know how he feels now simply because men are hard to understand sometimes, haha.

He said his distance has nothing to do with me, but I gathered that what he needed was space because he said “I feel like with everyone going on I can’t be there for another human right now” and proceeded to tell me he was emotionally in really bad shape. Again, this conversation was about 2 and a half weeks ago, and we’ve since talked, but nothing super relationship-y. I hate to bring it up because I feel like it just adds more stress, and I don’t want this relationship to be a source of stress for him but of comfort.

This guy is in no shape for a relationship. Nothing wrong with that, just not a boyfriend material.

Hi Maddy.

I just posted a thread about my boyfriend wanting space and initially he told me that he needed space because I was getting controlling and that only he would initiate for the next 2 weeks or so. I decided to give him space and not contact him till he reached out but he called the very next day to see how I am. But then again in my past, when guys have asked for space it has been more then just a day. And whenever they ask for space, I just do my thing as difficult as it may seem and they always pick on the vibe that I am busy with other things and text back in a few days.

WRT you, I suggest that you get busy and don’t initiate contact for the next week or so. See if he misses you and if he does not, then continue dating him but don’t be exclusive till you see a drastic change and I don’t mean, date other guys till he chases you. I mean just date other guys and commit to the guy that you like the most and who is putting in the effort.

Good luck :)

I went silent on my boyfriend for 3 days. Not to test him but I had other things going on. He said he was waiting for me to contact him but I told him that I knew he was with his family so I didn’t want to interrupt. Plus I had to work all week. I guess it depends on how close the bond is.