Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Really liked this guy I hooked up with, help
- This topic has 59 replies and was last updated 3 years, 7 months ago by
Maddie.
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Mary sheley
Idk, I have issues. I chase those who seem unattainable and reject those who are available. Someone who wants to get closer to me scares me. I have commitment problems can’t stay long with one person. If the thrill of chasing is not there I’m losing interest. Is like I despise genuine emotions and sabotage myself from love. Is like I don’t believe I deserve love and respect and value. I feel rotten inside and a slut.
tammy
so step back. you have many issues and complexes. you need to meet a therapist and sort out all these issues. there have to be reasons why you feel the way you do abt self. why do you do things which make you feel bad about self. please step back at this point. take help. sort out the reasons. know why you do what you do. take a step towards liking and loving self. forget men and sex at this point. your biggest relationship has to be with self. get healthy. get sorted. start loving yourself the way god has made you. dont do things that make you hate yourslf. till you begin to love yourslf, it may be difficult to allow anyone to love you. forget this man. hes not important. focus on self and self improvement.
Newbie
You could have issues that prevent you from making healthy decisions and act accordingly. For example bad upbringings or feeling unloved or a mechanical misfunction that can cause borderline. You could have this checked out. I suggest you do this. I can help you in the future.
The upside of all this is: now you share a Netflix account with fwb and on and off maybe violent ex. Lol.
But seriously i only wish the best for you but i think posting unclear stories here are not the best wayMary sheley
I am not diagnosed with anything didn’t have a bad upbringing. Was just bullied in school for being nerd and shy person. I was a bright student but lonely. Maybe there is a condition in my brain don’t know but it’s scary.
Mary sheley
Oh I don’t share it. I only have the credentials. I can just stop watching and create my own.
Erin
I guess the question of the hour is
“What do you want?”
Padmini
Mary,
Thank you for answering my Question and hence clarifying the Matter.
You are on the right Path:
I am proud of you for having the Moral-Compass to direct you towards not hurting anybody. I now find it to be a Grey-Area since that Guy had not told you he was actually in an Open-Relationship before you hooked-up. It is great that you are now trying to consider what all is best for all parties involved.
I would recommend that you block this Guy out completely and get Therapy in the meantime. The Guy does not respect you in his words to you the first time you met him and in stringing-you-along while he is in a Relationship.
Once you get Therapy and attain self-respect, you can reapproach Dating.
I am also very empathetic towards your experience of having been bullied; which I also sadly under-went, being so painfully-shy and bookish. It would be a good idea for you to also tackle having been a bullying-victim.
I wish you good luck! We are all here for you!
Mary sheley
Honestly, my peace of mind. It’s been exhausting chasing after guy, after guy, after guy. When I was younger it used to be fun, I was seeing it as a game, enjoying my time but many years passed and at this moment of my life I’m emotionally overwhelmed and drained. I need a break. Want to go back to being the chilled person that I used to be, that brought together friends was going out a lot socializing and didn’t care to prove anything to anybody (college years)
Mary sheley
Dear Padmini,
Indeed, it is difficult to process being victim of bullying which is something I never faced myself about and some of the words spoken about me were internalized within me wrongly. Apologies about my grammar or syntax as I’m not a native English speaker. Also, as a person I’m naive and tend to see the good in everyone or understanding everyone and loving and respecting people but myself. I quite find it unfair to be treated in this regard especially since I’m honest and open from the start. Maybe this is another mistake of mine, putting everyone’s needs above mine. Will check it though asap with a therapist. Thank you all ☺
Maddie
“I chase those who seem unattainable and reject those who are available. Someone who wants to get closer to me scares me. I have commitment problems can’t stay long with one person. If the thrill of chasing is not there I’m losing interest. Is like I despise genuine emotions and sabotage myself from love. Is like I don’t believe I deserve love and respect and value.”
Mary, a good therapist can definitely help you if you’re ready to deal with your issues. Sounds to me like you probably have a fearful avoidant attachment style, which can be healed and doesn’t mean anything is broken in your brain. It does take time and work to address, but it’ll get you off the chasing unavailable man after man merry-go-round.
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