Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Reassurance that I did the right thing
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 3 years, 8 months ago by
Lane.
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abby
I broke up with my boyfriend and I’m devastated about it because I didn’t want to, but U knew it was the right thing. It has been a week and I’m caving and starting to regret it. Can y’all read through some of our relationship to see if I was in the right for breaking up with him? He once told me he wished I had bigger boobs so that it would look proportional and match the rest of my body, he would send me “ideas” of sexy videos to send him but it would be actual videos of girls he wanted me to copy, he would get mad when I told him I didn’t like that he was looking at other girls butts and making comments about them, he never posted me on social media or even told anyone we were dating for the first 4 months, he made fun of the me too movement when he knew I was a sexual assault victim. A couple months back, an ex boyfriend of mine/close friend (we ended on good terms) lost his life. My boyfriend knew him but wasn’t friends with him like I was. When we were at his celebration of life ceremony, I stood next to my boyfriend for support because of how much I was grieving during the service, and my boyfriend didn’t acknowledge me the entire three hours. He would randomly lash out at me in the middle of a regular conversation and would always make jokes that he knew were upsetting to me. However I was head over heels for him, and we wer planning on getting engaged sometime in the next year. I was already looking at wedding venues, we talked about rings and how we would manuever college and being engaged/married, so that is why I’m scared I overreacted to his flaws and that I could have fixed our relationship instead of leaving it. Do you think I made the right call leaving?
AngieBaby
You posted about this before right? Story sounds familiar.
HELL YES you made the right decision to dump his selfish butt and HELL NO you shouldn’t go crawling back.
I’d suggest you could benefit from some counseling to explore why you would tolerate all this BS and still be head over heels in love and desperate to marry this weenie. Seriously. You need to get some healthier boundaries and self esteem before you go dating again or you’ll just get more of the same. You deserve much better but you have to be willing to know that and set the bar much higher than this.
Raven
You posted about this before?
Do. Not. Look. Back. Run!
Ewa
Read your post and tell me if this was your friend what advice would you have given ?
Erin
I agree with Angie who said you need counseling, first to address your sexual assault trauma. Second it also seems like you are a magnet for really toxic men and its something which can only be unpacked in therapy, on why you choose those kinds of men because it becomes a pattern, better to nip it in the bud before it becomes a disease.
This one is just scum, you did the right thing,don’t look back. It’s time to work on yourself and get the help you need. It’s called a ‘dating yourself’ phase.
Erin
And please do enjoy the college experience to the fullest without rushing to get hitched to the closest guy who gives you the minimum attention. Getting married in college is a big responsibility which needs maturity and healthy relationships with good foundations. Something which you lacked with this clown.
Lane
You are a walking, talking, co-dependent!!! You can’t fix him, that’s not your job, or role in life, however its your job to fix you, and I would start reading up on co-dependency.
You don’t realize how bad it would have gotten if you continued to stay in this toxic relationship! You’re self-esteem, self-respect, and self-worth is already in shambles, and you need to work on re-building that, as well as your boundaries, so you will spot, and never, re-engage with a man who makes you feel bad! A good man LIFTS YOU UP, and SUPPORTS YOU, not tears you down.
Stand firm in your decision! You will absolutely grieve the FANTASY of what *might have been* if HE was a better guy but he’s not, and will only keep hurting, and destroying what shred of self-esteem, and respect, you might have left. You need to buy a lot of ‘self help’ books. I would start with “Codependent No More…” by Melody Beatie. Then read on how to improve your boundaries; how to repair your self-esteem; how to rebuild your confidence, and empower yourself. I also found empowering quotes, wrote them on a sticky, put them on my bathroom mirror and read them until I believed it!
These books, and quotes SAVED ME, and my sanity, when I finally left mine after 20+ years—if I can do it, you can do it, and the great thing is I refused to settle for any guy who wanted to tear me down, and finally ‘the one’ who builds me up; supports me; cares for me; dotes on me; truly loves me for who I am, and continues to do so 4.5 years later! That guy is out there, you just need to fix you first so you can draw a great man towards you :o)
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