Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Relationship anxiety but good progress?
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 4 years, 8 months ago by
Jade.
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Jade
Hi everyone.
I just wanted to write in and chat about this, I’m 24 by the way.
So I’ve always had this problem when dating, which is relationship anxiety. I get into a relationship and after a few months I become this anxious, paranoid girlfriend. I have self destructive behaviour in relationships where I’ll get really scared incase hes going to cheat or lie and I’ll do things to try and prove that I’m right, like looking through his history or checking his messages (if his phone is around and he’s not). This is speaking from past relationships. I’m single at the minute.
But a couple of months ago, I stopped looking for things I knew wouldn’t be good for to ‘look’ for, and even though it’s tough not to give into addiction of the self sabatoge, say looking at an exs page, or his ex pages, I came to this realisation that I was never aware of before. the reason why I do this, is because I make these scenarios up in my head that aren’t even true,that seem very believable. But I think of the worst possible case scenario, and before I give myself time to really think about it and question it, I just believe my thoughts and jump to conclusions.
Is this good progress that I’ve become aware of this. If I question my thoughts and don’t jump to conclusions or not to ‘spy’ on their privacy. Could that lead to better relationships for me?
mell
That’s a start! sounds like you are learning about your anxiety and where it is coming from.
Now is a good time to work on yourself – especiallly whilst youre single and have the time to do so. So that wehn you choose to be with soeone, youre in a better place.
So, there is treatment for anxiety. And I don’t just mean meds (though they are good too). Try counselling. Try CBT. Try midnfullness. You can learn to harness your thoughts and avoid letting anxiety run the show. There are plenty of apps, websites, self help books.
I have anxiety (usually not relationship based unless im having a very bad time) and taking charge and seeking help is the best thing to stop it from running your life- with proper help or CBT you can learn to lead your mind back from drawing wrong conclusions and get it to focus. You can learn to take control of anxious houghts so they don’t run away with you.
Jade
Thank you! It can be tough deffinitly, It’s not easy trying to ‘reprogramme’ your brain.
I have been going to counselling for about 2 years now and it does help a lot!
Newbie
Its a baby step, you can only tell once you start to date again. What should help you, besides the therapy you get, is the notion that you survived the relationships you had so far. Youre not dead, youre not alone, youre not heart broken or broken. Most anxiety is based on irrational fears that have a lot to do with fearing abandonment but that doesnt happen.
With any new guy that comes along you need to know youre fine going and fine if it doesnt work out.
Read why men love b*tches because it has a lot to do with feeling secure and independent. Good luckNewbie
*fine going in and fine going out
Jade
Thanks for the book to read, it sounds interesting.
And that’s true, its kinda scary for me to get into new relationships because the past ones didn’t work out so well.
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