Relationship with man who has no direction

You cant make a deputy downer into Smiley face. What you describe about your partner is that he feels down, depressed, stuck at work, doesnt like the house but has done nothing to change anything about what bothers him.
You on the other hand seem to take his moods personal which i should try to prevent. This is who he is. Also you say it offends you since you are happy to be with him, which is clearly not true since you think about breaking up. You could talk to him, explain you understand he has depressions, but also a dark outlook on life that is not attractive to be around or to have as a father of your kids. And give him some time to come up with a plan. Or just pull the plug already.
I cant tell you what sort of partner suits you. I can omly tell that this guy you are describing is making me depressed on the spot, so i wouldnt be able to have him as my partner. And that not for depression but for being so totally passive. I had a friend like that and he is still like that. Even to the point where he got two kids he doesnt get exited about (his gf wears the pants), his new dead end job. Being his gf would be a death sentence for me but she seems to do well.

Hi Marie it sounds like your partner just has a very negative outlook and attitude towards life. Nothing will make him happy and he seems to be unhappy with his choices in life but refuses to change them. I don’t think he is suffering from depression but jut a negative nelly. My ex was extremely negative and he would admit it. He also hated where he was in life at 40 not having his career where he anticipated it to be, but like your man wasn’t doing anything to improve it.
I once asked a friend of mine if 2 people who had different views with their life could be together…for example a go getter always looking to improve with someone who is complacent getting by and has no desire to change their life style. She told me no because the one person will always be looking ahead while the other is looking back. At first I didn’t agree because there are many couples where one person is more ambition/successful than the other, but when I experienced it with my ex I understood the lack of desire on their part put a huge strain on the relationship. Now when 2 people are on the same path such as wanting a better life for both and are supportive to each other in a positive way then you have equal compatibility.

This is a him problem, not a you problem but for some reason you are taking his personality personally. He’s a Beta guy who’s not going to evolve into an Alpha.

I agree with others in that threatening to or taking a break is going to spur him into action just so you can get what you want without taking his personality into consideration is not the solution. The problem with this is, it *may* work for a short bit but he will revert back to his natural complaining and complacent beta self and you’ll be right back to where you are now.

This is what pre-marital dating is about; figuring out if you can make it over the long haul with the least amount of issues or problems to plow through. Sure, you can break up and get yourself an Alpha (“go getter”) but you will be much lonelier and find yourself doing a bulk of the chores and parenting, as their career will take precedence, so be careful what you wish for.

Your temperments are not compatible. His gloom and whining while not taking responsibility/action to make things is going to depress and drag you down to his level. Like Red Curly Sue, I had a husband like this and it was terrible and did not improve with having a child! I really would break up and look for someone similar/positive like you are. Better to be alone than with someone who dwells in Gloomville.