Response to Eric Carles "Are Men Evil" newsletter..

Hey thanks Kate. I will check it out!!

You have been such a big part in my dating dilemma. I appreciate you! Thank you for your kindness.

Thanks Kate-

Ive been reading that too.

I started talking to a different guy on Sunday morning. He wanted to meet up on Tues (yesterday) but I told him I could not. Then I told him on Sunday that Monday is my bday and I am taking a day off of work to relax. He told me that I deserved to be pampered etc on my special day. I said I will just relax and go to lunch with my mom. At first he told me Monday he has work, then work event after until 8 which I said nothing. Then since he found out it was my birthday he said, “well it’s your special day, why dont I take you out for icecream after I get done with my work event at 8pm” I agreed since he was making such a effort after a long day of work. We talked for just over an hour during desert and it was nice. He texted me an hour after we said goodbye and said have a goodnight and good day at work tomorrow. Let’s see how this goes…..

Janice,
It sounds like that date was working more in your favor. Maybe this was illustrating my husband’s point about why guys have to play it cool too (not calling, games) because if they’re perceived as too nice it could be a turn off for you. Just like if we don’t make them invest they don’t value as much. My coworker told me a saying “Easy to get= easy to lose. Hard to get = hard to lose. “I know it’s messed up but you should practice your dating technique on guys you don’t like (then you see what works/what doesn’t) and the loss isn’t much of a loss if it fails. At the least it’s a good dinner..a night out, right? One of my old friends called it a ” buffer boy”, (I don’t know she said it was a reference is cosmo magazine)that you practice playing it cool, work on your game with this one hahaa.

Hi Janice,
It is hard to find a “nice” guy that you’re attracted to (it was for me!) I had guy friends that were butt ugly and worshipped me, but any guy with looks or semi looks usually played games..(they would take 2 steps forward and 3 steps back) hot/cold games ya know.. When I met my husband I was trying to keep an open mind. I just wanted to date, I figured why wait around for the perfect person to come along? It’s a fun night out.. and maybe they have a cute friend (one time the guy DID have a hot friend haha) but you know, just putting myself out there. I basically gave my husband a makeover.. so sometimes we gotta work with our options if we like the person.
With that guy you’re saying he kept giving you his #, but you wouldn’t call and gave yours instead.. good move. Yes let him come to you, yes. If we act like we’re eager they interpret it as desperate. I even came up with a name for this. I called it “the cool game”..I was playing it cool. Even if I liked them.. always played it cool and kept them guessing. The guys that I was “real/open” with.. just tried to use me or play me out.., so I put my foot down to be the cool game master. I even had guy friends who were the life of the parties calling ME a player (I’m totally NOT) They would say that I “Played guys out and had them holding their skirts” (like they couldnt handle it bahaha better than being heartbroken) but shoot, can’t blame a chic for playing her cards right, to win.

Janice,
Sounds like it’s going good for you though. Yes i’d say let the guys take you out, why not. That’s how it is, the more the merrier. See it’s nice to sit back and let them step up. It sets a good start where they are coming to you. It’s good you are keeping busy because they have to try even harder to get you to make time for them. Guys are probably used to nice girls that drop everything and give full attention (and they don’t appreciate it) so yes, you’re teaching them how to approach you.. you are conditioning them right!

Answer.. keep it short and sweet. see what HE has to say for himself. A LOT of guys come back out of curiousity/ego boot, so BE WARY ! If he’s jsust texting and not explaining or asking to meet.. STOP texting him back. JUST GO NC again ! Simple as.

DO not get into feelings or long winded texts.

THEY ALWAYS CONTACT. It’s trying to figure out what they want that’s the hard part !

Try not to get your hopes up… he’ll show his hand soon enough… my bet is it’s curiousity/ego boost , as in my book, a guy that REALLy wants you back, would be saying a lot more straight off the bat.

Stick with dating the guy you have for now.. even if you are not interested, it will take your mind off ER guy a bit and distract you.

I have NO doubt ER guy will want you back when he hears of other guy.. but DOES HE WANT YOU REALLY ?????

ER guy has a LOT of months of proving himself !!!