Same Old Rubbish

You’re right, you can’t expect your partner to think like you do. At the end of the day, he’s not obligated to help you financially. It sounds like he’s generous in many ways (paying for holidays and taking you out) so I don’t know why you describe him as “cold and frugal”? Especially since you haven’t even asked him for money (right?), is he supposed to read your mind and offer?

Bottom line, he is not responsible for your debts. I’m sorry you’re struggling and have experienced medical issues. But none of that is his fault, or his responsibility.

You take out family and relatives and you pay. So you think your generous.
He takes you out for meals and for holidays. So well hes generous too, isnt he?

The question here is you want him to be the provider, take charge and pay for all your those needs which your struggling to pay .. but hes not doing that. I think i get your view, you feel let down.. but in todays world where many guys expect their partners to pay their way even for a meal, i still feel hes not so bad or so frugal as you say..

I think going ahead him not helping you monetarily now, is not going to go well for the future of your relationship. In case he does offer to help you financially, have you thought how you will repay? More importantly, will you be able to repay?? I think all these factors could be a deterrent for him.

For instance, my sistrs friend asked my sister to help pay his sons fees for higher studies in a very expensive University. My sister asked me what I thought. I told her if you give the money, consider it charity cause i seriously doubt he wld be able to pay you back. My sister is single and has worked very hard to reach where she is today. I told her she can give to the extent she can write it off from her books. I asked her after some months whether she gave the money. She said no she didnt.

You guys dont live together nor are you married. By lending it to you, its like that much money gone, bad debts write off.. So maybe thats why hes hesitant? What am saying is, is there a plan in terms of how much you need and how do you intend to pay it back? Or you just want him to take over some of your financial burden on an ongoing basis?

I love Tammy’s reply, very wise and compassionate.

Hello Amanda,
I am sorry to hear you are having troubles. I agree with the others that after 5 years you should have better communication. For instance you wrote: “He has Never offered me a Penny of assistance. I haven’t asked”.

The key part is ‘ you haven’t asked’. What if you just ask? What if he didn’t know that you wanted him to help you. What if he thought you were too proud and didn’t want him to step in.