Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › says he likes me, but can't date because we work together
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Blu.
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Megan
There’s this guy at work that I have been friends with for a long time. We hang out with friends after work and on weekends. His friends have told me he “Oh, you’re Megan! He speaks so highly of you…” He’ll offer me rides, take me to places I’ve mentioned I like and come to chat at my desk several times a day.Other coworkers have casually brought up our relationship and I correct them that we’re actually not together.
This weekend one of my friends asked his friend what was going on with the guy from work and myself. He told her that “he likes her and talks about her all the time, but doesn’t want to do anything since they work together.”
I think I know that this is just an excuse and he’s “just not that into me.” It’s clear that I like him and yet nothing happens. Is working together the real reason he doesn’t want to be something more, or an excuse not to hurt my feelings.
Anne
Megan, that’s not an excuse, that’s one intelligent man. Workplace romance blows up more often than not.
alia
I agree with Anne – he is an honorable man, a good coworker. Workplace romance is awkward at it’s best and a nightmare at it’s worst.
Khadija
I have to agree with the ladies.
At my job I’ve met some nice men and in one case I crossed that line.
In that case it was a hard lesson learned when things blew up and I had to see him for months on end afterwards.redcurleysue
It is not an excuse… it is a smart move not to date where you work.
Sin
Very smart move. Unless he is with the same company but works in a different office, dating a colleague is never a good idea because more often than not the relationship ends and it affects your work.
Miss_Aspiring
I disagree with all the commenters here. MANY successful relationships and marriages begin in the workplace. It’s a place where you spend most of your time, so of course you’ll form bonds with coworkers, and sometimes they lead to something romantic. We’re human – it happens. I know quite a few couples who initially met at work and are still together and happy, some after many years or decades.
I think he’s using it as an excuse. But either way, it sounds like he’s made up his mind and I’m not sure what you could do to change it. (Other than quitting the job and seeing if he pursues you then – not recommended)
A few questions to ask yourself: Are you REALLY into this guy, or are you just flattered that he pays so much attention to you? Which is likely to last longer: your current job or your interest in him? Do you work with him directly? (If things went badly, would you NEED to still talk to him on a regular basis, for work purposes? Or could you comfortably avoid each other and keep doing your jobs?)
This is tough. My advice is, at present, since he’s already decided not to “do anything,” keep your options open. Don’t pressure him or have “the talk.” Maybe if he sees you’re dating other guys, totally confident and happy, he’ll realize he needs to lock you down before losing the chance. If he still doesn’t act, hey, you’ll be dating other guys and totally confident and happy. WIN for you! Best of luck and hang in there!
Anne
Aspiring, there are exceptions to every rule. Have I seen workplace romance work out? Sure… 5-10% of the time. The rest of the time it backfires and it can be very uncomfortable and even a career interruption. Note all of the stories posted here about dating or sleeping with colleagues that end up badly. I still don’t think it’s an excuse. The guy is being intelligent and respectful. Until one of them leaves the company he’s playing it safe and I think that’s a good thing. The exceptions are if you are at a big company and work in different divisions. Getting involved with a boss or subordinate or immediate team member… playing with serious fire.
Gemini615
I agree with the other posters that workplace romances are a bad idea. There is a reason why companies even have policies against it, and from an HR standpoint, it can be a liability should the romance go wrong and someone feels slighted.
There are many posts on here where someone started dating/hooking up with their co-worker and I have yet to read one story where it worked out well.
Do not mix work and romance. Bad idea all around. There are plenty of other places to meet men.
Hannah
Well I’m married to a guy I met at work and we worked together for 10 years. We weren’t in the same department though so our working lives rarely crossed.
A close friend of mine is married to her ex boss. At the point when the relationship became very serious he left the company.
It can work if you’re mature, sensible adults and take into account you’ll still have to see each other every day if you split. Some people may not be comfortable with doing that though so it may not be an excuse.
Megan
Thanks everyone. The overall consensus is it’s not going to happen with him whether it’s an excuse or if it’s the smart thing to do. He cares, just clearly not enough. I’ll move on :(
DJ
I am currently in a similar situation. A guy that I work with and I hit it off and have been good friends for about 2 years. He ended things last week and said he couldn’t do this anymore because he wanted more, and it can’t work bc we work together. I am a mess bc I know there is a deep connection between us. He knows I am hurt and I expressed that. He told me he “completely understands why I am upset”. Since, he is pretty much ghosting me but views all of my social media. I am confused bc we truly have a connection but bc of work he said he can’t. He also seems to be drinking to cope from the looks of his social media. I feel like I lost a good friend that has pursued more for a long time and I’m broken bc I fell for him. It just felt right. Advice?
Also, we don’t work in the same depts.
I am trying to do “no contact”. Just hurts.Blu
Are you sure that’s the real reason? What is your human resource policy about dating co workers? If you don’t work in the same department and he isn’t your boss or superior, why would it be an issue?
If this man really wanted to be wi5 you he would figure out a way to do it. Might even mean one of you changing jobs. The fact he hasn’t looked at options and is shutting this down sounds like he is using this as an excuse.
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