Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › second date tomorrow – he hasn't confirmed – how long should i wait?
- This topic has 14 replies and was last updated 8 years, 8 months ago by
Cindy.
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carolina
So…second date set for tomorrow. We spoke about going for a walk/coffee/etc during the daytime on sunday (tomorrow). I last texted him this morning suggesting if meeting midday tomorrow was ok. It’s now early evening, and no response from him yet.
How long would you wait for his confirmation before giving him the flick? And would you mention it bothers you when you next saw him?
He seems like a decent guy, but probably a bit clueless. He has been slow to respond before. I ditched him once before already, when he didn’t get back to me to confirm a time until a few hours before the date. He was apologetic, his excuse was that he’d got home in the morning and had been asleep all day. He then asked me on a date again another time.
He does seem like a lovely guy that I would give a chance to get to know, but his laziness with responding is already bothering me. What to do?
Ginger
If he can’t get it together enough for the first few dates to at least impress you, it isn’t going to get any better.
peggy
Hi Carolina-I would just leave it and see what happens. Go ahead and make other plans -then if he does contact you, you can say that since you did not hear from him you assumed he was busy and made other plans. I think you answered your own question when you said he has a pattern of being lazy/half-hearted. My ex husband was like this when we began dating. It never got better-I was always he initiator/planner etc. Bottom line was he was not as invested and I eventually left him. So…take what you will from that but do not text/ask him again. See if he steps up. If he is a good guy and really interested you will soon know.
6StringedMedicine
Agree with peggy here. Keep a fixed time of 5. If he does not respond by then, I would suggest make other plans or if he does reply much later, let him know you thought he was busy so you decided to make other plans. Don’t hold it against him though but your time is valuable and he should realize that.
Maria
You two had the same situation once already. He knows he is supposed to reply. Don’t even bother with this guy, he is not “lovely”, he just didn’t spoil your time with other things yet. Lovely guys don’t ignore your messages, especially if it is related to mutual pre-agreed plans.
Rose
His laziness is not going to change. If it’s already bothering you I think you should let him go.
Em
Carolina
“And would you mention it bothers you when you next saw him?”
Date, time, location….these are simple details! An interested man will lock them down because he knows your company is valuable. He knows you are not going to drop your life at his pleasure. He knows that a first impression counts, and that if he half-asses in the beginning, you are out. Like Ginger said if he has to be reminded of that he is probably not interested. And there is no point schooling someone who don’t care about what you think.
I would plan a grand ole time tomorrow catching up with someone else instead.
If he contacts you to cancel then let him be…he is not interested if he misses two chances and delays a confirmation.
If he contacted me to meet up, I would say something like:
– I appreciate your invite;
– But I made other plans because I didn’t get a confirmation from you, so I assumed you weren’t interested.carolina
thanks everyone. looks like this one is getting the boot. it’s not good enough.
i’m losing faith!
first theres the one who i have amazing chemistry with, is super invested and makes every effort to see me. two months down the line right up to an amazing last date, and he suddenly freaks out and vanishes.next up, the one who expresses how great the first date was (even though i’m taking it slow) and wants a second one. then doesn’t get his act together.
then. the majority of guys on tinder, you get matched up and none bother to talk to you.
i’m trying to remain positive, playful, high value, getting on with my own things, but, it’s really not happening.
Amy
I would brush this guy off if I were you. He’s either clueless or lazy and neither is good. Even if he contacts you with some excuse that sounds good, this isn’t normal. Adult men take the lead in making and confirming the plans.
Shannon
I’m seeing a guy right now that isn’t a confirmer. He’ll make a date and since the date has been made, it’s written in stone in his head. I’ve actually come to like that about him, because he’s so steady and reliable there is no guessing whatsoever. If he says “Let’s go out to dinner on Friday,” on Monday, I don’t have to check in with him to make sure the date still stands, because I know we’re going out to dinner. It’s old fashioned and the way things used to be, and I like that.
Your guy? You’re just going to have to wait it out. And be aware he may be the same way as my guy. He may think that the date has been made so no need to check in.
carolina
thanks shannon…that’s an interesting perspective.
I’m just mostly annoyed because he hasn’t confirmed the time. we know we were suppose to meet in the daytime, because he knows i have other plans in the evening. i’ll wait it out – by tomorrow i’m sure i will find out the exact level of shadiness.Shannon
Well, I grew up in the eighties and early nineties (I’m 41) and this having to be in constant contact is a relatively recent phenomenon. Back when I first started dating, if you made a date for the next weekend, that date was taking place. And when people made dates they made them with the understanding that it was taking place unless they contacted you to say otherwise. I really miss that. Because now it’s like, you have the anxiety “is he going to ask me out or not,” and then when he does it’s like “yay!” and then if there is crickets afterwards for a few days the anxiety starts all over again about whether or not the date will materialize because he’s not confirming. It’s just a lot more stressful and people just seem to have gotten way flakier.
carolina
ok, so he texted back, it’s 11pm. he apologised and said he’d been out with his parents. i suspect it was his birthday today – when i checked in on his profile his age had changed.
so, i’m not overly impressed, but i’m going to give him a chance. the question is, should i say something about it tomorrow?
kara
it’s okay to feel discouraged. the thing w/ dating, nothing is guaranteed. especially after using these apps, there was a point when i wanted to just give up and be totally single and not dating one bit forever. however, keep going with it. don’t get desperate and if it happens, it happens. however, with this guy, i’d say don’t even bother as he doesn’t seem to urgent in locking you down and seeing you for a date. it’s not worth it, and move onto the next. most likely, he won’t be super serious either. so do yourself a favor and move on out of there.
Cindy
I don’t think you should mention it. It’s just going to come across as demanding and needy. I think you can keep him accountable in other ways.
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