Seems We Have Solved Dating Problems…

Hi Raven… I love your name and your no nonsense approach to answering people.

I found this forum a few years ago after being cheated on. Venting and expressing my emotions here helped me cope with the loss of the relationship. So far I haven’t had much of an issue with the guy I’m currently seeing but both of us are keeping it casual since it is long distance. It works for both of us for now.

I’d love to know about the others as well!

Where is everyone from?

I’m in the Greater Seattle area

Hey raven and kathy! Gaia! Nice to hear. Am from indian descent though presntly residing in nj..

Raven, I’d never have pegged you as living in the PNW, you’re so concise and direct lol! And I love the subject for the thread.

I posted here a zillion years ago when I was desperately upset and looking for answers. I was in a long term relationship with an emotionally unavailable guy who kept switching us on and off, and I got very helpful comments! A zillion years later after I got my own stuff together and stopped dating on repeat, I stumbled on a link back to it. Thought I could pay it forward now that I learned from my experiences of dating every kind of time waster, figured out why I was doing that, and took the responsibility to stop choosing and sticking with those partners. There’s a lot of bad dating advice out there to play games and stick with incompatible partners in power struggles that doesn’t fix anything for anyone, so I see it as it’s good that better information sources exist somewhere!

I found this site when I started dating again about 5 or 6 (maybe 7?) years ago, and boy was I out of practice! This forum and the articles on this site gave me good advice, and I applied advice that seemed applicable to my life, even if the advice was for someone else. It’s blunt and straightforward, and as long as someone doesn’t take it too personally and come form an open perspective, it can be very helpful.

I found my guy and we were married a few months ago, and I STILL use some of the relationship advice when perusing and commenting myself. Great site, great forum.

@Kash, how are your studies going?

I’m glad you’re here & for the diversity you bring!

Raven, tbh my studies are going sh*t. I am still not over the guy and no matter what I do i am only missing him more and more, he just doesn’t seem to be leaving my head or heart at all. It has affected every part of my life and i have become a total loser. I never thought it was possible to miss someone to this extent that it makes you wanna consider death as an alternative. I am trying to cope but all my coping mechanisms have failed. No therapy or anything is able to help me. I just want him and nothing changes that. I have totally lost it.

Didn’t want to put my depressing post under this happy title but i wanted to be honest.

Hey Raven!
Good to see you are still around. My real name is Khadija at time I couldn’t think of a screen name so I went with my real name.

I found this forum after a guy I was dating ghosted me without any signs or warnings. At the time it really threw me but, I look back on it and it was all for the best. This forum really helped me make better choices about dating. I got married 2 years ago and I have a 1 year old daughter.

Hi Ewa, Yay, more diversity… I’m glad you’re here!

I am also from the same area Raven!

And I agree with Raven, Kash, please go see your doc asap or go to an ER or urgent care if you think you might do something today, or tomorrow. Sometimes medication can help start you on a path to a better perspective — you don’t have to take it forever but if you’re trying to overcome your grief on your own, the task can feel daunting.

If you are in the US, you can call 988 if you are worried about yourself, and you can to talk to someone immediately.

Another slow week… Any recipes to share?

Hi Raven !

I haven’t been around in awhile, it was so lovely to see your post :)

I’m still seeing my girlfriend but I realized recently that in order to have the relationship i had to drop any expectations in order for it to work, follow through, emotional support, events etc. Having zero expectations and seeing one another once a week or even once a fortnight after 19 months of dating makes this a casual situation for me. She has finally stopped promising to spend extra time with me on her free weeks at my request as she always cancelled. She never has been able to stay with me for more than 2 nights without running home or picking a massive fight to create distance.

we will have a great time when we do see one another, things will be amazing, feeling connected, bonded and then the feeling that finally we are on solid ground. Then a day or two later she will start picking fights over text or phone or skype. Telling, me we don’t work, that I don’t care, taking what I said and turning it into a negative about her. Rinse and repeat.

While we are not working and I’m still staying, I’m working on why I’m choosing similar people to have a relationship with. I have learnt about the Karpman drama triangle.
I’m trying to stop playing a role in this. I seem to favour playing the Rescuer. This is my relationship pattern. I don’t plan on dating at all once we part ways. I have done a lot of work trying to make this work but I don’t feel it will end up with a happy ending sadly :(

It’s so good to see the old regulars and their updates !