Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Send a thank you text after date?
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 6 years, 10 months ago by
Sheree.
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Ashley
Hi everyone,
I recently started online dating and went on a lunch date earlier today with a guy that I met on there. The date lasted about two hours and we joked and seemed to hit it off. At the end I thanked him for paying for lunch, that I had enjoyed meeting him and told him that we needed to do this again sometime. He said “Yeah we should” while nodding his head. My question is should I send him a thank you text and tell him that I enjoyed meeting him or just leave things the way there are and see if I hear from him? If I do send the text when should I send it? Thanks everyone!
Amanda
We had a long discussion about this last week. Almost everyone agrees it is a huge turn off to send a thank you text. You already thanked him after the date. A thank you text is hinting for him to ask you out again. So no, do not send one and wait for him to contact you. Besides, you already came on to him by you suggesting that you guys should do it again. That is his job. If he does contact you again it will be a while, since he already knows you wills ay yes.
Peggy
Ashley,Amanda is right! A dating coach has actually done a survey on this and guys don’t like it-they may even have been going to ask you out again,but get turned off by what they see as pushy! One of the guys quoted said what he thinks about the thank-you text “Whoa,cancel your subscription to Bride magazine honey!” So, NO NO NO
Abbie
Unfortunately this does go to show how arrogant men are. They think every woman they meet are dying to marry them! All the more reason to let him do ALL the pursuing. Anything a woman does that isn’t passive is seen as desperation to tie him down.
Emma
I’d be turned off too if I were a man. At least pretend there is a chase, he has to win you over, there is gotta be some uncertainly for him, do you like him or not. But you came on to him by suggesting another date, so he knows you are available and interested, no need for him to work or try. If he does take a week or two to contact you, you’d know why. Because he knows he has you already.
Is it me or do women are losing their female instincts at the same rate men are losing their balls? LOL
Imagine your grandma!! Dressing up, putting on makeup, going on a date with a fella and then calling him next day (aka texting) to say “thank you”..!! She’d probably bite your head off at the mere suggestion. LOL
Men are men, the harder it is for them to get you the more they value you. If there is no interest on his part then it won’t matter what you do, but you can certainly turn OFF his interest by being eager, easy and too available.
Rule #1: Never send a thank you text to a man the day after. After anything. Specifically under no circumstances after sex.
Rule #2: Do not chase a guy by initiating contact with him after a date. Until he has initiated contact with you 2-3 times first and also invited you on another date. Both need to happen. Texting and sending something funny, FM messaging, snapchatting – all this is initiating contact. It is flattering to men but your value in his eyes drops.
Ana
There’s kind of two questions here. One, should you say thank you? And two, should you send a text at all?
On the first, saying “thank you,” don’t overdo the thank you’s. A good date should be about both people having a good time, so what is really being thanked? Especially if it is in text form, it comes across as….needy? (if that’s the word). Like the subtext can be something like “thank you for rescuing me from a boring night. Please do it again?” This isn’t to say you should never say thank you, but better in person, either at the end of the date or after he does something to be thanked for (“thanks for dinner. It was delicious”). Texting can be an option if you forget to say thanks or he did something really special (still maybe not on the first date, but I don’t see it as a deal breaker if it’s appropriate [but question if it is and not just a filler of something to say]).
Generally, don’t text first after a first date. If for no other reason that it gives you a chance to see where he stands because if he is interested, he WILL contact you.
Lane
If you’ve already thanked him then why thank him again?
The reason you want to reach out and text is so he doesn’t forget you exist and will ask you out again. Men aren’t stupid and know exactly the reason a woman texts after a date and yes it can turn them off pretty quickly if they haven’t formed an opinion about you yet.
You are strangers, know virtually nothing about each other and its best to treat him no differently than every stranger you meet on the street, at the store, at work, etc. What if a male customer you just met texted you “thank you for ringing up my sales” after he thanked you before he left? How would that text come off to you? Same concept.
Cat
I have always thanked guys after a date the next day via text. I’ve never had a guy say it was clingy or needy. They always say “thanks, I had a great time too”. It truly depends on the guy. An ex I dated for two and a half years told me he didn’t think I was going to go out with him again. So I’m sure my texting to say thanks gave him reassurance and well I obviously ended up dating him for a while.
If a man gets turned off by you saying thanks than consider yourself lucky that he took himself out of the picture.
Ali
I think I was the first person to text my partner after our first date== 4 years later all is great! It won’t turn the right guy off, I don’t think.
That being said, conventional wisdom is to let him text you first. No harm in that, probably decent advice. But if he really really likes you he’s not going to stop liking you because you sent a gracious, simple thank you.
Now, start blowing up his phone like crazy and getting ahead of yourself, sure, that could be a problem.
Sheree
I asked my BF and he said if it was a simple thank you, it wouldn’t be a turn-off, especially if he liked the girl. It would show she has good manners, although if she already said thank you at the end of the date it wouldn’t be necessary. But if it were more, something actually suggesting another date, or if he didn’t really like her it would be slightly uncomfortable.
I think that we have to realize that good manners in general and first date manners are two different things. Thank him in person and let it be. He will be in touch if he wants to see you again. He won’t think you are a horrible person if you don’t text thank you because he bought dinner.
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