Sending a letter to your ex?

Annie, what would a letter to your ex do ? first of all you wouldn’t even know if he got it, secondly he wouldn’t reply.

when a man breaks up with you , do nothing, don’t lower yourself by telling him how angry or upset you are . I know you think it will bring you closure, but your closure is that this man no longer wants you full stop.

another reason why you shouldn’t reach out – he broke up with by text! any person who does that man or a woman, doesn’t deserve a minute of your attention.

give yourself a time to process the trauma , this is not for weak people, but believe in yourself and show him you’re better and that you deserve better.

I can feel how hurt you are right now. It’s just horrible. Would you really feel better if he met you and told you in person? Sounds like he didn’t ghost, but sent a text to you explaining ? Men can detach when they end it with someone. They can feel cold and not who you thought you knew. This isn’t because they don’t care anymore, it’s the only way they can manage it. I’ve had this happen to me when a man has gone cold when he ended it. We then got back together again and his coldness has gone. I read around it at the time, and it’s definitely something men do to cope with the split. No way will he not be feeling or thinking about this ending or you, irrespective of how he’s acted.

Don’t assume what you’re seeing is what’s going on for him. It rarely is. Yes you deserved more. And no it isn’t fair, and very upsetting.

You know what…I’ve done it both ways. I’ve done the not going to let him see me cry, stoic no contact after a break up (or ghosting). And I’ve done the calling them out for being a coward by breaking up over text etc. And neither will make you feel any better. While you may get some instant gratification by calling him a jerk, a coward, etc. it’s short lived and then I feel bad because it’s not who I am. But then if I do the never speak to them again or give them the satisfaction of knowing they hurt me, I feel like I’m holding all this anger and resentment inside and not being true to how I really feel.

In your case since it’s only been a couple months of a relationship, I would write the letter and burn it in order to release it and get it off my chest. If you really want to send him a scathing text then I’m sure you could go look at your phone records and find his number. It’s not that hard.

But in the end it’s not going to change anything. Regardless of how it happened, it’s a breakup and you have to work to get your own closure. It’s only been a week so you are going to go through periods of anger and sadness. But don’t wallow in them. When a person breaks up with me over text and disrespects me in that way, it says more about who they are than who I am. I’m not going to let one man’s opinion or treatment of me impact my self worth or who I am. I know I’m a catch, any man would be lucky to have me and he’s a fool for not seeing it and letting me go. Then I straighten my crown and move on!!!

I’ve witnessed a similar situation to Maya’s but worse. The letter received by an ex-boyfriend ended up hung on the toilet door, so that every housemate, every guest could see while they’re pissing and have a good laugh. They turned it into a “great” joke for months, it was the main joke of all parties they would have at that house. I’m sure you don’t want something like this to happen. But I understand how angry you are, I would be too. The best revenge is to live a great life and be your best self and try to give as little thought to the classless jerk as possible.

Wow! Thank y’all so much for all these replies I really appreciate it. I know you are all right by saying nothing will help and I know I have to get closure really from myself than from him. It just sucks when people treat you the exact opposite of how they say they feel about you, but oh well.

anderson – no I haven’t written it yet ! I’m thinking once I write it I will feel better and not even have the slightest inkling of a want to send it

I actually think the letter (writing not sending) is a valid idea if the breakup is fresh. And even more so if OP hasn’t had the chance to talk to anyone about the breakup to process it or flush it out of her system.