Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Sending very confusing signals
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 4 years, 2 months ago by
Elvira.
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Jane
Have been talking to this guy for a year, as friends. I work with a family member of his so I’ve been hesitant to really push things forward. We’ve both dated other people during this time, but he always kind of popped up in my world.
Anyway, he came on strong a few months ago and I suggested we meet. We hung out, made out, it felt great, awesome chemistry…At least on my end, and it seemed like it on his end as well. About 5 days after the date, he randomly wrote to me that he wasn’t feeling ready for a relationship and didn’t think it was fair to leave me hanging (which he had been texting me pretty regularly before that so that felt weird, I also hadn’t mentioned anything about wanting a relationship so there’s that note as well) and said we should continue on the friend path. I just responded that I understood and wished him the best of luck.
Since then, he keeps sending selfies, liking my stuff, telling me how cute and pretty I am…which would be nice…BUT if he wrote me off after the first date, why is he doing this?
I liked him and still do. I know he suffers from anxiety and am curious if that played into anything at all or if he’s just a player. Is there a way to talk about this with him without coming off aggressive or needy? Any input would be great.
T from NY
I will tell you very clearly what it is happening. He values your friendship and likes you as a person – but is either not interested in a relationship right now in his life, or KNOWS he’s not interested in a relationship with YOU. But that doesn’t stop him from being physically attracted to you, a dude, and that’s why he continues to flirt. In manspeak – those selfies and compliments are him putting feelers out to see if you might be DTF (willing to have sex) even though he’s ALREADY told you how he feels. He’s been honest and upfront.
Either accept the flirting and don’t let yourself get carried away if y’all are ever alone or drinking, or stop responding or flirting al together if you feel you couldn’t stop yourself and end up getting hurt. End of the day – he’s told you how he feels. Believe him. Most men are simple creatures.
Jane (OP)
Why do guys do this? (I’m sure girls are just as guilty) but I just seem to be running into this sort of situation more and more. I don’t know if it’s something I’m doing or what, but is this just a thing that becoming more and more common?
Raven
They do this because ‘we’ allow them to…
Elvira
Jane, you say you knew this guy for a year as friends and you asked him to hang out. It seems you did most of the initiating, even though he came on strong he didn’t initiate a meet or anything to indicate he was interested in something more.
A person can feel an attraction to someone but just not want anything else. I think that is the case in this situation. If you want to know why men do this its simply a mild case of simple flirting. I would suggest you work on building your confidence level an understand that because someone throws a compliment at you it can be taken with no expectation behind it. When a guy is interested in taking things to another level you will know…he will ask you out on a date and want to get to you know better. I would not give this guy a talk he has told you how he feels just take it and move on. -
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