Sex and dating multiple men until a commitment is made

I think if depends on your definition of dating. I define dating as going out on dates (not staying at home) and getting to know someone. You can do that with multiple people without any harm because there’s no commitment and you don’t even know if you both like each other yet.

After a few dates, I’ll generally have talked about what the man and I want from each other. I won’t have sex with someone if they’re having sex with others and I don’t have sex with multiple people. Until exclusivity is agreed, sex isn’t on the table so it’s not really an issue for me and regular dating.

I’m pretty fussy about who I spend my time with, so I only date guys I really like. If more than one comes along at the same time, I date them for a few weeks, work out which one I like the most (if either) and establish a relationship with them.

I couldn’t just date for the sake of dating. Men are great and everything, but if I’m not feeling it with a guy, I’d rather spend time with my friends!

Raven you’re very right! I hadn’t picked up on that comment.

On my first date with my husband, I had to tell him I’d been sleeping with one of his friends. Little bit awkward but it didn’t put him off!

It’s not that hard, you only give time to the man you initiates and pursues you the most…whether that’s guy #4 or #10. You’ll start to remember who they are if they make it that far, if not don’t respond until you know who they are, this way it makes it a little easier to avoid the ones that only want sex vs the ones seeking what something mores serious.

Dating can be annoying yet fun, it’s fun when you meet fun cool people with no agenda. Be subtle with who you are and your actions with other men, what is the rush? The ones who want only sex will disappear if you give your time and attention to the ones who want you. Also it also helps when you date closer to you too.

You do what YOU want to do. The heck with what other people say you should do. Personally, I am not comfortable having sex with multiple people or even dating multiple people. I only date one guy at a time. If I’ve gotten past the second date with a guy with plans for a third, I don’t date anyone else. If that has worked for other people, that’s great for them. It’s not for me. The right partner is compatible with YOU. Not with your friend that juggles fifteen guys at once. I have decided personally that if a guy wants to have sex with me and continue seeing other women, then it’s over. No more, what I should do, or what my expectations SHOULD be, this is how I am, this is how I feel, and this is what my expectations are and they don’t have to be the same as everyone else’s.

I don’t know how people can sleep with multiple partners and have normal relationships, I can understand when it happens once or twice, but on a regular basis? how can you form a genuine connection this way? Dating multiple people as in meeting for coffee, dinners and other activities is ok but most people I know stop doing it once they meet someone they feel excited about it.

I think precisely because both camps are “shopping” around it becomes so hard to find a partner for everyone. It is very difficult to form good relationship this way. The other party will feel that you are not 100% there, so they will start doing the same, and off it goes round and round.

I think a good and safe solution to this “trap” is not to have sex until you’ve found a partner you want to date in the long term. And then hope things work out.

“Men do this all the time and they don’t worry about it”. I hate it when we use those with bad behavior as a benchmark on how we should behave. Men “who do this all the time” are men who do not care about any of the women beyond the moment. These men are NOT an example that women should try to emulate because they feel the need to be equal. All this does is create universal outcomes that are equally bad and destructive for all concerned including those not yet born as well.

I am shocked that so many American women date multiple guys at once and they don’t even tell them. As a man I will never do that to anyone it is very disrespectful. If you are seeing multiple guys at once than at least tell your date about that it would be fair so he knows with who is he dealing (girl that dates multiple men) . If your date is okay with that than it is fine. I don’t support this type of dating behavior not my thing . American girls are not really my thing on so many perspectives. I am European living in USA for 17 years always been single never found girlfriend in USA still trying to deal with a female mentality I can’t understand. Dating multiple people at once I don’t find natural , I don’t find ethical. If girl is seeing other people besides me that means she is not interested in me at all, I will dump her. I am tired of listening phrase “guys are doing it too well I am not one of those guys” Not all men are like that.

I really think this just depends on YOUR boundaries and where YOU draw the line. Also, your preferences should ultimately be factored here.

I’ve done the whole multi-dating thing, sleeping with guys before exclusivity, waiting for committmment, the whole 9 yards.
I’ve ultimately found THIS works for me, and what I’ve ultimately learned:

I like to spend time with guys who I really like, and really do a see a potential. So anything lukewarm, or any disinterest, I don’t waste my time. I’d rather spend time with family, friends, and doing things I enjoy doing. Men are great, but I will only put aside time for men I do actually like (and, on a scale of 10 – I have to like them at least a 6 or 7 the first time). If not, it generally fizzles out overtime.

I also learned it is SOO much less complicated to DATE multiple men, but NOT sleep with them. And dating multiple men with whom you REALLY like (6-8 out of 10 in terms of potential, or attraction), to make it worthwhile to me. Otherwise, based on my own experiences, this susses out men who really just wanted you for the sex/fun times. And this is a good amount of men out there — I really find no need to sleep w/ any of them, until they’ve proven to me through actions and consistency, that they do want to get to know me more. You’d be surprised at how many men you weed out just by doing that. dAting until exclusivity (including sex). For me, it COMPLETELY minimizes confusion AND stress. Does it take a bit longer to find someone in this regard? Yes. Because for women, we equate sex to feelings of real love and attraction. But I think about all the times I’ve slept with men way earlier than I should’ve and it all could’ve been solved by waiting to see if the man showed his potential. I stick hard to fast to these rules.

1. Date mutliple men, but not sleep with them.
2. Agree to date men who are about 6-8 out of 10 on your attraction/level of potential list. Any lukewarm/red flags/ weird intuition feelings – not worht it, move on…especially if you’re doing online dating.
3. Date until exclusivity, and this includes sex. While this seems old-fashioned and just off, I think about all the times I’ve literally wasted my time sleeping with men who never really had exclusivity or monogamy on their minds. So, it was in my best interest to suss this out in the first place anyway.

Just my personal experience, and it’s worked very well for me thus far. Lower stress levels, and you really see men who they really are. Nothing clouding your judgment.

If you don’t date multiple men these days, it will take you forever. My idea of dating doesn’t include sex. It also doesn’t include constant pointless texting/emotional support. It’s going out, getting to know someone and having fun together, seeing if you want to move forward.

Not having sex immediately is helpful to weed out players and time wasters who are loathe to let go of easy sex. Players who don’t get laid go away quickly.If you give them sex, they put you in their string, and you end up wasting your time. If you want sex, realize that it doesn’t make a man fall in love, but it will make a disinterested in a relationship man stick around.

I don’t tell guys I date others unless they ask. I always assume the men are dating multiple women. Especially online.

I think a lot of people make the mistake of WAY too much texting before meeting that builds false hope/expectations. I would not commit to a man I had never met, or be exclusive with them. I give guys a week to make plans to meet unless they are traveling or something comes up.

I do always make sure to offer to pick up my half of the tab, and when it’s left up to me, I pick inexpensive dates so I’m not asking the guy to invest a lot of money. I think it’s unfair to be dating 10 guys and ask guys to constantly take you out on $100 a head dates.

“I am shocked that so many American women date multiple guys at once and they don’t even tell them. As a man I will never do that to anyone it is very disrespectful.”

Because this is what MEN do. They go on dates with multiple women and you gradually find one you better connect with. Only focusing on one man is not efficient and leads to the clingy behavior that men hate.

Not for nothing, but MEN built this system and women are catching on that it can indeed work for them. The funny thing is that for women that enjoy sex and are open minded, and not really bent on getting a relationship, it ends up being a WHOLE LOT OF FUN! And when more women catch on to that, men gonna need to step up their game.

When I meet a potbellied 40 something with a negative attitude not “looking for anything serious”, I pass because there is a 29 year old with abs and a great attitude looking for the exact same thing. For women looking for relationships on a time frame, this whole environment does stink now. But to all the other women, enjoy it, have fun, date, have sex if you want it.

Anon… lol, totally.

Ever since I abandoned “dating for a relationship” and dating men appropriate to my 45 year old age, dating has been so much more fun. I honestly like men more now. Last week I went on a date with a very fun 29 year old, and I’m still smiling. He was happy, exciting, interesting, great in bed, willing to spend time, no complaining about ex’s, no baggage. Great energy. Not at all looking for a relationship. But it was a fun evening, and we’ve kept in touch with zero expectations.

I had another date with a 33 year old latino man. He was great, told me I was beautiful, said lots of romantic things. They are probably all lies. But who cares. We are going dancing. It’s fun, I feel desirable and valued.

So yeah, tell me again why I should give a second of my time to the bitter old men trying to get laid while making it clear that they don’t want relationships or to commit to just one? Their pick up line is literally “I have a job, am stressed out and my ex wife is a fat horrible woman, so don’t expect anything from me”.