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Anderson.
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somethingNew
I’ve been divorced for about 5 years. Met a woman and we’ve been dating for a little over a year. We are in love and talking about marriage. But…I was made aware of something that has bothered me and I am conflicted as to how I should handle this. A week ago I was updating her phone and there was a text thread between her and another guy that took place at about 2 in the morning. We do not live together (she has young kids) and I was at my home. She called me a jerk to him. There were no pictures exchanged but it was a long back and forth about sexual acts with each other – very descriptive and lurid- like I was reading a text from a porn (I don’t think I can even say what it was on this forum.) I was mortified. Needless to say I lost my sh&* and confronted her.
We had gotten into a little argument the night that she texted him and that was the start of the discussion. She told me that she had some wine and taken Tylenol PM and didn’t even remember doing it. I don’t believe that she doesn’t remember the texting because it was very detailed and lucid. This guy lives in another state. They were friends when he lived here as far as I know and they never had a relationship. I ended the relationship right then. However, she texted him later and apologized to him that she made a mistake, etc. She sent me screenshots as proof I guess. She continued to reach out to me, apologizing profusely and asking for me to forgive her and get back together. After I cooled off, we talked and we got back together (love is forgiving I guess)
My problem is that I cannot get passed it. I don’t trust her. I believe that she lied to me because I called her out on it. When I’m with her I just keep thinking about it. Why would she do this? Why him? That sort of thing – and of course the actual content of the texts. I’m just not sure if I can get passed it. Was I fool to even get back with her? Should I just walk away? Totally confused.
Tallspicy
Many issues here:
A. She cheated and described sex
B. She got irritated at you and looked to someone for attention
C. Tylenol pm does not make you so out of it and if it did, no excuse.She deserved to be dumped. If you want to forgive her, then do, but you were in the right.
Ss
I don’t blame you for not trusting her. It is horrible behaviour and is a form of cheating. Is this how she deals with arguments? Sexting other men?? Very immature and very disrespectful to you.
I guess you need to make a choice, work on getting the trust back which will mean her really acknowledging she was out of order and demonstrating you can trust her or breaking up.
Its really hard to regain trust when a partner cheats and you may never really move on from it. Only you can decide if being with her is worth the feelings invoked when you think back on what she did. Personally i could not forgive it or get over it as it would be in the back of my mind all the time, especially the next time you argue
Kelly
Hi,
I know exactly what your going through I have been there myself and I tried to forgive and move on but I couldn’t every argument I kept bringing it up and I kept questioning everything he did and everytime he had his phone in his hand I’d feel a feeling of dread u dont get over it. The fact that they broke your trust and could do something like that and lie to you ruins everything you cant get it back. When I was having issues with my man he went and messaged another woman and she sent me them messages along with the message he will always lie to me and I’m a mug if I stay with him. I loved him and I stayed but I couldn’t forget but it the end it’s done anyway because they already ruined it. I think it’s time to find someone who will love you the way you deserve. They had their chance and they ruined what could have been good because they cant be loyal. You need to move on. It’s hard I’m going through it now but we have to do it for us.
Anderson
I’ve been in your shoes where I was thinking about “the other guy” being with a significant being, after emotionally cheated on. It’s an awful feeling and shreds your self-esteem the longer you stay. I didn’t get past it. I was confused and conflicted when I was going through it too, cycling through various emotions sometimes. Perhaps I was just too emotionally clouded back then to listen to my own self, but in hindsight it’s clear how deafening the signs were that I was done: I stopped leading the relationship, planning for the future, a few times asked for proofs I’d never wanted nor asked before, snooped her phone behind her back, stopped taking pictures of us, suddenly started crushing on other girls etc.
I don’t believe it’s foolish to forgive a person. But details and context matter. As well as the nature of the mistake and whether someone accepts responsibility. There are (assumably) people out there who forgive others for even physically cheating on them, and it works for them, which means there’s no universal rule on whether you should forgive her or not. I personally could not forgive someone like her, even if I wanted to. I understood why she did it. I understood she was genuinely sorry. I think my mind forgave her too. My heart just never felt the same again, and the heart wants what it wants.
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