Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Sexually Dysfunctional Partner
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Sophia.
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Amy
So I am dating someone older than me but they are in their prime. This is the best relationship I have ever been in. We hardly argue, we have the same morals and values, and we just can’t seem to get enough of each other. He has some underlining trauma from a past relationship due to his lifetime sexual dysfunction of not being able to get aroused easily. Tonight, we tried to get intimate in bed but didn’t go as planned. He said he wanted me to be more “subtle”, which I’m not sure what that means. I try other things to turn him on like dirty talking, being more assertive, etc. but none of it seems to work. He didn’t want to tell me upright what really turns him on for he doesn’t know exactly either. I’m just confused and need advice on how to be more “subtle” in wanting to “get it on”.
P.S.
I am in my 20s and my partner is in their 40s.relaxy taxi
“Tonight, we tried to get intimate in bed but didn’t go as planned. He said he wanted me to be more “subtle”, which I’m not sure what that means.”
I think it means to be less sexually aggressive during sex.
Raven
It means he really doesn’t want to take responsibility for his ED & he’s trying to blame You…
Has he seen a Dr.?
Does he take any ‘viagra’ type of medication?Trauma from previous relationships?
kaye
“his lifetime sexual dysfunction of not being able to get aroused easily.”
This has been going on in his life WAY before he ever met you. I have the same questions as Raven, what has HE done to solve this issue? Counseling? Medication?
And I’m sorry to say if he has this issue with you early in the relationship it’s going to be something you have to deal with the entire time and will likely get worse. It will probably end up hurting your self esteem and ego since he seems to be blaming this on you for maybe being too sexually aggressive as relaxy taxi point out.
I mean he’s already in his 40s and sexually dysfunctional. How does that pair up with your desire to have kids in the future? Have you thought about that?
Chester
If I had that sort of problem I would be most reluctant to talk about. Men are extremely sensitive to that sort of thing. Problems of that nature are beyond horrifying to men. Their sense of self worth,self identity gets very severely undermined. Now you might reply ‘ok I get what you are saying Chester but great embarrassment shouldn’t stop any man going to the doctor and getting a prescription for Viagra’. If you think that then you have missed the point. Most men under 60 with this problem don’t want an artificial,pharmacologically induced erection. It just seems false and unmanly. It would just seem wrong on so many levels. As false as the person who needs a couple of drinks to do anything remotely scary.
I advise the OP to get him to speak to a woman doctor as I would be more comfortable discussing such a problem with a woman than a man.Kathy
Not much to look forward to here..
You are younger and can do much better!!
Lane
I’m going to be very blunt with you—if a 20 year old can’t get him aroused then there is something medically going on with him. I’ve never ever once heard a man suffering from “relationship trauma” that had anything to do with a man’s Johnson not getting hard or staying soft.
I would assume “subtle” means the OPPOSITE of what you’re doing? If he can’t tell you then maybe talk him into seeing a doctor and possibly getting the blue pill (aka ‘viagra’) to see if that’s the “subtle” way he needs to become aroused?
Sophia
I’m not sure exactly what subtle is, but I’m pretty sure it’s not talking dirty.
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