Home › Forums › Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? › Shall I shoot my shot?
- This topic has 10 replies and was last updated 1 year, 6 months ago by
Liz Lemon.
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confused.com
I met this guy twice through a group of friends. We met earlier in the year and then a month ago.
Both times we spoke and he seemed really nice and friendly. Both times he gave me his drink to try. The second time we sat near each other and he offered to swap seats with me because mine was uncomfortable. We talked a lot individually and as a group.
When we were heading back we walked together to the station and one point we were standing really close and we locked eyes. It felt flirty. He was acting silly and jokey and asked me if I liked if guys were more direct or subtle. I was just laughing and said subtle. We hugged twice when we said bye.
We all swapped social media as a group so we have each other on Instagram.
A few days after I asked him out for a group get together and he said yes and joked with me, I joked back and that was that.
A few weeks later he wished me happy birthday and I thanked him.
When my friend made a group chat for the event he said he wasn’t sure if he would still come, it looks like the group plan isn’t happening now anyway.
Recently I liked his photo and he reacted to my post. But this is as far as our interactions go.
Shall I try and start a conversation with him? I really like him but don’t want to come off too strong especially as we’ve only met twice.
Emily
I don’t think there’s a right or wrong here. It depends on what your personality. If you prefer men who take the lead, I wouldn’t do anything further. If you like being in control, I would stop beating around the bush and ask the guy out.
If you want him to take the lead and are hoping to nudge him into further action, I would do nothing because masculine men don’t need to be nudged.
Emily
*depends on your personality, not “depends on what your personality.”
confused.com
So I guess my predicament is that some people I’ve talked to have said that I haven’t shown him enough interest and that I might be coming across as just friendly vibes.
I’d like to make it slightly more obvious that I like him so I was hoping to find an opening to start a conversation with him.
Raven
Maybe he’s being subtle, You said you liked subtle guys…
Liz Lemon
If you were friendly and responsive to him when you interacted, that was showing interest. What were you supposed to do, sit on the guy’s lap? :-)
My opinion: I wouldn’t overthink it. If you want to send the guy a short message to get the ball rolling, fine. But let him do the work after that– let him ask you out. I wouldn’t worry about coming on too strong. Share a funny or interesting post on Instagram with him, with a short comment to start a conversation. If he’s interested in you he should jump on that. If he’s lukewarm, or doesn’t pursue conversation or escalate things by asking you out, then don’t waste your time.
confused.com
Honestly I regret saying subtle lol I’ve been single for a year after a 4 year long term relationship I’m a little rusty with my flirting skills lol
Thank youu! Okay I’ll give it one more shot and see if the conversation goes anywhere. I already have a little plan in mind. I’m going to reply to his next story and ask a question.
I’ll be back with an update!
Liz Lemon
I think what you describe sounds fine. Again, just my opinion. If he doesn’t escalate your interactions (by asking for your number, asking you out, etc), then I would leave it alone. Just responding to you isn’t enough, no matter how friendly he seems to be– he needs to initiate. But hopefully he will!
I’ve been in your shoes plenty of times, when I liked a guy and he seemed interested, but passive/shy, so I chased him. In every single case, it never worked out. The guys even accepted my invitations to get together/hang out, but it never became romantic. If a guy wants you romantically, he initiates. Reading back over your post, you have already invited this guy to a group outing, which unfortunately didn’t happen. So you have shown plenty of interest. This guy had the perfect opportunity to ask you to get together since the group outing didn’t materialize, but he didn’t. So go ahead and sent him a message to start a conversation, but he needs to be the one to ask you out.
Maddie
I agree with Liz totally, and my experiences in life have matched hers in similar situations. If he doesn’t start taking some initiative once you’ve started the new conversation you’re intending on (and you already invited him to a group event, but you can try a one-on-one invite one time to see if he then takes it from there after a meetup), assume he just likes to flirt but isn’t interested in actual dating. And that’s okay! Then you know not to pine for him.
confused.com
So I think Liz and Maddie you were right lol
I started a conversation with him yesterday and it was fun. In his last text, he asked me a question and I followed up with a few texts and a question too but it’s been almost a day and he hasn’t responded.
I know people get busy but considering the past pattern where the little interactions didn’t go any further I have a feeling this conversation will also come to a dead end.
I feel like I opened up conversation so I feel like he’s probably not as interested in me because if he was he’d want to carry it on?
So I think I’m ready to put it to a rest and I’ve got it out of my system. I am happy that I took some action though, I’m quite a shy person so this is way more than what I’m used to doing!
He was also the first guy I’ve liked since my break up so hopefully there will be more.
Thank you for the help ladies!
Liz Lemon
Your instinct is totally correct. If this guy were interested in pursuing something with you, he would respond and be proactive. It’s good you got it out of your system, like you said! At least now you know you don’t have to pine for him (as Maddie said), or wonder. Good for you for putting yourself out there and overcoming your shyness! There will definitely be other guys, don’t worry :-)
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