She blocked me and cut me off

Tony, it’s good that you were honest about this early on. Thing is, it’s almost impossible to immediately be “just friends” after dating someone. Write her a note and tell her you understand she’s upset but this is about you working on yourself because you weren’t ready and you respect that she needs space to move on and if things change for you down the line you will be in touch. Then give it a good six months at least.

What are your issues that keep you from feeling you want to be in a relationship?

Hi Tony.

Agree with Stef. You can’t hurt someone and then expect them to be “A OK” with it just to make you feel better. Its selfish on your part to ask this of her when her heart’s broken too. We tell ladies to go NC (no contact) right after a break-up to wean themselves from you so they can heal and move on with a man who wants to loves, care for, provide and protect her. Women aren’t men and don’t do well moving from relationship to friendship. When they do they remain stuck in limbo—HOPING you will change your mind and like a white night come begging her back and live happily ever after. Problem is it rarely EVER HAPPENS and while she’s hoping you meet a lady and promptly remove her from your life.

Happens every day in here which is why we try to protect women from being left on the string of “false hope.”

I too would like to know why you can’t be in a relationship with her? What’s holding you back?

Tony, you most likely really hurt this woman. You have to let her go then. You are talking about feeling hurt now but you are the one that did get into a relationship with her and then hurt her by dumping her. I can understand if she is angry, sad, disappointed, betrayed, etc. So if you were not ready why did you become involved? If things became bad in the meantime then do you think the way to handle that was to dump her? Sorry I thought and rethought whether to respond because I do not want to judge you but you most likely broke her heart and are now angry that she does not want to talk to you. Expect that and respect her right to do so. Your lashing out at her was uncalled for. I had this happen too and no, I did not want to talk to the man afterwards.

I am not blaming you but if you love this person, I mean truly love this person then think it over and approach her, apologize to her and try to win her back, otherwise just leave her alone and let her move on.

Friendships after relationships just do not work like that and I personally never agreed to them. She has the right not to want to be your friend either. She had different feelings for you. In certain cases a friendship can exist but I think that in most cases years have to pass and even then it can be challenging.

Yes, by all means go to therapy, deal with your problems, get a job or a better job, work out a solution for your debt, come up with ideas how to solve it, go to a debt counselor, etc. I have been there and still not great after my divorce but you can get through it. You are still a man and she loved you the way you were. True love is about being there for the person regardless of their situation. Just think this over.

People have to realise the feelings haven’t gone for her, but it was bad timing. She’s lovely and beautiful too good for me. I just want to know why has she blocked me?

Work not having enough money. Family aswell. I just feel like I would have to give her alot of me and I can’t at the mo.
I know i need to work on me. Just want her to know i care.

Tony I understand that you miss her but it does not sound like you really meant to break up, it is like you are sabotaging the thing that is the only good thing in your life right now, which was her. It would be selfish to expect her to remain in contact which would be like stabbing a knife in her over and over again. Of course if you have feelings for her, you should not contact her for a while. Try to think it over but deeply enough that you do not hurt her again were you two to reconcile. It may or may not be possible. Do seek therapy. Do seek peace and happiness within yourself. Try to remove yourself from the stressors in your life. Work out your problems. There is no such thing as too good for you because she considered you good enough for her too and she is right to feel betrayed now, no way around that unfortunately because fact is that you did throw her away. I understand your suffering but you cannot seek relief from her when her suffering right now is greater than yours and you caused hers. Do not start seeking her out unless you truly mean it, that would be like playing with her heart. Own your decision and only change it when you are sure that you will not do this to her again.

Hi,

Timing is everything. You want to do nice things but cannot seem to concentrate on the relationship right now….that is understandable.

And you know that you cannot leave a relationship everytime the going gets rough in your life. Trust me Tony, life can get really rough sometimes for all of us. So you have to learn not to let go when you are not in tip top shape.

If you truly believe that this is a temporary setback in your life then clean it up and then look for a GF. But only if you think it is temporary….otherwise you will drop the next relationship when life becomes hard….and it will.

Most women do not care about material possessions the way men think we do….we like nice things, sure, but people are more important to us by far.

A woman who loves you will be at your side when the going gets tough…just don’t take it out on her…treat her always with your best….no matter what.

Although you need to deal with this in your own head and heart understand that women are your best source of comfort when life is not at its peak….they are stronger than they seem.

Best of luck to you….I am sure it will all be fine.

Give her some time, most probably she will unblock you when she feels ready to be your friend.

That letter is amazing but will only keep her waiting for you in hopes that you will solve your problems and come back to her relationship ready. If you care about her, let her go and have the chance to find someone who will give her what she needs…And if one day you’re ready and she’s free then go find her.

Rose, there is a risk she would take it as false hope. But he can’t control what she thinks when she reads it. This is about him expressing how he feels and where he is as honestly as possible. The only reason I suggest he words it like that is he seems quite clear he cares for her and he wants to get his act together and try again with her. He isn’t making any promises.

Ultimately it’s up to him what to do.

I’m going to say this once – I thought very carefully about what I suggested Tony say to this girl. I designed it specifically so there is not a future promise of anything. He wanted to express that he cares for her very much and that this is his issue he has to go work out and it isn’t her fault. All he’s saying is he’s going to work on himself, someday he’ll get in touch and at that point it’s up to her if she wants contact with him, and until he’s on more solid ground with himself he’s leaving her alone. If I were on the receiving end of the message, I would not create false hope in my head that he was coming back to restart something hot and heavy.

If anyone wants to improve on what I’ve written for him to send her, feel free to edit rather than just criticizing and accusations of false hope where there is no promise of anything other than he’ll be in touch when he’s doing better. He wants to say something. He’s here for guidance because he’s wants to do the right thing, not a dose of you’re a jerk Mr. Man.

Tony,

Not every woman just want to land a guy for long term relationship or get married immediately.

You can email her and express your wishes. If she finds that is genuine, when she is ready, she will reengage. If she really cares for you, she will take the risk and let you do the best … This is what love is all about. Love is patient and kind.

Hi all
Thank you for your advice . I’m goin to leave her for now because I don’t want to give her false hope and hurt her anymore. I do think I will phone her sometime in the future to see if she’s ok.
I now know i have to focus on getting myself better and deal with my problem that I have as I will never be able to have a relationship with anyone. Do u think this is a good idea?