She talks with her ex at night

& you’ve not locked her down because …?

I haven’t broached the subject because I don’t want to seem controlling or insensitive.

She will leave the room to take the call. She says excuse me then jumps out of bed. The first couple of times I asked if everything was ok and she just said “oh it’s my exbf Tommy, he just needs someone to talk to.”

I ask her to shut off the phone or ringer when we go to bed now but she says no.

I agree with others in that you need to clarify what your status is and plans with her are first; and then have a discussion about the ex in a calm manner that you find it not only disruptive but disrespectful that you take his calls when she is with you.

What do you want? Do you want to be a “couple” and progress towards a potential commitment (e.g., marriage)? Or do you want to waste her time and go nowhere? If you want to waste her time at least be honest with her, or get off the pot and man up.

I would prefer my BF tell me, in a calm and respectful way, that something is bothering them, just as I do the same if something is bothering me because if you let them pile up then you are going to end up with a rocky relationship full of resentments—not a good long-term plan. People aren’t mind readers so its best to tell them what’s on your mind and then discuss and negotiate a reasonable solution that both parties can can accept and be OK with.

My main thought when reading it was also, why did you not ask for exclusivity yet? If a guy doesn’t ask me within 6-8 weeks I’m out (likewise if I see I am not super into a guy after 6-8 weeks I’m out).
In my own personal experience I am finding that more and more men are trying so hard to be cool and non controlling that they tend to go to other extreme and when a girl sees a guy is being “too cool” she will often second guess things

Jake

You should approach her and tell her this isn’t acceptable. I agree with Sue that you can suggest she guide him to some professional help. It’s gonna be weird because she had guilt over how they ended their relationship. Do you know if her aid involves more that inconvenient calls, does she give him money?
Don’t be combative or accuse her of anything.
I wouldn’t like it if the woman I was dating got out of bed to talk to an ex. It’s a bit insecure but it’s also respect to you.
Ignore the noise from people here that don’t offer anything useful.

Just re-read what I wrote and I know it sounds like I’m going off on a tangent – maybe it’s the way I worded it . Sorry about that.
I think what I meant to say was that you are right to be concerned about what she is doing (speaking with ex), however , maybe in her mind she’s free to do what she wants because you have not had the exclusivity talk. I think you bringing the issue up is totally valid , and that would be even more valid if your plans are to be exclusive with her .

Good luck!!

Warasen I thought you were married with grown kids!!!! How did you become 31 year old Jake?

wow … plot twist . So Warasen isn’t a married guy with kids ??? Yikes

Cupcake,no, you have to enter your name and email in a separate box to make a response. Not likely you type someone’s name other than your own. Regardless, Anne’s right, too many fakes here. Admin has to keep stepping in and deleting a handful of people who’ve been caught over and over posting as multiple other people.

And I notice that neither “Jake” nor “Warasen” has said a word…

I’m with Anne.

Your email & handle only need to match if you’re using an avatar…