Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › She wants to change date location?
- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 4 years, 3 months ago by
caetru.
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Peter
I setup a date this saturday to meet a girl at this specific restraunt and she agreed. Now she wants to change the location to somewhere different because she dosent like the intial place. I responded “Lets stick to the intial plan. Dont worry were going to have a good time”. I didnt want to give in and appear beta. Now she wont answer me. What should i do?
anon
I would say you two are incompatible- she is high maintenance and a poor communicator and you do not like to give in. Both of you messed up- she should have been upfront about not liking your pick, and you should be a little more flexible.
anon
FWIW, in this day and age people have a lot of food issues, and she may have looked at the menu and decided there was nothing she could eat. Like I would not go to a sushi place or shellfish oriented restaurant. If I was a guy I would have a list of restaurants that were pretty universally pleasing to take dates to.
Joanne
> I didnt want to give in and appear beta.
What? What makes you think that was a good idea?
It’s difficult to tell from just a few details, but I think the answer was communication. You could have communicated with her, like asked “Why do you feel that way?” and determined whether her request was reasonable. And even if it seemed unreasonable, you’re just trying to get to know this person, so maybe you could have rolled with it and see what’s up.
Communication was key.
‘course now it might be too late. “Didn’t want to seem beta” – really?
Dangerouse
I’ve done this plenty of times. A man suggests a place that isn’t very interesting and I suggest someplace I think is better for a date atmosphere.
But I am an older woman, so I’m usually right. But if shes really young, who knows what her reason is. What reason did she give?
I also make sure to choose a place that is an easy drive for me.
But its clearly too late now. To me, you appear to be pouting, so her instinct is kicking in.
Dangerouse
Additionally, if you didn’t pick up the phone and discuss it, then you are not the greatest communicator.
T from NY
Call her. If she answers – apologize and ask where do you wanna meet? Let’s make this happen. Take charge. That’s non-beta. If she ignores you – chuck her she’s not nice.
J
I have done this before when people have gave me bad reviews of a place I had arranged a date for food etc.
Your ego will ruin this date.Heather
I’m vegetarian, so if a guy suggests a restaurant without many veggie options I will politely suggest something else. The one time a guy tried to hold his ground on his (generic, corporate, bad atmosphere) restaurant choice by saying “but they have salad”, I politely declined to meet him after all. He didn’t come across as alpha, he came across as an a*****e.
ALEX ZANDER
[deleted for trolling and general uselessness]
Raven
Oh Alex, you & your manly ways!
That’s why you’re trolling a relationship site responding to posts that are a year old… I bet you have the ladies lined up!Frayed knots
You organize a date and she doesn’t show up means she wasn’t impressed or there’s bad communicating. Like Dangerouse said. It doesn’t mean he was being tested. Seems like she’s more “alpha” than you are and she’s better off finding someone who actually takes her seriously instead of objectifying her. Guys like that piss me off.
caetru
“I didn’t want to give in and appear beta”
Please guys (and girls), don’t play games and try to appear anyway other than your true self. Dating is the opportunity to get to know someone and to see if they are compatible with you, so game playing only prolongs the process. People test each other all the time even if it is on a subconscious level. The point is not to “pass” someone’s test, but to respond as you normally would just being yourself. If she doesn’t like your response, then the two of you aren’t compatible.A better way to look at it is to try to treat people with respect. A good response would have been to discuss an alternative place that you could both mutually agree on. And yes Alex, it is good to approach dating with an attitude of abundance, but not disrespect and acting like as a$$.
“But I am an older woman, so I’m usually right”
Love this, haha! -
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