Short responses – what does he mean?

This is painfully obvious. No, he’s not interested in anything besides sexting or sex. If he were interested in talking to you, you wouldn’t have had to message him twice to begin with, he would have replied the first time. The first thing he did when he replied is make the conversation about sex. When you didn’t continue in a sexual way but instead tried to make conversation, he stopped making any effort. A guy who wants a conversation with you makes an effort when he replies. This guy is only interested in sex.

It would be so much easier, if guys would only just write in their profiles whether they’re looking for something serious or just sex. It’s really not that hard. And come on, why is it always the great looking guys, who are like this 😅

Newbie, I gotta say, I find you a bit harsh. Each its own opinion, but it’s not like it’s the 1950’s anymore. Girls can flirt first and take the lead. I might be new to the whole dating scene, but everyone gotta start somewhere, and everything is online these days.

I know people are going to disagree here but Tinder is basically a hook up site. I never used it when I was dating online. I used paid sites so at least I knew the guy was serious about dating. And my rule when I was dating online was if a a guy brought up sex BEFORE we even had our first date he was out. A guy who wanted a serious relationship and was a gentleman knew better than to do that. Just like a lady knows better than to lead with sex.

I mean who on Earth tells a total stranger they dreamed about his eyes and smile? It sounds so made up and fake like those old pick up lines I used to get….

Guy: Are your legs tired?
Me: Why? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day!

Guy: Did it hurt?
Me: What?
Guy: When you fell from heaven!

Totally ridiculous and a total turn off. You were flirting with the guy, he went straight to sex and when you didn’t continue with sexual banter his responses got shorter and shorter and he faded out. He’s not interested. Don’t throw yourself at a guy. There are plenty more on Tinder….NEXT!!!

I totally agree with Kaye except for one part– I know multiple people who have gotten married or entered serious relationships with people they met on Tinder. So at least in my city, it’s not just a hook up site. But I really think it might depend on where you are, I don’t know. I myself met my bf on OKCupid and it was free, I didn’t do paid sites. However there are a lot of guys just looking for sex on free sites/apps, so you do have to wade through a lot of them to find the guys who are serious about dating.

But, other than that, I totally agree with her– any guy that brings up sex before you even meet, is only out for sex. Period. And if you open the conversation by commenting on his physical attributes, you are inviting sexual commentary.

In the future if you message a guy, ask him a question about something in his profile- make normal conversation. No cheesy lines about him appearing in your dreams. And Newbie is right too, don’t double message! Have some dignity. If a guy doesn’t reply to your first message, leave him alone. You just look desperate if you pester him with more messages.

I understand people have different experiences on Tinder as Liz pointed out. But the fact you aren’t finding guys who don’t bring up sex in the first few messages should tell you to try out some other sites instead of having to look for a needle in a haystack on Tinder.

I strongly suggest looking into other dating sites as others suggested. If Tinder responses are more sexual than not, and you are looking for something else then try a different one. I preferred the paid sites more than the free sites (in my city) because the responses I got were more in line with what I was searching for: a relationship.

My point is, if you aren’t getting the responses you want, try a different site. Each one seems to attract a different demographic. Maybe do a little research on what features are available and audience each site is geared towards. There are SO MANY out there, you can find something of quality if you are clear about what you’re looking for.

And don’t start blaming yourself if you’re not getting the results you want. I tried one very expensive site and while I went on a few dates, the guys were absolutely NOT what I was looking for. And none of my results were guys I was interested in. I went to a different paid site (Same photos, same profile) and found my current beau that I’ve been with for quite a while. And those that I dated from that site were all great contenders.

It’s almost like you have to “date” your dating site to see if it’s a good match to find your good match. ;) Good luck dear, stay positive! :)

Aww mama, thanks. You’re a dear.
I’m definitely open to trying other sites. I think I’ll have to research the paid ones and see which are a match for me. I’m also open to engaging in daily life, but that one is gonna take more practice as I’m shy by nature.

Lane, I get what you’re saying, and online dating certainly has shaken things way up. So, why does guys swipe right, or whatever the equivalent is on other sites than tinder, on a girl and then just let the match sit there, not doing anything? If they’re really an alpha, shouldn’t they be texting the girl right away if they’re really interested? And if they’re not really interested, then why like her in the first place?

There is quite a lot of men (especially ones that are looking for casual) who swipe right on absolutely everyone and anyone. It’s much harder for men to get matches, so they do the numbers thing. The more the swipe right the more likely the chance one will stick.

Kinda like on a night out when guys approach multiple girls until one says yes. It’s not actual interest in that particular person is just trying to get lucky.

Don’t beat yourself up over it, but i do agree with the others. Is you are looking for anything serious ( or even anything that is not casual hook ups) don’t get too intimate when you approach someone for the first time.
I think its fine to talk to a guy first. But maybe not when he has already shown little interest ( he did ignore you the first time round).
You’ll figure it out im sure x

Mel, you are confused about a man’s intentions, in general. Most of them are just having fun when bored, and out little thought into it, its just something they ‘do’ for no other purpose than to see how many respond to a swipe. They have zero desire to make any true connection, just trolling the sites where if they find someone super hot, who’s willing to jump in the sex pool with them, might score a sex date but that’s about it. Not saying all of them are this way, but its like finding a needle in a haystack, to find *a decent man* who’s seriously looking for a real connection. They too will take easy sex if offered up to them though, so it really doesn’t matter “what they looking for”, what matters is how quickly a lady can weed the time wasters out, to improve her chances of finding (meeting) one of those rare needles.

I will tell you a story I read in an article a few years ago that really described today’s dating environment v. past generations (like your parents and grandparents). Here’s a shortened version of it to get to the point of a man’s dating mindset today.

There was an old man sitting on a bench in the park. A younger man, and pretty lady he was with sat down on a bench next to him. There was some idle chit chat, where the lady excused herself, and left. The old man then asked the younger man if that was his GF. The young man said “no, she’s just someone I’m spending some time with.” The old man was confused by his answer, then asked him “what are your intentions with her?” The young man didn’t understand his question, looked confused, so the old man said “Is she someone you might want to marry?” The young man shook his head no, and said “I never thought about marriage, just having some fun.” The older man perplexed by his answer responded, “back in my day we dated for the purpose of finding a mate, and marrying her.” The young man thought about it for a second, and responded with “I never thought about dating for that reason.”

This is the stark difference between past generations, and the current one, which is why dating, in general, has become a big hot mess. In a nutshell—Men just wanna have fun.