Short term relationship break up – HELP!

Why did you type a response saying hi Beth, using your name Beth? Busted, fake

I suppose someone who considers baking a doggie cake could possibly confuse their own name.

Hi-I am disgusted by what jerks a few of you on here are. You seem to be purposefully making Beth feel bad and that she is a bullshi**ing liar. If you have no useful,be quiet. Have you never heard of the Golden Rule? -“do unto others as you would have them do unto you”- If you were upset and needed help and posted here ladies,would you like to be treated as you have treated Beth? This is not plain talk or telling it like it is,but just plain mean and bully like behavior, You should be ashamed. Beth,there are lots of nice and helpful ladies here-sorry you had some bad answers.

Thank you Peggy and Penelope, both your messages mean a lot to me.

Karen, if you open your eyes. There was a poster called Michelle who wrote to me, and then I replied.

I am departing this thread now. I know in my heart I am a good person and I treated my guy well, but for whatever reason it didn’t work out. But I have faith that I will find a good man one day. I didn’t force myself on my guy or push for anything. One day, he offered me a shelf in his wardrobe. I didn’t ask. I didn’t purposefully leave things at his house.

It was all developing naturally, but one day came to an end. And my chat with him this coming Saturday will give me the answers I need.

I am sorry to the ladies on here that want this tale to be more dramatic than it is. I’m just an ordinary girl who started to have real feelings for a man she was spending her life with.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me, constructively and with hope, but always with kindness.

xx

Bye Stephen, Michelle, Beth. Penelope.

Who are YOU ” karen”? You are probably what you accuse others of being, a other fake poster yourself.

Not as sad as most women posting on here. A knowlege ur concern tho

Ok, now I’m going to stick my oar in too.

OMG, I can’t believe the amount of playground/bullying remarks on this thread. Tbh, I’ve been coming here for advice over the last year or so and have experienced some cutting remarks. But after reading the ridiculous stuff on poor Beth’s thread I would seriously reconsider taking any advice again from some of you people. WOW

Beth, I think you have some amazing and encouraging advice from here, take that away with you and good luck. Disregard the nasty ones. Having a chat with him is not the end of the world as some are making out. Just do it, what will be will be…you are armed with the right tools with advice from the right people and you’ll be ok.

I’m also South African! Afrikaans speaking ;)

Thanks Amber,for that. I just have one more thought for Karen and some of the other “mean” posters. If you had to put your real/full name and photo of yourself on your post answers-would you? I bet not-you know what you are doing is shameful and you do it because you can hide in anonymity. If you are not proud enough of something that you would put your name to it-then please think twice before you act like this again.
And before you say something “smart” back-yes, if my identity was suddenly exposed-I believe I would not be embarrassed or ashamed of how I have conducted myself. I aim to help,though it is only my opinion.

Beware of karma for those that posed nasty comments.
I am South African and I too live in Johannesburg and I am Afrikaans, I am the “authentic” Michelle that sent a comment to Beth, you mock her on a typo she made, tease her and penalize her, I can read the joy you receive in doing so!
Such pleasure you gain from all your belligerent comments…sad life you have! Does it satisfy your pain you holding inside? Do you enjoy the attack on others?
It costs nothing in life to be kind and if you find it “lekker”, translated in English, pleasant to feed off others hurt, you are the ones that carry the most pain in life!! Your words are a true reflection of exactly who you are, your souls are the most wounded!
Beth translated from English to Afrikaans as you asked:
Ek is jammer dit is verby tussen ons, dit was nie my keuse nie, maar ek wens jou alles van die beste vir jou toekoms
Beth, don’t allow bitter words from this forum to consume your soul, its for their own amusement. Be patient and trust your journey.
Best for you xx

I have heard that Afrikaans is one of the world’s easiest languages to learn would you say that is true?

For those that care to know what happened at our meet up on Saturday…

He came to mine in Colchester, from London, to return my things and talk. It was so sad. He cried, I cried. He said he enjoys our time together and was very happy with me, but he just didn’t have the feeling of love yet and didn’t think he ever would. He said he could’ve very easily carried on our relationship and it could’ve gone for six months, or a year and beyond, but he just didn’t think that it would grow into anything more.

He told me he did this with his last two girlfriends after his divorce and he kept things going in the hope that he’d fall in love but he didn’t. He said he was with the last one eight months but knew after a month he wasn’t ever going to love her, but he stayed with her for six months and then they even moved in together for two months, and then it got really messy. And he doesn’t want to do the same with me, better now than later down the line. He said I did nothing wrong at all, but that he thinks he should be in love by now.

I said that this isn’t my decision, I think you’re making a mistake. I said this is all you. I said he hasn’t given it long enough for lasting feelings and love to develop. You cannot fall in love in less than three months otherwise it’s just lust and that isn’t long lasting. I said I’ve had relationships before where it’s felt hot and heavy in the beginning but it isn’t real love. I told him I think it’s more important to find someone who you can build a life-long friendship with, have everything in common with, attraction and laughter. Then love comes later. I told him that’s how I felt about him and that this to me was the beginning of our journey. That I didn’t know yet if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. He said, “..but you should know that by now..”. I don’t agree.

I’ve made it really obvious to him that this is his decision and his alone. He has to let this decision sink in now. I said I would have valued him forever and given him my everything. He said I did nothing wrong and I am not to change. That I am an amazing, beautiful woman. He loved all the things I did for him (gift, south african treats, tart making etc.) and he appreciates me truly and I’m not to stop doing those things.

My honest opinion is it is a classic case of fear of failing another relationship. That he is standing at the door to commitment and he needs to jump through it. But he won’t. He doesn’t want to fail marriage again as he did before. He’s called two relationships to a halt before me. I’m the third girl since his marriage. He just is terrified to commit.

He told me that his gut is telling him that love isn’t going to come in our relationship and that he read some business book about listening to your gut. To a certain sense I agree with him, but I think that the feeling he is feeling is fear. We parted both crying and that is it. I cannot do anything else. I’ve told him I do not want this and that I want to be with him.

I almost told him “I love you”, but I didn’t. I honestly didn’t realise until I was letting him leave that I truly do love him. It’s not lust, because it’s never been like that with him (like it was with my ex). This is something real, but if he doesn’t see it too, then all I can do is move on. I’m not going to be a crutch to him or stay in his life. That’s it, I’m completely cut from his life. Like chopping off a limb. I’ve deleted his number from my phone and will delete all our photos and messages.

We had talked about it for two hours and then spent two hours back to normal, laughing and joking. We had cream teas at a little cafe and went for a walk. The magnetism between us was palpable… Walking alongside him, I just felt drawn to him like a warmth I couldn’t explain. I just wanted to hold his hand, link arms and rest my head on his shoulder. I’ve never felt a pull like it before in a relationship. He is truly a near-miss. Like a shooting star that lit up my life for a mere moment. After our tea, it was time to go and we spent another hour saying goodbye in my car (I dropped him off at the railway station). He was holding me so tightly, and I can tell he was/is battling with this decision. But that’s it now. He has to let this decision sink in. I can’t stop crying but I have to move on now. At least I know it wasn’t me. And I believe it isn’t anything in particular that I did.

He text me later that night saying he wishes things were different and that he is truly sorry. Wished me well and said he will always remember me. I did not reply to him. I still had the Tinder app (keeping myself invisible) but had retained our “match” and messages. The following day, I saw he had updated his profile with new pictures (one of which I took), then about an hour after I saw that, he deleted our “match”. It hurts to see that he has gone straight back into dating after it was finalised with me. But I suppose he is doing what all of us do in this situation. Try to fill the void as quickly as possible. Though, I can’t think of anything worse right now (going on dates/apps). I have now deleted Tinder completely. I am giving myself at least a month before I venture back.

So, he has now gone and that’s all there is to it. Lesson learned – only buy trinket gifts for new boyfriends rather than big expensive presents that have sentimental value. As I cannot get that painting back and it was drawn by my cousin’s husband who is an up-and-coming professional London artist and it is a limited edition piece of work. It’s not the money, but rather the sentimental value that I regret giving him. So it was an expensive lesson both monetary and by sentiment for me to learn.

Thank you to those of you who offered me sincere, caring advice and support. I now need to take time for myself and move forwards. Maybe I’ll contact him in a few months and see how he is doing. I truly want him to be happy, as I wish to be happy also.

xx

@Beth You sound absolutely lovely and any guy would miss out by not being with you, I mean it. Please be very careful about dating in London and London guys, I work in finance in the City and at most companies everyone sleeps with everyone and casual relationships are the new normal in this city. I don’t know many people in serious relationships, the problem here is that there are so many people that men think if they just wait it out for the next girl they will find this “princess” or something