Should I ask him out to Lunch?

Hi Aunna,

Rule number one for me has always been – do not make it too easy for a guy! Men are competitive creatures and they like a chase. This is why they love sport; computer games; chess.. By asking him out he might indeed get the idea that you like him – but sooner or later he will lose interest – because you would have made it too easy for him. Don’t be a man from the very start. This is his job!

And don’t tell him how you feel about him before he does. Firstly because you will put yourself in a vulnerable position and secondly it would be awkward – especially since you are working together. And maybe think once again if you really want to mix business and pleasure.

For now I will suggest to be nice and breezy with him. I know it might be energy consuming, but it is better than coming across as too keen. Listen to what he says, seem interested. BUT never initiate anything. No sms, no calls, no date invites! In fact, try to look outside of work for now to get your mind off of him.

Good luck!

Oh and I also forgot to mention, I don’t text or call him now, like at all. I tried texting in the past, but it went nowhere. So yeah things are basically still exactly the way they were last year! The only real difference is that he texts me at random to ask me questions about work. Questions that I couldn’t possibly answer mind you.

So I really feel as if he is only going to go as far as he thinks I want him to. Plus I’m really not much of a flirt. And smiling at him and waving, and being genuinely excited to see him does not work because I’m generally a happy person. I speak and smile to everyone, all the time. And I also have no desire to hang out with anyone outside of work besides him. I wouldn’t even let the words form on my lips to even mention seeing my other co-workers outside of work hours..Lol

But again thanks so much for answering! I have been refreshing this page for longer than I’m going to admit hoping for some insight..

I see. I understand what you mean. And yes I would be open to a genuine relationship if he can be honest on how he views me too. But it will kill two birds with one stone if I just confess. Because either he will like me back and we work together to build a relationship. Or he rejects me “Oh I think you’re a nice girl..but…” Or like you said, he’ll just flat out ignore me/ decline to have lunch which is cool. That would just mean that I can move on knowing that I did everything in my power to be with him. And if in the future say he does start to take me for granted (if he accepts the invite-if I ask him) because I confessed an attraction first, then he was never the guy I thought I wanted in the first place.

It just blows my mind that I have been thinking about the same guy, a crush on 1 single solitary man for almost an entire year..Lol and I still feel like I can’t communicate with him. I will try just as you said Princessa, because I do care for him, but I’m not going to stay on this roller coaster forever..

Thanks again Princessa you’re awesome!

Ha You’re a master mind! And I will! Thanks again..!

I agree it is good to explore opportunities, but I don’t believe this is the way to go when it come to wanting a serious relationship.

You can either be his dream girl or a girl for now.

One thing to understand though is that you can’t make a man do anything…. He obviously made it clear he is interested but what exactly is he interested in?? what if it’s just a casual hook up? Would you be happy with that?

Thanks again Princessa!

Hey Dyanne, Thanks for answering..! And that is why I wanted to in some way just tell him that I’m into him. Because I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know or is on the fence about me liking him back. Because he’ll just come around and just stand near me, or in the near vicinity and stare ect. And the other night at work, he wasn’t even scheduled to work, but he was there all day. Plus it was bad weather liking storming so hard the lights went out at work. And every time I got moved from one post to another, he would be there too.

I just want to cut out all confusion and didn’t want to say anything direct through text so it could not be misinterpreted as anything else. The other night he made a comment about women always being sarcastic. Immediately I thought when the plans for us to hang out didn’t work out the first time, I told him not to worry about it because he seemed like a busy guy. But when he had the time to let me know because I liked him and thought he was a cool guy. And obviously he didn’t take me literally because he didn’t text me back until a while later when he was asking me about work. And he continued acting the same way. And this whole situation Has driven me half mad..Lol But I think he is worth the headache..

No one can really tell you what to do! It has to be your decision. But you just need to know the physiology. Behind why men act a certain way.

If you take the man’s side early in the relationship you will tend to keep it for a while. And I wish someone would have cleared my head earlier.

If the guy is into you, racing Bulls won’t stop him in his endevours to ask you out. Everything else is you doing his job for him…

Just be smart about your decisions. If he stares and you feel like he is making an effort, maybe he does need a sign.. But I won’t ask him out. Not even for lunch. There are other ways to show him you are interested without putting yourself in jeopardy.

Ask him about his weekends, if he wants something from a store while you are out (while of course asking everyone else), pop in with a cuppa into his office and discuss that question he asked you about work face to face; tell him about your plans to look for another job ( lit could be somethignstopping him as well).. There is millions of ways without asking him out…

Princessa, no offense taken. I don’t believe in games, I believe in authenticity. In being yourself. And that means being confident and happy and having a full life by yourself. So being able to ask a man out or to text him without caring about the result, therefore not being needy and not chasing. I believe in being very straightforward with what you want but not clinging on the outcome. At least that’s what worked for me so far.
I just told the OP what I would do. Of course that it is her decision about it, she is the only one here who really know the situation and the guy

Again Thanks guys for all the answers…!

I completely understand what you are saying Princessa, but I do think Dyanne and I have very similar views when it comes to dating. I’m willing to go all in, but I need a clear definite thing. I will let you know upfront everything that would be relevant to the relationship. I don’t like dancing around things, and I especially don’t like playing games.
However, for some guys, especially the ones who don’t see to be extremely confident you really do have to. But I feel as if, on any level if he really wanted to be in an actual relationship, regardless if I ask him, or he asks me it would not matter because somehow, someway, we’d end up spending time together.

Hi Khadija!
Thanks for replying! And yes I can see how very bold all of this is, but honestly I’m tired of being timid. I’m tired of waiting around hoping for this and hoping for that. And really I am no flirt. I either like you or I don’t and I will either tell you or I won’t. Many people can’t handle this but I am learning not to be a people-Pleaser. On many occasions, even this one, I sit and wait and do this or that but I don’t usually get the outcome I want or there is some big misunderstanding. At this point in my life if he can’t handle my severity, then he just isn’t the one for me..Lol

I’m in a very similar situation with a coworker, and it’s been going on for awhile so this caught my attention.

I’ve been reading all the responses so far, and there is some great advice in the responses so far.

However, one thing I’d like to add is it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

For example, you could ask him to lunch, but you don’t have to make a big confession. Just ask him on a lunch date, which will give him the hint that you’re interested, but don’t bring up your feelings. Use that lunch to learn more about him and his life outside of work. This way you can get to know each other outside of the coworker relationship, and see if you are compatible and if this is really a guy you’d like to enter into a relationship with.

Ultimately, it is your decision and no one can tell you what to do. If you decide to ask him out, be bold and confident when you do. And if you decide to wait for him, then find other things in your life to distract you. Don’t get stuck in the trap of focusing too much time exclusively on him!

Best of luck with whatever you decide!

Sounds like you know what you want to do ??

i am in the same situation. i invited my coworker to a coffee (after a year). He invited me before to some events but i was to afraid to go.so, he started with mixed signals. so i told him i was attracted and he told me that attraction was mutual, he asked me why i didn’t pursue him before etc.also, he told me there is another woman in his life (not a serious relationship), so i started to joke with him and said that maybe i will call him next year to see if he is available and he told me ,,you should do that” . and after coffee, he started to like my fb posts, to like my office outfits; 2 weeks ago he said i’m so sexy.and after that, he started to ignore me. so, i think he’s not really interested. i try to move on.

My advice: you should talk with him and see his reaction.