Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Should I ask who she is ?
- This topic has 10 replies and was last updated 5 years, 2 months ago by
redcurleysue.
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Julie
Hi my boyfriends messenger went down and he sent me a screenshot of what it looked like on his phone. In the corner the icons shown who he had been talking to and beneath my photo was a photo of another woman. I zoomed in and do not recognise her. I want to ask him who she is but know it will make me look a bit stalker ish .. zooming in on an innocent screenshot he sent me. Would it make me look crazy ? It is making me feel uneasy though. What would you guys do ?
Miss_A
No, you should not say anything or ask who she is. Is your boyfriend trustworthy? Do you have any reason not to trust him?
Julie
Hi, don’t have any reason not to trust him really. Just that he usually tells me when he has been chatting to old friends etc. So it seems strange that I don’t know her and he hasn’t mentioned it x
Shoshannah
I agree that in principle you shouldn’t ask. But I also think that if it’s an established relationship and you love each other, one silly question won’t ruin anything. And I can imagine the temptation – if I were you, I would definitely be curious.
hs
i don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking him. it’s a simple, and rather logical, question to ask (as long as it’s clearly out of simple curiosity and not accusatory). he should have no problem answering it either. relationships is based on open and honest communication. if it bothers him that you ask, you have a reason to worry
Julie
Arghhhh really don’t know what to do. The only thing that is putting me off is that the photo is really small and I had to screenshot it and zoom in to see it properly. I’m a bit embarrassed that I was so nosy 😳 lol x
Lane
How long have you been together? I don’t think its possible to know everyone your BF knows or has known over his life, unless you’ve been together for many years, and even then someone from the past is going to pop up or pop in due to the ease of access to people today.
how do you know he was talking to her? It could have been someone who hacked her messenger account, he clicked on it, and why his phone got all messed up? I’ve been getting a lot of those from many I rarely, if ever, talk to.
I’m sure your curious so maybe if you present it to him that maybe her messenger was hacked, then ask who she is might be the best way to get the information without coming off like a stalker lol
Newbie
I just ask who someone is. I have this zoom in habit as well and my man is sometimes stunned with what i zoomed in on but he finds it utterly funny.
kaye
I really don’t see the big deal. He sent you the screenshot and you can see your picture and another woman’s pictures. I used to let things eat at me and it always ended up causing bigger problems. I would bottle up my emotions but then they would come exploding out at some other point in time over something silly when I was really upset about 20 other things!
Best way I’ve learned to handle these things is to make light of it and not be accusing him of something. For example if it were me I would say something like well it appears I’m not the only woman you’re chatting with today! That would have had my husband when we were dating calling me immediately! And I would find out something silly like it was his cousin contacting him about a family reunion or him asking his neighbor to let his cat back in the house. It was always something innocent and always made me feel better to know and not make up crazy scenarios in my head.
T from NY
Men who love you and have nothing to hide will have zero problems with you asking this question. As long as you are just curious and light hearted (not acting anxious or accusatory) you should be fine. Do it in person while you’re cuddling or in another comfortable position. Then drop it soonafter if his answer seems reasonable. My ex went out of his way to reassure me because any man worth his salt KNOWS that most women have been yanked around by previous men, in previous relationships, and have no problem being transparent. Of course reflect on your own behavior and make sure you’re not sabotaging your relationship with your own insecurities. As long as this is not the case — you’ll be fine.
redcurleysue
Maybe he was chatting with his insurance agent? The possibilities are endless here.
I would not buy trouble if none exists. If I had other signals that he was chatting with other women then I would be concerned. I assume the best and if I have intuition that there are problems I confront that straight on.
Either you feel he is trustworthy or you don’t. If you don’t then question away.
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