Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Should I Back Off?
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 4 years, 5 months ago by
Katelyn.
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Katelyn
This guy and I have been friends awhile, both have feelings, but mine seem to be stronger and have grown faster. Basically, our problem comes to this, I am sick of initiating. When I have to initiate conversation, it makes me feel as if I am just an obligation to him. He told me he will try harder, but for him, when he doesnt call ME, I am out of sight out of mind and his feelings arent so intense. So, does this mean I should forget it? Does is seem as if he’d rather be out of sight out of mind, or how should I interpret this? Because, he called me the other day, just to talk, after I hadnt called him in several days. He confuses me, I dont know what he wants and I dont want to keep developing feelings if he’s going to flake often or if Im only going to get to talk to him on his terms, when he calls me..
Katelyn
I guess I basically just dont want to continue calling him sometimes, if he seems to be being equally as invested, if hed rather me be out of sight out of mind. When I asked if he wanted to just move on, because I felt embarrassed that he didnt feel as strongly, he said no, he wanted to try harder.. but then said the deal about having super strong feelings that are intensified when around me or talking to me. I just dont understand men. MEN, if you are out there, help me lol
Newbie
Yeah you are on the losing end here. Stop initiating at all and let him come to you, and focus on quality time.
I cant figure out from your post if your desire to be in touch are unrealistic or that he is not that interested. In general: most guys dont like to chit chat all day long. They compartementalize really well. Many women like to text all day long. So dont focus too much on the texting. His promise to try harder is already a sign this is ending btw. He cant keep up with your demand.
And if he is not that interested it doesn make much sense to keep chasing him. So him coming to you is always a win/winKatelyn
But what is confusing is, why not just say, lets move on, and I will try harder if that was a sign he wants to end it?
Newbie
You give him the power to end this? Do you realize how weak you make yourself with that attitude? Youre the queen of your castle. Like i said i cant see if you want to much or he gives too little. Lets assume he gives too little. In that case you dont try to fix him, but YOU break up. Thats the power you have, you go with what you want and like
Newbie
You say you two are friends so not a couple. Is that correct? In that case i would completely give up
Lane
Stop trying to be the man. Seriously, a woman’s energy is *receiving* where a mans is GIVING. If the man isn’t giving you his time, which a man who’s super keen on a woman will do so she doesn’t forget about him, then then you stop paying him any attention at all! Just so you know, respect is at the top high on a man’s list, as is a confident woman. A confident woman doesn’t disrespect herself by chasing men, nope, a confident woman knows she’s worthy of a man’s respect, of which, a man who truly respects a lady would treat like a queen.
Another thing, stop allowing men to *e-tether* you (look it up). Keep this is the forefront of your mind when dating/meeting guys where if its not a HELL YES, then its a HELL NO and your cue to retain your dignity/self-respect by walking away from Mr. E-tether or Mr. Not Interested. I know it sucks when you really like a guy but if they aren’t going above-and-beyond to keep you in their life, then you keep your boots on and keep on movin so you can eventually meet the guy who thinks your the bee’s knee’s. :o)
Tallspicy
He is telling you, with his actions. Please listen next time.
T from NY
I have often wished men to be verbally to the point. But truly they speak more with their actions. Also! I know you say this guy is a friend. But he’s not acting like one. Friends don’t tantalize you, keep you guessing, and cause you stress. It’s not cool. Men don’t just SAY let’s end this and move forward because they A- are playing the field and holding off making a decision or B- like you and wish they felt the energy to act but don’t you like you enough to actually do it.
Either way – recognize a man trying to make you his back-pocket-girl. And always refuse to be in any man’s back pocket.
Katelyn
Thanks Lane, that makes alot of sense, and I think you are right, I need to stop trying so hard and work on bettering myself so I can regain some dignity from chasing him so much. I hate that he leaves me in limbo, one day, he calls me, wants to just talk, causing me to question my ability to walk away, the next, I dont hear from him unless I call him, and then its the line of ” i just dont want to develop the strong feelings again” line. ugh. Men!
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