Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Should I be upset?
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Jenna.
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Tiffany
LOL! Newbie!! You’re my best friend too!! You and Kim both had my back and spoke for me when I couldn’t think of words to say!! LOL I actually have an xbox thats why i can see him online because we are friends on xbox! :)
Thank you everyone! If something major happens… i will update this forum again :)
Devil’s Advocate
I’m glad he apologized for ignoring you because he SHOULD HAVE!! It still doesn’t change the fact he hasn’t made time to see you in 2 weeks. I wish you luck and I hope you do update us because to me it sounds like he’s fading out on your relationship but I would be happy to be proven wrong!!!
Hello
And most psyd give the worst relationship advice. A degree doesn’t make for common sense. And psyd doesn’t put you heads above relationship problems and issues since most people give great advice to others but cannot see the forest for the trees with their own relationships. oP asked if she should be upset and then got upset when she didn’t like the answers. Most women on here gravitate to loving the responders who are in sync with what they wanted to hear anyway. So Op wanted to hear no don’t worry. Those who said she should, she negated and those who gave her the answer she wanted she paid attention too. Why bother asking if you just want a yes man would be my question? I think this couple is very young and frankly the term bad texter is pretty funny every time I read this. Bad texter. I would imagine if the text was from one of his colleagues or superiors he isn’t a bad texter. That’s the difference between being important or not. That’s what I mean. A psyd is using the term bad texter. There is no such thing. It’s like the difference between going off on your spouse for minor issues and yet being able to control your impulses and temper with your boss, or good friends. Selective behavior. Just like maybe a psyd or someone who places higher value on professional help should seek those people and content for advice and not average people who are just doing their best to help based on life experience. Which is always more valuable than book learning anyway.
Newbie
Hello,,,,, is it me your looking for?
You need to debunk a registered forum and a whole masterstudy to prove something, but im not even sure what.
What exactly would your advice be here? Dump the guy? Tell him to step up? Or take a vacation? Or a class in stop being a doormat?The one thing Kim said that stands out for me is that many throw out cliché advice. That is oh so true and one off he things that always annoys me.
1 guys dont do ldr well (how many of you saying that know that to be true?)
2 dont give the milk without the cow (really yuk)
3 having sex with a guy means youre giving it away (alsoBut the most yukkerdiyuks of the yuks is: act like the price, be the guys first priority, know your worth
Im 100% sure neither of both site owners throw out these clichés. Their views are way more interesting and start with the idea that you need to have a happy and fullfilling life to begon with. And yet these clichés spill over from cliché dating sites and forums. Every time i read know your selfworth as an advice i crinch. Honestly i understand the gest of it, but still you cant type some cliché advice and think you wrote something really deep AND expect the poster to appreciate it. Tiffany didnt get upset about the advice she got hello, thats your perception. She was more baffled. As was i when i read those responses.
Does this mean this relationship will last? I dont know, you know, sisi doesnt know but i do know youre not going to throw a hissy fit when a guy is overwhelmed for a few weeks.
Thats exactly what this site (i dont mean this forum) advocatestammy
hahaha.. this thread has become very interesting.. when an OP shares her issues or fears or insecurities, she’s doing that to welcome other peoples views/their take on the situation. and people share their suggestions based on their thinking shaped by their circumstances and experiences, etc. there is no right way or wrong way. the OP is free to identify with the advice that resonates the most with her. not sure why people are getting so personal on this thread.
Tiffany
Bringing this back! I saw my bf over the weekend everything was great! I asked him about the whole communication thing he admits he is terrible at it in general even more so now that hes in the academy Mon-Sat now… so just wanted to remind some of you, what may work for you WONT work for others! I was seeking help in the beginning to calm my nerves… but it only got worse from this forum until Kim and Emma :)
Thank you guys!
Tiffany
correction not Emma i meant Newbie :) Sorry girl!!!
Newbie
Haha i dont talk about ovaries, but thanks. This got a weird treat somehow but im glad you had a great weekend and talked. My whole point was indeed you cant shave all sheep with the same comb. My guy is not bad at texting, if we are apart i get at least 50 texts a day which is ridiculous. But his empathy was low first year i would say. I had to go trough major surgery and he said: get it done. I was stunned. But now if i have the sniffles i get the whole queen treatment.
Just remember the best way to get what you want is ask for it in a friendly way. It works 100% guaranteed if the guy loves you and live your life. Good lucklala
Tiffany, for a girl who presents herself as so secure in her relationship it’s seems odd you have to keep reporting back here every time he contacts you. Maybe it’s the validation you need.
I’m not buying it. I don’t see this relationship lasting… you need more than he is giving.
Kim
Hey Tiffany!
That’s great you two talked about communication and you have it straight from him where he is coming from!
If you two understand each other and are happy… that is what is important, not what anyone else thinks.It’s so funny how people like to get all warm and fuzzy over a story about a couple sticking together through bumps in the road AFTER THE FACT. They hold it up like it is some beacon of hope for relationships around the world. What is funny is so often those same people are the ones who push others to call it quits over anything and everything during even the tiniest of bumps.
GO FIGURE?!?!?! This is the type of reasoning that really makes me question what their real motivation is.Keep doing you and what works for you!
Lots of luck in everything you do! 😀Lane
Oh good grief ladies!
Have ANY of you been in or had a BF go into the Police Academy, Boot Camp, Basic Training, or any level of training like this??? If not then shut the heck up!!!
I personally have (was in the military); as was my ex husband (for 27 years), as well as my two sons; whereas my youngest is currently serving overseas and my eldest is currently in Secret Serving training that lasts seven months. My eldest and his GF don’t have a lot of time to spend together due to his training. He TRIES to see and communicate with her as often as he can based on his training schedule but at least she UNDERSTANDS WHY and is fully supporting him and can personally attest that their relationship is growing stronger even in the face of these hardships!
T recently told her that she’s handling the training really well and it will bode well for their relationship. She does struggle now and again which is NORMAL and asked me how I handled it with my son’s dad. I told her that you need to fully ACCEPT that he chose this profession and with this profession comes a high level of responsibilities that will require a lot of travel and a lack of communication due to the mission he’s being tasked to do. I told her she’s doing a fantastic job keeping busy where she works, trained and ran in a marathon, improving her teaching credentials and maintaining the homefront while he’s gone—they are going to make it!
There are TIMES when its perfectly fine to not expect regular contact or see each other like you would under normal circumstances. His POLICE TRAINING is his priority right now, and if she can sit tight and support him through it she will benefit HIGHLY when he’s done and things calm down as he segues to becoming a police officer. She is doing fine and I believe they will be fine when his new career settles down a bit.
Emma
@Kim, I don’t remember anyone pushing women to breakup over every tiny little bump. Usually this happens when it is clear, from the circumstances presented in a post, that a woman is wasting her time.
@Lane, but why do you forget that the high priority police training did not prevent this dude from playing games online or going to the gym.
If he sais he would communicate better, this is a good thing. It might just work out. The real relationships are more complex than what we get to hear from a post, so if it works out, everyone is happy. Why wouldn’t we be? The whole point of this forum is to help women BETTER themselves.
Shoshannah
Emma, have you really never ever in your life felt like you have time for netflix, but don’t have time to reply to your husband or romantic imterest? when you come back home really tired and you just want to bing watch something, but not even look at your phone? I think this happens all the time, to me definitely, even if I’m crazy in love.
sisi
A thread gets meaningless when posters intentionally mis-represent facts just to make an arguement, which is what is happening here…
The fact is – that the guy wont text back for 4 days (thurs ~ Mon) when he got busy at police academy…
Many posters kept aruging why cant a man take a breath, why cant a man get busy? But those are NOT the point…the point is leaving the GF hanging for 4 days when he had time for xbox and FB…
That should the focus on this thread.. other than that, yes, we all get busy, we all want some alone time, we all skip weeks that we cant meet for reasons…
Newbie
So now youre calling Tiffany a liar and dictating her what the topic of HER thread should have been about? Lol
Shoshannah
I agree with Newbie. A girl came here, with a minor thing, and now we are all going to convince her that the issue is huge? If she feels happy, what is the urge to convince her to feel differently?
Lane
Honestly Sisi, couples have survived for a heck of a lot longer than a few days of no contact! I worked for a POW who for seven years had no contact with his wife or their 4 children yet she patiently waited for his return. You and so many would have told her to ‘drop him” or “find another guy” and lose a great LOVE STORY because of that unforeseen distance…she is so STRONG and I applaud her for vigilantly waiting—she’s a true warrior!
Men weren’t born to be at a woman’s beck and call! They have jobs, hobbies, passions, friends, family and other things and people that collecting create a full happy life. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean they have to check their balls at the counter and make sure mommy knows what they are doing or up to every cotton picking day! You want to be a ball and chain then be one but don’t expect every woman or man to act the same way.
I
Tiffany
Oh wow! I didn’t know updating everybody with something we talked about makes me seem insecure lol! This isn’t a validation thing at all! I am secure enough within myself that I don’t need that… I just simply wanted to come on here and tell everybody we are doing more than great!
Lane thank you for your words! I’ve actually read some of your other replies to other people and glad you understand! Nobody can really understand what it’s like to date somebody in the police academy… it’s rigorous work! He likes to decompress with video games and TV! He always replies to my texts now. This forum still kinda amazes me!
People telling me it’s not lasting long, I’m insecure, I don’t respect myself! GEEZ! People, take a look in the mirror? Are you reflecting something?
Anyways… I am perfectly fine not talking for 5/6 days or whatever it be! He will always reach out to me if I don’t first (because school is taking up a lot of my time) I am very understanding because I work in a line of law enforcement too (haven’t done the academy just yet).
Thank you everybody! Happy Valentine’s Day!
tammy
hehe ..this is a funny thread. The original OP first had doubts so she came here to sought out things in her head. Now she’s trying to sort out issues in other peoples head..
Lane
If she’s FINE and happy with the results of their conversation then why is everyone still ragging on her???
All she did was UPDATE all of you by saying they TALKED about it and he is now responding to her texts and yet some of you want to keep pouring gasoline over a dead flame secretly hoping they crash and burn just so you can get your rocks off by saying “I told you so”?!?!?!? Her issue has been RESOLVED, she is HAPPY with the results of their communication and we should ALL be happy they were able to work out a minor issue based on extraordinary circumstances (police academy training) that was taking place at the time.
Like they say ‘misery loves company’…people who are unhappy want others to be unhappy too.
Tiffany hit the nail on the head with those who are more concerned with tearing them apart rather than helping or guiding her through a rough patch. Tiffany, you know him and your relationship better than any of us do, have a good head on your shoulders, and I have no doubt the two of you will work out :o)Jenna
Admit it, Tiffany, he is using you in feeding out of the relationship. He’s completely fading out, he probably found someone new and is spending all his energy with them. Basic training is probably just an excuse. In fact, I bet he’s not even in basic training. He’s living a double life. He’s probably living a triple life. In fact he probably doesn’t even exist and he’s a figment of your imagination. Admit it! And if you come back here to respond to any of this, you obviously love drama!
Newbie
Hahaha Jenna, that really made me laugh. Quadruple life this one has
Dave
I dont know the guy, but assuming he genuinly loves you, for what I read, he doesnt seem like the guy to be addicted to his phone, so he doesnt feel the urge to reply automatically.
So its fine for you to ask the question if you leave it at that. He might be online and might have seen your message, but might not be ready to be a “functioning person” as he is still unwinding, so when that has been taken care of, he will go back the messages he missed and give you an answer.
If you dont nag him about not answering, you will know that when he does answer/text you, its because he does want to share with you, and that sometimes the timing is different.
In my opinion, of course.
Tiffany
Dave, yes he is hardly ever on his phone! Like EVER. He usually texts me when he has something to share with me or wants to make plans with me.
Jenna…. oh no!!! What if he has a wife too and children OMG! He is in the police academy… I work for the department ugh.. people people! I also have friends that are in the academy with him LOL! He is fading out what will I do!
I’ve come to terms with everything, the reason I wrote this forum was because I was having a slightly anxious day let alone week so I did freak out! But no him and I are more than great! :) have a great day every one!
Kim
Tiffany, You know you’re doing good when the haters be hatin! 😂
I’m really happy you and your bf had a good outcome! It was great to see the other people who were also happy for you standing up to stop the speeding negativity train.
It’s a little selfish of me but in a good way… it gives me hope to apply to myself when things work out for other people. So, thank you for dealing with all the bs with posting your story!!!!
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