Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Should I be worried
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Ashley.
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Kelly g
I wrote on here about my boyfriend around Thanksgiving. We had just been dating two months.
He had just got out of a 6 yr relationship with his supermodel pretty ex girlfriend, she treated him well but he kept breaking up with her, said something was not working for them.Anyways, I had my lease up in jan and I asked him if I could move in with him, we were already together 24/7 , if first he was very uncomfortable with the idea but ended up seeing it for the best thing we could do. I bartend and he works days so if I’m not at his place , we don’t get to spend as much time together.
So last weekend, he went out with his friends and run into his ex, I showed up after work and ended up talking to her a long time , I told her how we moved in together and she looked a little hurt but was very sweet to me and told me I looked like I made him happy and that made her glad.
I went off to talk to a little and my guy went over to her and started talking, he had his hand on her shoulder and look deep into there convo, my friend was next to them and overheard everything, she told him , she still loves him and was glad to see him very happy, he was like I’m ok, I guess. And she said you moved her in so soon after you didn’t move me in all those years, he was like you never seemed to want that.
She was like you must have seen a future with her , you didn’t see with me, he replied , no I saw more of a future with you without a doubt, she was like sex must be really good or something and he was like no where near close to what we had and she said well, I just don’t get it and understand but I guess I never will . He told her , I think about you at least once a week, you look more beautiful than ever.She got upset looking and told him , your girl seems nice, wish I could hate her and I feel back asking you those questions but I feel I will always be in love with u in someway and wish we would’ve worked.
Someone walked up and both turned away from each other. And I came over and made him left.
My friend recorded this all on her phone for me.
Thing is should I be upset? Or was he just be nice bc he didn’t want to hurt her more?
I haven’t told him I know but I do know he went back to the bar they were hanging out at the next night, they didn’t talk expect she came over and told him, she was sorry for what she said and all the questions, he said please don’t be sorry, I enjoyed it.
My friend works in bar and spy’s for me , he left and she stayed at bar and I met him later that night.Should I be worried? Is he going to leave me soon
Khadija
Hello Kelly G,
I can see why you are feeling insecure.
You moved in too fast and met him right after a break up from a long term relationship.
Now you have spies out on him.
Honestly, I’d consider getting my own apartment because it’s still too early to tell what can happen.Kelly g
We been together almost 7 mos, I’m just wondering if I should be worried about what he told her or if he was just being nice, if he meant that , I would be very upset with him
Khadija
You wouldn’t know unless you ask BUT then you would be opening a big can of worms.
I say this meaning you’d have to give up your source and explain why she did that in the first place.
All I can say is wait and see.
However, I’d have a plan b just in case he goes running back to her.Phillygirl
I don’t know what is going to happen in the end, but It definitely sounds like he still has feelings for her. The fact that he keeps “running into” her is somewhat tellling.
I don’t think this is fully over between them. I’m sorry to say this, but I think you are going to get hurt. I don’t see why he would have to say any of that to her now that they are broken up, unless he meant it.
I think you two moved way too fast, he was with her a long time and you may very well be the rebound girl. I have been friends with many exes, but when they told me they still loved me, I was nice. But I never would have said anything to give them false hope, or told them they were better in bed than my current BF.
If I really felt that way, I would have ended things w/my current relationship (either to just get my head straight or to see if I reaally wanted to resume things with the ex).
But I would never disrepect or hurt someone I was currenty dating (in a relationship with) by saying that to an ex.
I can’t imagine why you would want to hang around after hearing this conversation. If that was me, I would at least keep my dignity, and end it with him. And go find someone who I didn’t have to compete with an ex for. Three is a crowd, and there defintely sounds like there is an extra person in this relationship.
redcurleysue
The interesting thing here is he kept breaking up with her so I don’t know if they would make it work.
But, beyond that he is not saying that he is deeply in love with you to her. That is not good for you. Time for you to assess the situation and perhaps move out and on. You want a guy who thinks you are terrific.
Mari
I would have dumped him the second I heard that recording……wow just wow
are you sure he kept breaking up with her?
The thing that you’re missing here is that ex boyfriends do not say all that stuff to ex girlfriends “just to be nice”. Get real. They say that stuff either to keep them around or because they mean it. Sex was better with her? I would be so irreversibly offended. What a shi**y situation but at least you have a good friend to record proof of this asshole
Kelly g
Well , he was very drunk and she was asking him those questions so I was hoping he was trying to avoid busting Her feelings. Yes, he broke up with her everytime and she always took him back, I’m 24,she’s 30 looks prettier and younger than me and he’s 35.
It upset me when I heard when she apologized the next day for being drunk and asking him those questions that he told her not to , that he enjoyed it. I know she’s not over him but I don’t think he wants her. Just don’t kn w why he would say that.Boog
You seem like you’re hoping that he said those things just to be nice to her. But think about this–you’re his live-in girlfriend. You should be the one to get his loyalty, right? So even if he WAS just trying to be nice (which I don’t think he was), he did it at your expense. That’s not very nice to YOU.
He said he had seen more of a future with her than with you. He said sex with her was better than with you. He said he thinks about her weekly. This is all really disrespectful to you. You deserve better.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It might be painful to end it now and be the one to walk away, but from the sound of it, you could be saving yourself a lot of pain in the long run.
Kelly g
But is weekly , really that much? It’s not like he’s thinking of her everyday.
Also, he never moved her in , in six years of dating, me in 3mos , I did have to push it a bit but he realized soon enough if was a good idea.I’m really worried tho, can’t get it off my mind
Amoura
This is not the ideal situation to be in. Take it slowly and maybe even consider going back on your own. I notice that you keep comparing yourself to her. Please try not to do this. You can hurt yourself doing this and you wouldn’t even know it.
Lane
Hi Kelli.
Trying to make excuses or justify his behavior is not doing you any justice. He was with this woman for six years and it never went anywhere and it will be the same with you. Right now he’s cool, but the moment he feels like you want that ring he’s going to bolt. This is moving way too fast with an unwilling man who’s still not over his ex. Honestly all I see is heartbreak coming your way.
Boog
If my boyfriend was having weekly thoughts of an ex he was clearly not over, yes, I would think that it was “that much.” The point is he’s not over her. That’s going to cause a problem for you and him–if not right now, then at some point down the road.
Also, if he saw a future with her, enjoyed sex with her, and still thinks about her, why’d he end it? This would be an area of concern for me.
Lastly, I think it’s a red flag that you pushed to move in with him. Pushing doesn’t lead anywhere good. And three months is really soon to be living together. Again, I’m really sorry you’re in this position, but this does not sound good to me.
Harley
If I remember right your thanksgiving post had LOADS of insecurities abd mentioned the ex.
Fast forward. .4 mths later. …same story….just got worse.
get out now is my advice.
Kelly g
His best friend think I’m better for him, said she’s a really sweet girl but he kept breaking up with her and gusting her really bad, that he needs to stay away from her and he was probably just drunk and because they have a long history together her and missed her for that moment, that I shouldn’t be too worried.
But I really see him as the one, he treats me really good. And at first we started as friends with benefits, he had just broke up with her the week before but we moved into more so fast .
I can deal if he still as some feelings left after 6years but I’m so scared, he’s going to leave me at any moment.
Also, seems like she should be moved on and over all this at 7 mos post break up, I added her on facebook, should I have a talk with her?Boog
OMG. No. Do not have a talk with her. If you choose to keep yourself in a situation in which you feel this insecure, that’s your choice. But your relationship is with him, not with her. You should not be talking to her.
Harley
Kelly
…your post from months ago was NOT healthy. neither is this one
LEAVE the poor girl alone.get control of yourself .
I really don’t think you should be dating anyone right now.
Phillygirl
Wow,
You are grasping at any and all straws to justify his behavior. Behavior I find unacceptable under any circumstances.
I think the only valid question right now is, why would you accept this kind of treatment? I never understand when women want to hold on to a guy-at any cost to their own self-esteem and happiness.
Why do you want to have to jockey for the #1 spot in his life? You shouldn’t try, and you shouldn’t have to.
As the other ladies have said, there are multiple red flags here. He is not good BF material. Six years, kept breaking up w/her, wouldn’t co-habitate or take it to the next level with her. He is giving you ample warning signs about your relationship with him. You have been having serious concerns from the beginning, from all I remember from last years thread.
I don’t think you will listen to us. But unfortunately, when you learn the hard way I think you will end up not only w/no BF, but no place to live.
Harley
All I can further say….is if my memory serves me right…her original post at thanksgiving was just as bad. ya ll should track it down. maybe I’ll try.
Harley
I bumped her original post up…so regulars can compare. it’s called ‘ too soon to stress’
Khadija
Thanks Harley!
Ohhh Kelly G, this was a mess from the get go.
I’m sure you got some sound advice about how to handle this back then and by the looks of things you did not listen.I’d get my things and find a new place. After what I just read this guy can not be trusted. If you don’t get out now I truly believe you will end up with a broken heart and like Phillygirl said no place to live.
You didn’t listen then but, I really hope you listen now.
Harley
are you still off the drugs and not drinking/no more rehab ?
The reason I ask is to determine your mindset right now. whether..These are or could be affecting your judgement.
I went back and read your last post. there is a LOT of drama and running into the ex.
In all honesty….do YOU feel like anything has improved in your relationship since the Thanksgiving post ?
Reader
“I told her how we moved in together and she looked a little hurt but was very sweet to me and told me I looked like I made him happy and that made her glad.”
I had an ex who was dating another girl after our breakup but was still telling me how much he missed me, that that new girl was just for sex blah blah blah. It was an ego boost so…i kept listen to him lol without doing nothing else. When she saw the messages, she called me and told me to stay far from her boyfriend. I said ‘please, you do not know me ? Why the hell are you calling me and giving me orders ? That is between you and your boyfriend’. She began to yell at me ‘stop being a bitch, he does’nt want you anymore’ ! I asked her if she was sure about that. I understood that when she discovered the messages, he told her i was the one who were running into him but OMG, she should have not calling me about this !
Long story short, I came to his house. Followed him in the kitchen, told him i brought one chocolate he offered me a few days ago and wated to share it with him. I started kissing him and he kissed me too…A few seconds after, she was there looking at us and… crying. I told her, don’t cry sweety, did you see ? He kissed me knowing you were sat in the living room. You know, he’s an asshole. I don’t want him…and even you deserved more…but he’s all yours if you still want him. Sorry, i am leaving !
Today, it makes me laugh because I was sooo mean and sooo stupid ! hahaha
You better give her some peace ! Don’t make her try to get him back…
Sanni
I don’t think you should have moved in with him, I think your reason for moving in with him was horrible and NOT a good enough reason at all. If you’re lease ran up, you should have looked for another place or resigned a new lease. Also,the other part of your reason “he works days, I work nights, if we didn’t live together, we wouldn’t see each other.” is again, a horrible reason to move in. If you’re schedules are incompatible then you either 1. shouldn’t be dating or at least dating seriously. or 2. You make up the time during the weekends. NOT move in together!!!!
Also, I doesn’t sound like he’s over his ex at all!!! And I think the two of you got into a realationship way too soon after his break up. Guys need a lot of time after a break up, otherwise you’ll be treated as a rebound relationship. I think the ONLY reason he let you move in was because he probably felt pressured to do so. YOu may not believe you pressured him, but it doesn’t take much for a guy to think he’s being pressured. Reading his convo with his ex, I don’t think he’s happy you live with him. I also do not think he loves you. I think he’s still in love with his ex, and would love to still be with her regardless as to whether it works or not. I think if you bring this up with him, or pressure him into making you feel more secure, you’re going to lose him, he’s going to feel resentful towards you, regret moving you in and he will bolt and have you move out. In the end, you’re almost guaranteed to be left feeling very hurt.
My suggestion to you is, move out. Get your own place, you’re own security, your own stability. Tell him that you recognize that maybe moving in together wasn’t the best idea and that you’re going to find your own place and the two of you can figure out how to maintain your relationship. You’ll soon see his true colors and motivations.
kimf
Harley you are too funny! Kelly, how can you possibly keep this up? Aren’t you sick of the drama?
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