Should I be worried

Thanks !!
Harley, I haven’t touched any drugs since rehab, I do drink but no where near what I did before.

I haven’t bought up any of my securities to the bf in the last few months, I was pretty much living with him and his roommate when my least came up, his roommate was insisting I pay some of the water bills and things since they went up a little when I moved in so I told I should move in to save money , turns out his roommate decided to move out at the same time my lease was up, so it seemed like fate.
I did force it , just thought it was logical and he thought it was a little soon but decided , that maybe it was for the best, he owns the place so I didn’t sign a lease so if I need to go, I’m not stuck here.

I actually liked the girl when I talked to her, i left her alone, she came up to me in the bathroom and started talking to me, I had shot the bird someone in the bar the week before and she thought I was at her. And asked me about it.
Our convo was going fine when she was like well I’m going to get a drink, if you want a shot or anything , let me know . Nice chatting with you. So I went and bought her a few strong shots and she quickly got stupid drunk.
She told me how much she had cared for her ex and how he looked happy with me, she told me she hooked up with a new guy without a relationship and how she wanted to see this new guy more seriously but thought she ruined that chance and she felt slutty bc she never had done anything like that before …
She asked for my advice, I didn’t go up to her.

That’s when I walked away and my bf started talking to her, I wasn’t too worried bc my friend was next to them listening… She asked my bf those questions, probably bc she was so drunk at that point. That’s why I thought maybe he was just being nice , at least I’m hoping .
i guess I do feel very disrespected and you ladies are right, this isn’t cool. Things were going great till last weekend.
I’m not sure what to do at this point.

I will be honest–this was too much drama for me to wish to put any input into other than-you basically trapped him. Wtf were you thinking moving in so soon?! That’s ridiculous IMO.

However, I would like to comment on what Sanni said about men needing lots of time after a breakup to begin dating again? Really? I’m not disagreeing but enlighten me. It seems every man I know who ends a long term relationship has a new woman within a month. I know a guy that ended a 15 year marriage. Began dating before divorce was even finalized. It seems men have NO problem moving on after LTR’s.

Honestly,

This whole thing is a big steaming hot mess. I remembered some of the original posts from November, but it’s much worse than my recollection.

Kelly, I think you are totally caught up and living in fantasy land. You say “things were going great until last weekend”. While we don’t know exactly what goes on between the two of you, this whole things sounds anything and everything other than great.

It sounds like a nigthmare. One of much of your own making, and refusal to see the light and move on.

I don’t make predictions, because no one knows the future, but this has every single sign of heading straight into disaster.

I am not going to advise you of what to do. We already tried that. Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

Hi Kelly,

Too much drama…drinking, drugs and sex…might be a reality show. Is this life what you really want?

This guy is in his 30s and doesn’t know anywhere else to go but bars? And all his friends too?

The life you paint all of you are in is very depressing and sad.

So ladies, I’ve been following the advice I got from some of you all on here, trying not to worry. I’ve been working 60 hours a week so haven’t had much time.

Here’s an update, the bf hasn’t been wanting to have sex with me , this might be do to the fact that I work nights and he works days but I have a feeling it’s a little deeper than that.

So last week I had a really rough week with depression and the bf is really supportive of me during this time but more as a friend than a boyfriend. So I get off work around 12 midnight and on weekend nights , he waits at a little bar across from my work for me , we have a drink and order some to go food and usually head home .

Lately , he’s been going there to wait for me a lot earlier and his ex is in there everytine, he claims he doesn’t want to see her but I’m starting to believe , he’s lying. Last weekend I walked in he was standing over her and her friend, it appeared he was trying to talk with them and they didn’t seem to be wanting to engaged in convo. I asked him and
he said he was telling her friend hi , because he hadn’t seen her in a while. They both left.
This weekend I walk in and him and the ex are alone chatting away, I got off an hour early so I’m guessing he didn’t care if I walked in and saw this.

She smiled at me and got up out the seat and offered it to me and moved on the other side of me. She was very sweet as always. It was quite clear they had talked a good while.
I told him it annoyed me when she walked off and he said , sorry she was in here all alone and I’ve known her ten years, I’m not going to be an ass to her ever. Don’t be so insecure.
My friend who works the bar over heard him telling her how great she looked and how he always loved blue on her and how great she smelled which upsets me because I’m always in work clothes and sweaty after work and on my day off , I’m just so tired.
She also heard him saying , how at least she didn’t take pills all the time, which I’m on an anti dressive and anxiety pills so I feel he might have been talking about me.
I asked and he said he doesn’t want to be with her that he can have her if he wanted her, which I think might be true.
Also when we were leaving , he was like we are going home and she smirked and said have fun and he said in a low voice, yea right!
I didn’t tell him I heard but I’m so upset!!!

I have no family here and my friends all live with their parents so I’ve been trying to save up this last week because if he dumps me, I will have no where to go .. I hope I’m just over reacting and this is all in my head.
I’m really starting to believe you all are right. Worst part is work has been very slow and I’m not making much money to save so I’ve been having to try to stay quiet while I save up in case, I’m really going crazy, I love him so much and he’s so sweet and caring towards me but not in the same way as before. I Don’t know what to do , am I over reacting ??

Harley,
Do you think he’s flirting with her or telling her about our relationship? Would I look crazy if I told him , I don’t want him talking to her at all anymore?

Break up with him
..not very up with him

Kelly G,
If I were you I would be hunting on Craigslist or something for a new place.
This realtionship has not progressed in any way.
He still is too close to this ex, while I can’t say for sure I think something is going on with them.
I’m not sure why you are waiting to be dumped take some action and move forward.
I can only imagine what all this drama is doing to you.
Once you are out this mess I’m willing to bet all that anixiety and stress you are feeling will start to go away.
You see the writings on the wall,don’t sit around hoping things will get better or change.

Kelly
..people say words
…because it’s easier than telling the truth. it’s easier to lie and feel better about themselves…than be brave and say they have fallen out of love.

time will tell with your guy. you obviously wish to hang in there…so good luck. keep saving. ..just in case. All the best xoxoxo.

Update so about a month ago
He was being really cold so I told him we needed a break, hoping he would get nervous of losing me. He said ok …
So three days later , I asked him to work it out with me and that I loved him. He said no he wasnt in love with me and needed want to be with me but I could stay till the end of the month.
About a week after I ran into him at the usual hang out , he was talking with his ex , staring at her lolling all happy. I went up to them and he walked off for a minute . I told her we broke up and said sorry she knew how I felt. She then mentioned , it was her good friends bday and she had drink to much , not to leave him with her. He came back pulled me a side and asked me to leave. I didn’t want to but I did.
He didn’t come home that night and said he stayed at a friends house but it was none of my business.
I found a bill from the very expensive hotel across the st from that night.
Like 300 dollars.
Yet he’s been home every night since. So I don’t think he’s seeing her, do you ladies think he slept with her that night?
I saw her out for a minute , she hardly looked at me and got up and left, she was on a date with the richest guy in our city so I just don’t know what to think… I’m so heartbroken.

sweetie, it all doesn’t really matter at this point. reality is, you guys move too fast, he wasn’t that into it. his level of interest and his ex is actually irrelevant. go find your place as a place to live, and start taking care of yourself, I don’t think you’ve been doing that for a long time.there seems to be a lot of boundary issues with both of you. I just hope that you understand that when a man tells you to leave some place you should never talk to him again, I really really really hope you can move past this but most importantly, I hope you can learn to see that you saw all the signs, ignore them, and did whatever you darn well please, the problem with that, is that you always had a partner and wasn’t that interested. these posts prove it out. I’m not so sure he’s dating her, it’s pretty irrelevant, I really hope you realize you should just leave him alone, because there’s nothing to gain from discussing it further. it’s already been done

I am sorry you are hurting but you were warned earlier on this and were in denial.

The good news is they will not last….it is almost guaranteed. So get your mind out of that scene.

The key is you emotionally chased him….bad move on your part…now the heartbreak is very real. I am glad you are in counseling…it will help.

This is a matter of the heart…and the heart heals over time….forget about them…they will end…but what about you? You will get stronger everyday slowly….you will come out of this…you will find love again….do not give your heart first, let the man give you his first.