Should I Bring It Up?

Lordy, assuming he has not changed his behavior, just ask casually – “so where are you right now about what you are looking for romantically”. and then listen and share “thank you. For me, I want XYZ”

If he is going to be scared away by that, then he was never going to stay anyhow.

Men who want to be boyfriends, act like them and are not afraid to talk about it either.

FROM NOW ON – around the 3rd date, you should be asking what a man is looking for in his life romantically. And if you want a relationship, tell him that around that time. This tells him you are confident about what you want and not just any person, the right person.
and it is ok to tell a man that you only sleep with men when you are focused on one person and they are doing the same. You are happy fool around some, but sex is in a committed environment with no distractions.

All you really need to know is men don’t think like woman do! They don’t connect sex with love or emotion, that comes from a wholly opposite realm in their brain so if you are trying to *sex* a man into a relationship it won’t work!

A man needs to emotionally bond with a woman. If he hasn’t emotionally bonded then no amount of sex is going to get him there. Has he stated anything *negative* such as him recently being out of a relationship? He’s not looking for anything serious? Or anything along those lines? If so, the chances of it going anywhere are pretty moot (not happening).

Nothing scares a man away if he has real feelings for you. If you and he can share sex then you can share anything.

You did not have sex too early – you had sex with a man when you did not know what he was thinking about what that means to him.

If he walks because you asked him what he is thinking then he was not going to stay in the first place. You need to have conversations with this guy and find out if he meets your standards. You need to learn his values and moral fiber. So, just ask him and share your values and morals as well. If he walks then he is not the one for you.

Have you talked about sexual exclusivity yet? That would be a good way to lead into a conversation about what you both are looking for.

It’s totally reasonable to tell someone that you’re dating, that you have slept with, that you prefer to be exclusive sexually with one person rather than have multiple partners. You can see where his head is at (that is, will he be monogamous with you). From there you can naturally lead into a conversation about what he’s looking for or expecting from dating you.

@Liz Lemon no we have not had that conversation. It just happened and then we continued the way it had been going. Nothing was brought up. I feel if I bring it up in that way it may sound like an ultimatum?

Asking in a text is a very very bad idea

Women do subconsciously believe that men feel the same way about sex that women do, which is what trips them up every time or this wouldn’t be the TOP TWO topics that 1000’s of women in her exact position who’ve come here asking what the guy is thinking after a few dates and roll in the hay.

We of course do not know what’s in this man’s mind, as all men have their own minds, thoughts and feelings. We do know however, based on thousands of these postings, is that when a woman has sex she takes a ride on the *oxytocin train* (aka ‘love hormones’) which are the same hormones that bond a woman to her newborn child, so its very powerful stuff! Men however don’t get these hormonal rushes, in fact there’s is depleted which is why they can have sex with 10 different woman in a week and feel absolutely nothing for them—they are the just the ends to the mean (sexual release only).

This guy is feeling one or two ways: Its just sex, or its not just sex. Ultimately depends on whether he’s built an emotional attachment to her or not, which we all know doesn’t happen through his penis, but in the pit of his stomach to the point he is naturally drawn and compelled to be with her, and only her, whether sex is involved or not. Not having sex will actually build this feeling up IF they have *emotionally bonded* but women don’t seem to understand that concept today, and why they find themselves in this very position.

I would just put a day three months out on your calendar and if he hasn’t spoken about you and him as a couple, walk away abd tell him what you are looking for at that time (without criticism). I don’t think talking/questioning does any good except gives him power.

@TallSpicy yes we have still been in communication (him initiating) he has asked me out twice since then. And you are right, I will do things different next time.

@Sensy I love Lanes advice, she really always gives the best words. & I love the idea of setting a time limit—I’m going to try that.

Now update: What if he was the one who initiated via text if we were down to do that again? Red flag?

I dont see the problem with just going with the flow. you will see where his head is at based on his actions. Too many questions about “the future us” might scare him away. You have only gone on 5 dates. It’s too soon to tell if its going to go anywhere. Just because you guys had sex doesn’t mean exclusivity. If you play your cards right and present your best self instead of the insecure version you might get somewhere. Listen and observe. Guard your heart.

Yeah… that 100s of women waiting to drop their panties are only dropping them for 10% of the male population. Trust me.
The rest of the non relationship ready males who need sex play games and know how to string women along. I’d say 1/2 of those men won’t string along a woman who has made it clear she wants a relationship. 1/4 will evade the truth and avoid it to keep the sex but be “fair” and honest. And 1/4 will play ya.

@Honeypie yes he did, not sure if he was being sarcastic or trying to get a reaction or not but I texted back and said “that’s a convo we should have in person I think lol”