Should I contact him or forget him?

Hi Bee, I am in a similar sort of situations except I had been dating the guy for quite a while before he pulled the ignoring/vanishing act on me. Its been over a week for me (we have never gone a day without a message before) and as I was the last to message I am determined to not text him again. He knows where I am/how to get in contact and he knows I like him, nothing is stopping him except himself. I’d say just forget him, its what I am trying to do with mine, unless he reappears with a seriously good explanation.

Yes please don’t message him. Men, if they want to contact us, NOTHING will stop them. We often try to make things easier for them, wonder if they’re wanting us to show them we like them so then we text them. It never works and this early, the contacting should be on him.

Should I follow through with the no contacting too Sherry? I’ve been dating my guy for 6 months, I feel like that is too far into a relationship for him to be able to just vanish without a word. I’m feeling that just one single call is all that is needed, if he ignores that too then that is me gone for good!

Thank you for the advice. It definitely helps getting advice from people online as my friends were just confusing me and telling me not to fuss over it and just text him. I don’t want him to think I’m that easy. Guess I’ll know what to do by the end of the week.

I’ve had this happen to me. Great first date, guy texted me after, we talked about a second date. And then… Nothing. What I’ve realized is that guys are very in the moment. On the date they are having a fun time and really mean what they say. But then later for whatever reason they change their minds. You texting him won’t change anything. I’ve been thru the worrying of should or shouldn’t I text this guy plenty of times. What I’ve come to realize is that yes you could text him, but if he replies maybe he’s just being nice but it still raises your hopes up that this guy is into you so you waste even more time and worry on him. If you just sit back, live your life and date other guys and wait for him to contact you first, then you’ll know his true interest that much sooner. If he doesn’t text within 3-4 days after the first date then you’ll know that much sooner to move on. You met a great guy you liked, but there’s plenty more guys out there you’ll like better. Don’t think of him has being some scarcity that you have to cling on to. Dating takes 2 ppl to be on the same page at the same time. And if he’s not, then oh well. You’re a hot girl with a great personality. His loss!

I have a similar situation like Belle…been “seeing” each other for 6 months, low interest on his part, and we haven’t talked to each other in almost a week. I am NOT going to initiate, as it’s usually me to do so.

I would start dating other guys, but he asked me to be exclusive, and I (stupidly in hindsight) agreed to it, so I’d feel like a douchebag if I started seeing other guys without telling him. I’m kind of waiting to hear from him so I can let him know I’m done, as it seems rather weak on my end to reach out JUST for that purpose.

Great advice! And it totally get what you are saying. On text he is so confident and sneaky, but in person he was completely different…this is why I wasn’t so sure about the whole online dating cos it’s easy to be someone you’re not online, but when you meet up it’s like they can see you for who you really are.

I’ve been talking to other guys but nothing has really sparked yet, but I’m in no rush and I want to live my life as stress free as possible.

Good for you!

In the past month I have three men pursuing me all at once. Two of them asked me out on a date within a week of meeting them so all I know at this point is that their interested. I always go into it “one date at a time”, keep the communication very limited to just scheduling dates to keep the mystery and intrigue level up because men crave the pursuit which primarily consists of wanting to learn more about you (giving out little tidbits on each date). The first one had too many red flags and was trying to nail me down for a second one, but I took the MAYBE I’ll go out with you again after I check my schedule, lol.

Meeting the second one on Thursday. The third and I are having scheduling issues due to the upcoming holiday, but if he doesn’t follow through then we’ll probably never speak again because I refuse to initiate texts or calls during the first two months, and rarely after that too because I can’t properly gauge their interest level if they aren’t the one’s doing so. Trust me, if a guy’s really into you he will pursuit you heavily.

Phoebe
IMO it is unacceptable to accept being exclusive, be together for 6 months and NOT have him contact you in a week’s time. That is ridiculous.

Did you agree to an exclusive relationship? Or just exclusive sex? Think about that. Because a man who wants the relationship will back it up with actions. The man who wants you to HIMSELF (meaning no competition in the bedroom) will treat you like a FWB, which means he sees/talks to you at HIS convenience and not yours. That type is just stringing you along.. which this man is likely doing.

In your case I would not wait for him to contact me. I would reach out by PHONE and not text and just tell him. You are ready to be in a relationship with a man who wants to spend quality time together. The frequency of contact and time with him is not in line with what you are looking for.

Then see what he says. He will either agree with you, in which case you move on. Or he will step things up. BUT, be careful if he steps things up. Sometimes men will do so, in order to keep you hooked and then revert back to their old ways. This is because he doesnt really want you – but he doesn’t want anyone else to have you. You remain an option for him when he decides to make time for you.

True I see what you mean. I’ll just wait and if he does text me I think I will wait a while and think whether I want to be with him or just not talk anymore. To be honest I think it would be good for me to forget him all together cos he may end up replying to me if he has been chatting with another woman and she isn’t interested in him…like I’m his back up plan/plan b. that’s happened to a lot of my friends before

Its not lame to reach out and tell him you no longer want exclusive with him.

IMO, it’s lame to wait for him to contact you and THEN say it. This means you were waiting around to hear from him and keeping your own life on hold.

Hi Amy,

Sounds like it. If a man isn’t taking the initiative by contacting, scheduling and planning of dates, then his interest is very low.

When men use the “I’m too busy” excuse its a big flashing RED LIGHT saying “I’m just not into you”. Trust me, if a guy was truly interested he would clear his calendar to find time to be with you, even if he’s a workaholic. If a man is not doing this, then yes, he’s stringing you along.