Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Should I delete his number? Or is it too early for that???
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 4 years, 8 months ago by
Tallspicy.
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Callie
hey gals:)
gave me his number last week, we were texting starting that day every day since, up until til thurs night/friday morning. he asked me out over text 2 days after we started texting, i never answered but kept texting (i realize thats stupid now but i just didn’t want to seem overeager)… now i really want to say YES but one small problem…
its been utter radio silence (from both of us) since Friday.
Is he like completely over it already? This is just sooooo new that idk. I initiated the convos so far, so I was hoping to just give him some space and see if he’d initiate, just bc i don’t want this to be a one-sided thing and I just want to be sure that if it weren’t for me texting he’d just completely drop off. again for those confused I got his number last week, its now been three days of nothing from either of us…
help?
thanks in advance,
callie
Tallspicy
Honey, are you sure you should be dating? You are way over concerned about all of this. He asked you out and you did not respond? That is very emotionally unavailable and withholding.
And where do you live that you can meet someone?
You should only be dating if you can not be invested until a you are exclusive. He should be leading. All you need to do is say yes warmly and responsively if you like what he is doing and no if you don’t.
You should not be having such a severe reaction as to need to erase a strangers number. That indicates you are in no position confidence wise to be dating. Please read up about anxious attachment.
This is not about him, it is about you.
Callie
Hey tallspicy- I think your words were a tad harsh, but being that I’ve had time to think a bit since the original post, I think I see where you’re coming from since all you’ve seen from me was that post in isolation.
So:
1 I think a better way of asking my question was “would a guy who’s interested really let three whole days go by with no contact?” You’re right, “seeing SHOULD I DELETE HIS NUMBER OMGGGG???!!” Looked a bit crazy. What I really meant was- ok so I probably fouled this up a bit, but at this point shall I just let him lead? In other words not reach out unless he does? Sorry, that was confusing and not clearly stated in my OP.
2 I was going to put this in my original post and now see that I should have- yes it was definitely stupid to not just say “yes” outright- but honestly I was just nervous! He responded to me so strongly initially, I was just having a good time texting him and totally wasn’t expecting him to ask me out lightning fast like that. People make mistakes ESPECIALLY in the super early stages of getting to know someone/feel someone out- haven’t you ever done that? I think your response was just a tad lacking in compassion. Yes I made a mistake, which I’d like to correct now but realize maybe it’s too late which is also ok.
3 I’m usually not like this with guys, but then again this is honestly the first time one has ever left me hanging like this. So I thought I’d troll the interwebs.
So again- my only question now is, do I just sit back and see what happens, or do I reach out?
At any rate, thanks for responding.
Miss_A
Since he asked you out and you ignored it, he probably felt rejected. He thought you weren’t interested. In this case I would send one more text, like “hey I’m sorry I didn’t answer the other day when you mentioned going out. It just caught me off guard and I was nervous! If the offer still stands, I’d love to go out and get to know each other.”
Then the ball is totally in his court. If he answers, great. Let him lead in making plans AND future conversations. If he doesn’t answer, then you know he’s not interested. Either way, you will be fine.
Callie
You know what Miss_A, that’s actually not a bad idea. Why shouldn’t I just reach out? I realize now the only reason I haven’t jumped at your suggestion is because I’m the one a little afraid of rejection now. Maybe he’s in the same boat as me- you can’t get every single interaction right. I’m a tad apprehensive to reach out again since he didn’t reach out the last three days but then again neither did I. I’m probably overthinking this tho.
I will let some time pass, see how I feel. You’re right, either way it’ll be fine. thanks! In the meantime anyone else feel free to share your insight.
Tallspicy
The answer is that in a time of pandemic and with a man who you have never met, they do not owe you daily communication. And if you expect it as proof of interest, things will end poorly. Emotionally healthy men do not rush interactions, nor should you. Over talking to a stranger does not bode well.
An interested man who cannot meet you until lockdown is over should be contacting you a couple of times per week. Otherwise you are over investing and creating a fantasy.
It sounds like you were also initiating, unless a man is very consistent you should not initiate contact until you are exclusive.
Just let it go and be unattached to men you meet online.
Tallspicy
Callie, you still have not said if you live somewhere with corona virus or not.
If you do, you should not be meeting strangers. But if you do not (unlikely), if you contact him once when things are opening up a little and keep it light…. I thought of you when I was reading/listening/watching and thought you would like it! Hope all is well as things are opening up.
Then let him take it from there, and you should not be initiating because he is not leading and has not earned your attention. You are leading.
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