Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Should I discuss or let these things go?
- This topic has 10 replies and was last updated 4 years, 10 months ago by
Lane.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Anya
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 months. Things are really good when we’re together but there are some little things he does (or doesn’t do) that bother me a bit. Those are:
-we text everyday and usually each one of us sends 10-15 messages at a time. Sometimes he doesn’t reply to all these messages and leaves some unanswered (but he does this since the beginning)
-we exchanged gifts for valentine’s Day. He looked really touched by my gift but threw the wrapping paper away (I wrote a joke in there, nothing too much but I was surprised he did it in front of me)
-he used to send me written letters. But since the start of January the letters stopped. He told me he wanted to write me a letter soon but a week later said “I don’t think I’ll be able to write you a letter in these next days”Also some context: because of work I have to be away from 2 to 2 weeks. So some weeks I’m 5h away other weeks I’m 1h away from him. But we manage to be together almost every weekend. Usually it’s always him who asks me to meet and we split doing plans. We don’t usually meet during the week because he works from 9am to 6pm and then has college classes from 6:30pm to 11pm, so he does work a lot. But in the last few weeks he made an effort to be with me during the week, for example he visited me at my working place to be with me for half an hour and then drove an hour back to his city for his classes, ending up getting late. He’s also negotiating hours with his boss so he can come and see a presentation I’ll do on Friday. Plus he already made our weekend plans for the next 3 weeks. So overall we’re spending more and more time together.
Should I let those little things go or discuss them with him?
Tallspicy
A. If you are talking that often, he does not need to respond to every text. However, if he is not responding to actual questions, ok to ask about that.
B. He’s a dude, he does not save every love trinket. Seriously.
C. You are moving past the honeymoon stage, you should expect the letters to slow down, but be very appreciative when he actually gives them to you.
Chill out and focus on what he is doing well. Stop looking for problems.
alia
He is working five days a week And then going to classes five days a week and dating? I’m surprised he has not burned out. I would be. I think let all the expectations go, there is no reason to ask about the texting, but simply stop sending him texts and mirror texts one to one. If you are not busy enough in your life to notice unanswered texts, you need to get busier.
Raven
You really want to talk with him about throwing wrapping paper away… Really?
kaye
Reading your post I’m just like WOW, this guy is going all the right things and yet she is going to come up with some silly trivial BS to “discuss with him”!??! Your guy is juggling work, school and STILL making time to see you almost every weekend even with you being out of town 5 hours away sometimes!
You need to be telling how much you appreciate he still takes the time to text you and see you with his busy schedule and don’t make him think he’s not doing enough by bringing up the fact he hasn’t hand written you a letter or he threw away wrapping paper with a joke on it!! GEEZ!!!
My husband has never answered ALL of my texts messages EVER! Not when we were dating and not after we got married. Why doesn’t it bother me one bit? Because I know his job, I know what he deals with every day and there are times when my text is going to come at a very bad time for him to try to answer. But he reads them all and later he will call me and discuss if it’s even something that needs to be discussed.
Please let this minor silly stuff go. Because if you let a guy think that despite all his best efforts he still can’t make you happy then he’s going to stop trying and leave!!
Khadija
Please let it go!
This guy is going out his way to spend time with you.Don’t get in the habit of nit picking and nagging or he’ll pull away from you.
He can’t be at your every beck and call.
Paige
What Raven said.
Anya
Thanks for the advice everyone! And for knocking some sense into my head too…
Yesterday he told me that after negotiating hours with his boss, he’s coming to my presentation but will have to do extra hours later. So I’m being very very appreciative of his effort!
About the texts he does reply to the questions, even if he takes a while to respond to the ones that are not that urgent.
The thing is I’m really anxious and overthink every single detail. I really think we have something good and I’m so afraid of ruining it with unnecessary things
Newbie
The best thing you can do for this relationship is not making it and him the center of your universe.
Honeypie
You seriously run the risk of doing exactly what you’re worried about. Ruining it. Not with anxiety but with what you do with that anxiety
Lane
Agree with others in that you are self sabotaging a good thing!
This guy is going the extra mile to spend TIME with you and I will tell you that IS the most precious gift men give to those they care about or love! To put it into context, My ex-husband gave his mom a baseball glove for her birthday when he was about 9 years old. Why? So he could spend TIME with her! That was his way of telling his mom “I love you and want to spend more time with you.”
Let the silly small stuff go and appreciate him for what he IS doing, which is a lot based on his schedule! Also, don’t make him the center of your world. You really need to fill the gaps, time away from each, with other people (hanging out with family or friends) and doing other things (hobbies, activities, etc.) or you are going to burn this out. Men want to know that what they do makes their lady happy, and if you start becoming unhappy, especially over petty stuff, he’s going to notice that “vibe” and start pulling back and possibly out if you are no longer fun, light or enjoyable to be around. Be supportive, not negative.
-
AuthorPosts
