Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Should I get my BF's Mom a Mother's Day gift?
- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 8 years, 7 months ago by
Lane.
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Livvi
With Mother’s Day right around the corner, I was wondering what everyone though the policy was on getting Mother’s Day gifts for BF’s mothers.
Background:
1. BF and I have been together for over 6 months
2. I am currently moving in with BF, and his mother spends a decent amount of time at “our” house
3. She has been extremely helpful with helping me move, because my own parents are like 8 hours away and I can be generally helpless when it comes to practical tasks
4. I got her flowers for her birthday and she was very appreciative (its my go to birthday gift for all women..)
5. Likelihood of her getting gifts or cards from her children is low (I’ve had to remind my BF like 5 times already to get her a card, and I’m 99% his siblings are even less responsible)
6. On a scale of 1-10 (1 being no relationship, 10 being a very close relationship) I would rate our current level of closeness at a 5/6
7. Reports from BF indicate that she thinks I’m wonderful (haha, I know that sounds lame)So, do I get the women a gift? Just a card? Pretend Mother’s Day isn’t a thing?
And, if you vote gift then what is appropriate?
Thanks!
Raven
Get her a card… Future lunch date…!
hannah
No I wouldn’t. She’s not your mother or even your mother-in-law. I think that’s over-stepping things after only 6 months with your bf.
If you’re grateful for her help, send her a thank you card or do something nice for her like cooking her a meal, taking her out, etc. But seperately from mother’s day.
Em
“So, do I get the women a gift? Just a card? Pretend Mother’s Day isn’t a thing? And, if you vote gift then what is appropriate?”
I think there needs to be more explanation for why hannah thinks it would be overstepping things. To some extent I get it. Six months is *very* early. You are still continuing this romantic experiment with your boyfriend. If you are still learning about him and his folks then the future remains to be seen. For that reason
it might be more sensible to keep the relationship with mom on the detached, observant side. Speaking from personal experience, sometimes the the desire to over-please his mom can make it hard to be objective about the relationship.But the point of mothers day is appreciating women for fostering the people who depend on them. You don’t have to be a mother to foster someone who depends on you.
Your boyfriend’s mother stepped in a role your own parents would normally do. She did not have to help you. So for that she actually deserves more credit than your parents.
You could strike a balance with a nice generic gift…bottle of wine, scented lotion, chocolate cake, whatever.
redcurleysue
I would not get her a card, but I would get her a small gift of appreciation. A small bouquet of flowers would be very nice.
Tallspicy
Since you already spend a lot of time with her, I say go for it! Just get her a card and say that you would love to take her to lunch in a few weeks for taking such great care of you. This is called being a great person, nothing more, nothing less. If you rarely saw her or had only met her once, that is one thing, but you seem to be building something with him and her, so no issue.
dixit
I don’t really like the idea. I’d buy her something anytime but not as a mother’s day gift, even if she was already your mother in law, which she isn’t. And especially when you think her own children won’t give her anything – you don’t want to be in a position when she’ll think you’re better than her own children, she may even tell them so and they’ll end up being pissed at you. I guess she knows her son well so when he’ll give her a card this year, she’ll know it was mainly your doing and that’s enough.
dixit
PS: what Tallspicy said sounds great, I’d go for it, just wouldn’t match it to Mother’s Day. but that’s just me.
Mary Beth
I agree with the others – I think it’s very sweet that you appreciate everything this woman has done for you, and I think acknowledging that is appropriate….but probably not on Mother’s Day since (as of right now), she’s not your mother or mil.
Vanessa
I’ve been with my bf over 2 years and have never even thought to get her a mother’s day gift. Last year my bf either sent her flowers or got her a gift, don’t remember, and then the 3 of us went to lunch. My bf paid like all the other times we all go out to eat. I’ve only gotten her bday and christmas gifts and her to me.
Livvi
Thanks for all the input. It looks like I should probably just get her a card and gift as a token on my appreciation once I’m all moved and unpacked.
My familial background with Mothers’ Day is that it’s a celebration of all mothers (and women who have filled a maternal role), not just your own. So, from my prospective I thought it would be nice since she is such a wonderful mother to her children, including my BF. But, I understand why it’s inappropriate to get her a Mother’s Day gift.
Lane
I think it would be best to get your BF to take her out for a nice lunch or dinner and you go with, that way he can spend time with her as that really is what mother’s day is about—spending TIME with your children, not gifts or cards.
I had an awesome relationship with my MIL and I only bought her a gift once, tulips for her new garden, from “our family” (me, now ex, and kids) since we happened to be visiting her. I normally wished her a happy mother’s day when I had my husband call her (I had to remind him too), but that was the extent of it.
I might say, “hope you had a great mother’s day” after the lunch/dinner IF your BF does take her out, but that’s it. If one of my son’s (I have two) GF’s bought me a card or gift for mother’s day I would find it super awkward and weird. My first thought probably would be “what’s her motive?” I would wait at least a year or two, before I would do any ‘grand gestures’ for a BF’s family members.
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