Should i give up on him

Short of her having proof he’s abusing THEM. Sorry.

Why, when its saying 4 replies, i cant see them??

AngieBaby is completely right. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sucks that she’s jerking him around this way, but he’s partially to blame because he’s letting her. My bf’s ex for the most part hasn’t caused us any trouble, but the one time there was an issue (she was making a very fake excuse to deny him his custodial time, over some jealousy of our relationship), he simply wrote her a very businesslike email (so it would be in writing) saying he’d be contacting his lawyer. She straightened up pretty quickly and there were no issues after that.

I also agree with AngieBaby that generally it’s best to stay away from men who have a lot of drama with their ex. They need to have that situation under control, otherwise it will be a big stress on your relationship (or budding relationship, in your case).

One other comment, don’t look at it as you “costing him his children”. It’s not about you. It’s about his relationship with her. None of it is your fault, so don’t take that blame. If he can’t have a civil relationship with his ex when he’s dating, it’s not your fault.

I wish we could give a different reply, but it is what it is, unfortunately.

@liz lemon, thank you. He does seem to let her get to him a lot! He was particularly upset when he never got a card from them on fathers day. I agree he needs to stand up to her but he wont for whatever reason. Thank you for reminding me ots not my fault, thats eased my mind a bit. Its a shame its came to this, i knew this man when we were children and i was delighted when he appeared back in my life. Wish he’d never came back, i was doing so well on my own 😪😪

The fact that she gets to him a lot is telling. I understand exes often dislike each other, but if she really gets under his skin, it would make me wonder if there are unresolved feelings there. Not saying he wants her back, but he may not totally be over her. He may still be processing the divorce (have they been divorced long?) Coupled with the fact that he won’t stand up to her about the dating thing, it would make me wonder. She has absolutely no right to have any opinion whatsoever on his love life. So he shouldn’t be tolerating this. She’ll pull this crap anytime he dates any woman if he doesn’t put her in check.

Your decision to stay away may hurt now, but it is wise. I’m sorry because this type of situation feels so unfair. You have absolutely no role in “costing him his children.” He may feel overwhelmed, but the bottom line is that at the moment he is acting like a victim by allowing her to dictate the terms when he has pretty straight forward options to combat what she’s doing. I really do hope he gets his affairs in order so he has something to offer you.

It may seem impossible right now to feel this way, but if he goes away you may have just dodged a huge potential bullet. It’s not unusual for a single father to feel guilt and that he has something to prove. Especially, if he allows the ex to call the shots. Unfortunately, this can come in the form of him creating conflict where there was none to use you as the “proof” he puts his children first.
I’m not meaning as a parent he shouldn’t put his children first. I’m talking about when the father won’t ever put his own plans on hold for his kids but will always put you on hold while declaring his children always come first – even when all you say is that you understand when he breaks plans.

I’ve seen this happen to more than one friend. I hope I’m way off base for you and him but the way he is acting is exactly how the men my friends dated acted.

Can understand what your going through. am sure he meant it when he said them. but when faced with reality and hardships, he couldnt withstand the pressure. atleast you now know this is one man who may not stand with you if faced with hardships. it sucks but what you have decided makes total sens. just try and put him behind you.

to give him some benefit of doubt, since how much time has he not connected with you? maybe he just went in a panic mode and withdrew to think things over? maybe he will get in touch once hes figured what he shld do? or is it that he just disappeared?

Keep in mind that guys decide whether they see a long-term future with a woman after a few months of dating. For the first 2, 3, 4 months they can be incredibly sweet and attentive, but eventually they take stock and ask themselves if they want a long-term relationship with this woman. That’s why a lot of breakups happen after 3-4 months of dating. That’s the point when a guy decides if he’s all in, or not.

I don’t necessarily think this guy is lying about his ex giving him a hard time, but it may be that the situation with her made him realize that he does not want a long term relationship with you. Who knows. The important thing is, if he is not willing to stand up to his ex for you and fight for the relationship, he is not a guy you want anyway (no matter how sweet he was at the beginning).