Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › Should I just call it quits?
- This topic has 13 replies and was last updated 4 years, 8 months ago by
Daisy.
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Miranda
I’ve been seeing someone for 3 months. We live 2 hours away from each other, so in the beginning due to our work schedules we’d make sure to see each other once a week. (We’d communicate about every other day) as time went by our communication changed but in a good way. We’d talk on the phone or text everyday, fill each other in on how our days went, we’d tell each other how much we miss one another, we just couldn’t really be apart. Unfortunately, we are dealing with a pandemic at the moment so it’s been hard for us to see each other. Our form of communication changed to FaceTime calls, phone calls etc. We aren’t exclusive yet, even though we both spoke of it and agreed we were looking for the same thing. A relationship. Everything was going well, till about a week ago he stopped texting me. I figured he was probably having a busy day, so I didn’t think much of it. The next day still no response, and now it’s been 7 days he hasn’t spoken to me. I’ve been trying not to be upset at the fact that he possibly ghosted me, it’s just hard to think that he would do that. Like how someone can act like they’re so into you then out of the blue you don’t hear anything. As I had mentioned before, him and I would talk on a daily basis, and if one of us was ever busy we would let each other know. So knowing he hasn’t tried reaching out to me in a week is throwing me off. Could something have happened to him? I know that’s very much unlikely, maybe he had a sudden change of heart? Should I text him? I’ve been fighting the urge to do so, because if it is that he suddenly lost interest (if he texts back) he’d only be texting me because he’d feel forced to. But then I also want to make sure he’s okay. This whole situation is just confusing.
T from NY
If you haven’t already sent a text or left a voicemail of course it would be appropriate to text or call and say – Hey there! I haven’t heard from you and hope all is well!
Especially if you spoke every day.3 months, in my opinion, is the maximum you should give a man to “decide” he wants to lock you down. So unless he has become very ill or there was a serious emergency in his life or family — it’s unacceptable he has gone a week without contact. Don’t fret about him feeling forced to respond. You DESERVE to know if he’s just done or there’s something else going on. If he doesn’t answer a reaching out text is there some other way you can find out if he’s healthy and alright? If you find out he is fine – I would not speak to him again because ghosting is the lowest.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. It hurts like hell if he’s doing it purposefully. But ultimately remember – as much pain as it is – it’s always a gift when people show you who they really are and how much (or little) they are invested in you. That information is priceless and remember you deserve communication and respect.
jaqlin
if a man really wants to, he would. What he did disrespected you and I dont think you should reach out. That would only show how YOU need him when he can go 7 days without talking to you. In my opinion you got played. bt remember men are trash so maybe one of his homeboys shows more interest in you! ;)
xoxo
I think you have every right to check in and ask whether everything is OK. A week of no contact is a very long time if you’re used to speaking every day. Keep us updated, and good luck! x
Lane
During this time I believe men have too much time on their hands and access to women, especially online, today. I suspect this is going to be a difficult time for any budding relationships to get off the ground due this situation, and wouldn’t even be spending my time on it if I was single.
If this happened to me I would scratch him off the list, not even try to date, especially online, until life gets back to normal. In the interim, I would find some good hobbies (reading, art, puzzles, etc.) to occupy your time until this blows over.
Miranda
Yeah it just sucks! I miss him, and I know reaching out to him is like if I were giving him that power and saying “I need YOU” and not vice versa. I just want to be at peace I guess, and know he’s okay. I know I might risk a response I don’t want but it’s hard, I allowed myself to get attached too quickly. We just had so many good moments together it hurts to think of. I ended a one year relationship a little over 2 years ago and hadn’t dated since. Then I met him and was like wow this guy is amazing & I really thought something could have happened between us. He never showed me lack of interest which is why his no response has caught me off guard.
Raven
Hopefully he’s not sick…
Liz Lemon
This does suck. If you’ve been dating 3 months and talked everyday, then you should not hesitate to call or text him. He could very well be sick, or have a sick family member, although even if that happened he should have reached out to let you know.
I recall when I had been dating my boyfriend 2-3 months. We texted constantly and once in awhile a text would not go through (that does happen). He sent a funny text with a meme he thought I would like around 4 in the afternoon one day, but I never got it. So I never replied, obviously. But since as far as I knew, he hadn’t replied to my last text, I was waiting to hear from him….and he thought I had received his text, so was waiting to hear from me…..so we spent several anxious hours waiting to hear from each other. Finally around 9 pm, he reached out because he was worried he had offended me (we texted each other so constantly in the beginning that going 5 hours without hearing from each other was weird). I had no idea what he was talking about. He sent me a screen shot to show me he had sent me the meme, and I sent him a screen shot of my texts to show him I never got it. We had a good laugh over it. And in the 2 years since then, we have missed the occasional text from each other– it does happen.
The point of my story is twofold. One, if you’ve been dating a few months and have been progressing, you shouldn’t worry about reaching out to the other person if you haven’t heard from them. However, that applies to him as well as you. He should have contacted you by now.
I do think his silence speaks volumes. But, you deserve answers, so you reaching out isn’t giving him the power. It’s giving yourself clarification.
Miranda
Liz that actually did cross my mind & could be a possibility. But then again, if that were the case, that he didn’t or I didn’t receive the last text, he really has gone 8 days with no form of communication? (Just as I have) haha. I’m just such an over thinker i’ve been making way too many excuses for him. But you’re right I do need answers. And since he’s not reaching out to me, the only way I’ll get clarification is by reaching out to him. I do hope all is well though & if he decides to end things there, then so be it. I rather that than me constantly wondering why!
T from NY
Being needy is a mindset not counting how many texts he hasn’t answered. If you already reached out once but he hasn’t answered that – he could be sick or something bad has happened or he’s ghosting. Don’t overthink about this being a power struggle or him winning or any of those useless emotions. Always treat people the way you want to be treated. It is NORMAL if y’all spoke daily for you to be concerned about his well being and THEN to be grossly offended if you find out he’s ignoring you.
That’s why I advised trying to find out another way if he was healthy and okay (posting on social media etc) But if you have no way of knowing it is NOT undignified in any way to text or leave a voicemail checking in and referencing the lack of communication. Then get on with your life.
If he’s ghosting he’s complete frickin shiste and who cares what a person like that thinks of you anyway. You are the one that KNOWS your own self worth. A check in communication asking for clarity or expressing concern doesn’t change that.
Miranda
Thank you T! You all speak the truth. Unfortunately there is no other way for me to check in on him, other than a direct text/call. I’ve never been a fan of using social media. So I’ll just be contacting through a text.
Miranda
Update:
I texted him, asking how he was doing and received no response. Well, I wanted clarity and I guess I received it in a way. It hurts, but I know I’ll be okay!K
Sorry Miranda. That is really, really lame. At least you found out before you got too far in that he’s not for real. Just to be safe, block him so he can’t come back around to test the waters – you don’t deserve to feel crappy over him again.
Daisy
I think you did the right thing. Now you can have some bit of closure, and move forward. I know it sucks, and I’ll never understand why some men can’t do that right thing and be upfront.
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