Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Should I let him initiate all contact?
- This topic has 31 replies and was last updated 8 years, 8 months ago by
Nikki.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Ashley
I’m just reading this post now and my thoughts (from the beginning of the situation) were it’s very normal for a guy to not say anything in response to what you said about the pics are beautiful. that’s a girl thing. a guy would read it & decide there’s nothing else to say. you need to keep in mind that guys are different than what you would do. you didn’t say anything lame. everything seemed normal. you were putting way too much stock in text things that are normal to begin with so just a guess he may have felt your vibe. believe it or not guys can sense that needy vibe a mile away. you don’t actually have to do or say anything to the guy that’s particularly “bad” it’s just they can get a feel for when you’re obsessing over them & it repels them. guys can seem like they’re enjoying you but it’s not that deep to the guy it was cool in that moment, but then they lose interest for one reason to the other it’s very common it could have nothing to with you & he just met someone else he liked more or your vibe or just anything really you can never know for sure but it’s very common. you should only invest that type of energy in a man who is showing you through actions & most importantly pursuing you hard
M
Guys bond over time… a long period of time, and in-person get togethers… a dating expert I was reading said that you should not even start paying attention to how invested a guy is until at least 3 weeks in. The first 3 weeks are all hormones and adrenaline and he may feel strong emotions for you in that time but he isn’t actually bonding. He also suggested that it takes about 10 phone calls to equal the bonding of 1 in-person date… and he estimates about 50 texts… yes, five-zero, to equal the same amount of bonding for a man as he would experience on one date. Think about how much energy and investment we put into a man through one text… it would take him FIFTY texts to reach about one tenth of the emotional investment you’re experiencing from just ONE text.
After any date but especially the first handful, a man will often go off and think about whether he wants to see you again. After 3 dates, he might like you well enough and have experienced some strong emotions around you… but then he noticed something you did that reminded him of a bad relationship or some unpleasant memory from childhood or it could be any number of things… but for whatever reason, he decided not to reach out again. That is how guys are. It sucks. A lot of men will also bail after date 3 if they don’t get sex. That’s pretty much a standard rule with men, if they are just looking for casual sex, they won’t stick around past 3 dates (which saves you a lot of time and energy if you just wait until you’re boyfriend/girlfriend to sleep with him). Try not to cuddle so early, either… that is bonding you to him almost as much as if you had sex… only to have him disappear.
I hope this isn’t too blunt. A lot of us have learned this the hard way. I’m glad you didn’t have sex with him. Lesson learned and better luck next time. Hugs.
Flower
Great post! Put things into perspective. Mind you, i also happened to be VERY into a guy in the past only to be put off by, i Dont even know really why, too much insistance, something they said, even a particular sound of a laugh! Chemistry is a very delicate thing, sometimes subconscious, that is why we cant match with everyone. The definite outlook we should have os ‘is he good for me in TIME’ cause no one can know anyone in such a short time, there is so much more to consider, he could be putting on a mask, i think when a woman puts a man on a pedestal so quickly, it always stems from her issue with her self-esteem, cause Its like if she was saying, ok, he checks a few boxes, good enough, i want him, i m off the marketing for him, disqualifying loads of maybe better matches in the process, just because she decides he is good enough. The bigger question to ask here is, is this flaky behavior GOOD ENOUGH? A high quality woman is not to put up with this treatement, and would definitely not reward this kind of behavior by calling/texting more.
Flower
Oh, and i think, Its always the woman who makes the first move in Any kind of flirting engagement, through her eye contact, body language, smile etc. In a very subtle way of course. From then on, Its a mans Job to follow on this ‘come on’. So his lack of initiative, especially since he showed you he CAN and will pursue, speaks volumes. No need to expand anymore energy on this guy.
ashley
so true, good points flower
azam
Hello lovely people,
well around a week before I left for holiday, I met a guy ( I got to know him via one of my close friends) we went out almost all nights. 4 nights in a raw he spelt over in my place ( because we missed the night bus and my place was closer) but for 2 nights nothing happened i slept in another room and i didn’t let him go further than kissing . the last night ( which a day after i left for vacation ) he told me he will miss me and we exchanged skype id.
but since im on vacation he is on line so rarely. we chat only 4 or 5 times. im still on vacation for one more month and im wondering if i should contact him afterwards.
i need to mention that im 26 and he is 28 because i think for our age its quiet not mature to play hide and seek and not being clear.Nikki
I’m just curious, Rose. How has it all played out, now?
-
AuthorPosts
